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female
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anonymous
writes: I am struggling with this girl, who lives on the same street as we do (my husband and I) and since there jas been a no smoking ban in public bars and restaurants, we hang out at home. I am usually inside but since it has been considerably warm in the house, and not yet willing to run the air conditioner, I hang out now too outside with hubby. Getting back to the young girl who is married and also a mother of a 4 year old. This girl is approximately in her early 20's give or take.Anyhow, she asked of my hubby to get her some cocaine. I wasn't around, but he did tell me about it later.She drove by our house and stopped in the middle of the road to ask my hubby about the drug deal and he told her that is was not going to happen.This evening, while we had rented out a movie to watch together, This girl comes knocking at our front door, to brag to us that she has just did her very first line of coke and had to tell my husband, She had to run over to our house to tell him, my hubby.She was alone and my hubby asked her to come in and sit, since we were in the middle of watching a movie and she looked around saw me, looked surprised to see me, when I ask her what she was all excited about. when she blurted out about her cocaine experience I did not want to hear of it and told her that I will not welcome that into my home or on my property.She sat pretty close to my hubby on the couch and then when hubby moved away from her, she decided that she better get going and do some jogging. My thoughts were What the FK was all that about?What does the cocaine do to an individual, anyhow? Nope, Never tried it and don't want to start to find out...I am not interested in narcotics; just my Marlboro's work fine for me.But is this my imagination, or is she interested in my husband and trying to be cool or try to push my hubby into her world?My husband and I are kind to everyone, but there is a time when I feel that maybe being nice is sending the wrong messages out to acquaintances that might want to be more than just friends or dealers.That is just how I see it as a brief run down of how I felt after her brief visits.How would you interpret this scenario?Am I reading into this too deep or is there another approach to handle this without being rude? I do not want to pester my hubby about her, he isn't visiting her, she is stopping and visitng my hubby.I know that he doesn't lead her on, she really is not very attractive. But the fact and way she carries herself around my man, gives me something to keep my guard up.What's my next move? Do I ask about her husband and 4 year old, daughter in front of others?(to make her think about the ones she should be with)I do not want to come off as her thinking I am a B!tch, I just want there to be an understanding. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (29 May 2007):
 I think she is AFTER your husband. Also, if you really can not relate to why people do drugs to begin with, then may I suggest that you are probably not the best person to try to help her with her problem, esp if she herself is not looking for that type of help.
As I already said...she is looking to break you and your husband apart, and he needs to send her away when she comes over. My guess is that he partially likes the attention, and she may use that to her favor to try to get him to try drugs too. Tempation is strong.
-FBK
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2007): people on cocaine often want to talk about it, this is boring. as a coke user myself on a bimonthly occassion, i think it sounds like you have a right to be worried, it may be her intention to arouse curiosity in your husband and then when under the influence will fall under her slutty sounding charms. this wouldnt work even if he did have some. i find myself exerting more self restraint and lacking the desire for sex when high enough.maybe she is tring to create a foursome as a way to get closer and lull you into a false sense of security.coke doesnt make poeple do stuff, they themselves do-bad behaviour is bad behaviour either way
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust found out that the girl is not married to the guy she is living with and the daughter is fathered by someone else.
Now, that kind of worried me.
Heard that she stopped over yesterday morning, while I was preparing for this passed Holiday's ccokout.
She stopped to confide to my hubby that she should have not done her lines of coke on an empty stomach.
Something there tells me, why does she bother telling my hubby about her updated version on something that we could careless about. Is she trying to get attention? Is she trying to get my hubby to notice her in a sexual way?
Why does she only stop over when I am inside our home?
Things that make me wonder what is really going on and just what her intentions really are calling for. Maybe she is looking for someone to party with and get her energis off on.
I don't wish to try to help someone who has intentions for sexual temptations for my man. Then that is when I should step in and do I say something? What do I do to try to find out what this girl is stopping by for? I hardly ever see the guy that she is living with, he could be working while she is out and about.
Or do I wait to see what happens next?
I must say, I am alert!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe girl and her husband stopped by this afternoon, I was just waking up from a nap
She was trying to find out what we were up this evening and informed us that her daughter is with her family in another state.
I wanted to tell her about how I felt about her using cocaine right then and there, but we were all out in our front yard, didn't want to share this publicly with the entire neighborhood about her use. If she is truly in need of good friends, than I can only hope that I can be just that to her; I don't wish to become a rude character that she might rebel against and try to tear my marriage apart.
I did visit web sites concerning the drug use and now worried about her daughter if anything, I can only wonder if her mother is looking into watching her daughter grow up to graduate, get married and have children of her own to become a grandmother.
I do not understand why people would turn to drugs in the first place, it doesn't solve anything, doesn't make your problems disappear; to me..if makes matters worse than whatever issue the person has to deal with.
I just hope with all the ideas that you have answered in reply to my situation here will help me help her enjoy life naturally than try to cut it short.
Thank you all for your input and have a great holiday weekend!
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female
reader, SweetBabygirlUSA  +, writes (26 May 2007):
Personally, I think you should trust your hubby and know he wouldn't do such a thing as givng her some drugs.
And I would just tell her that her behavior is unacceptable and wouldn't invite her into your house anymore. and if it goes too far, you might have to get the police involved. I would call someone and tell them to call child services, cause she has a small child and yet chooses to do cocaine. That's a really bad example for small children like that. Really.
Or I would just not answer the door. If she bothers you too much, just call the police.
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female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (26 May 2007):
 IF it were me, both me and my husband would talk with her and her husband when you "think" she might be straight. Let her know that you do not appreciate her asking your husband to get drugs for her and that you 2 do not participate in such things. She what they say to that. Let her know that this is something you will not tolerate. It does worry me that she asked your husband for getting the drugs and I know he did confront you about it...so I would talk to hubby and ask him how he feels about talking with them. That would ease my thinking about all this. I know you know your husband, but do we really know anybody? That's why this would clear my other thoughts. This would also put a stop to her wanting to come by because your telling her you want nothing to do with it and don't want it in YOUR house!
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Cocaine can make someone very over-excited (sexually and otherwise). I wouldn't worry about this girl too much - it sounds like she is a bit strange but harmless to you really if you trust your husband. It doesn't matter if she turns up at your front door naked - as long as you trust him then it shouldn't be a problem. Of course, I can understand your concern and perhaps you should keep her at arms length. Have a word with your husband and say it is best he doesn't invite her into the home when he is there alone to stop her making a move that could be 'embarrassing'.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (26 May 2007):
You need to move. If I was your husband, I would forbid her to have contact with me. Why has he not stepped in? Is it possible he likes the attention? Is your husband dealing drugs that you do not know about? Is he sleeping with her already? Maybe or maybe not...but that is what your neighbors will be thinking if you do not put your foot down. This is ridiculous. This woman could be trying to bring drugs into your house, or plant them, or something worse, just to wreck your marriage. This is NOT a time to be nice. Plan to move, and in the meanwhile forbid all contact with her.
-FBK
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female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (26 May 2007):
 you and your hubby both seem really nice,but somtimes people will take that for granted.if she comes back,i would just say that you are just sitting down for a meal or you have your family round. see i have never done drugs so i dont know what must be going through her mind,but keep your eyes peeled beuause people who do have a drug habbit and a big one will sometimes be looking at what you have in your home and will it be enough to pay for there next fix?
it may not be like this with her but i would not give it the chance.
if you feel like she needs help and you want to help her, then maybe talk to her about going to see a doctor or point out the fact that she has a small child and if people find out she is on drugs like this,then maybe they might tryto take the child off her.
i wouldnt invite her in your home again sweety.
i wish you all the best.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): Hi there, from an ex-user of Cocaine, you tend to do rather random spontaneous things, behaviour, go up and hug someone or write them a letter or whatever. So her appearance at the door doesn't surprise me or her closeness on the couch with your husband, what concerns me is why would she ask your husband to get her gear in the first place? How come your husband knows this sort of thing. However, I think he is a solid guy for telling you straight out she asked him for it.
My advice is next time, you either don't answer the door or you tell her at the door, as it is your home, that she can't come in and to go home.
Cocaine only makes you penniless and have no friends. Its shit and makes you incredibly alone. It has taken me 3 years to re-connect with some old friends.
While I feel really bad for her, you only realise what it does to you when you have no one left or have anything to offer or can be social.
Don't think the worst with your husband just tell her from you that her behaviour isn't acceptable. It sound awful but an addict needs to be told that they aren't fun, they aren't accepted and they can't just call or turn up at their convenience and then sleep the rest of the time when they are coming down. It is a terrible addiction but you ultimately use people. I am off it now, my own decision no therapy or detox just hated what I had become.
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male
reader, DV1 +, writes (26 May 2007):
 She may be crazy and have nobody to talk to. Don't even bring that into your house. You might want to call DCF or whatever child protective services there are, and let them know that the child's mother is doing cocaine. You should talk to her husband as well, and try to clear things up.
DV1
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