| A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have been married for 14 years and suspect my wife is now having an affair. She attended a night out with the girls and had arranged a lift there and back with a female friend for midnight. When i woke at 3.30am i found her still not home, on calling her mobile she stated she had gone into town night clubbing and had no money for a taxi back home and was going to walk. I was left alone with my two kids at this point panicing if she was safe. I woke the kids up and took them with me to pick her up . I found her in a hotel car park where she works with no idea how she got there???? also she had ample money in her purse for a taxi home. She is unwilling to discuss the matter and continues to state nothing happened that evening . Also she has made arrangements to go out with the girls in very short notice over the last two weeks???? which is not her regular routine.What should i do now????
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female
reader, Kiama +, writes (18 December 2006):
In all honesty, this does sound a bit strange. however there is no real evidence. She could have been very drunk and not know how she got to the hotel car park. Its possible. Its where she works, so is a familiar place to her, somewhere maybe closer to home where she knew. but the money in her purse issue - the mind boggles. If you are close to one of her friends, maybe confide in her. But dont accuse too much now, because if she is having doubts about your marriage, this may push her away more. What you need here is evidence. There is something called simcon - www.simcon.no - this can retrieve messages off someones phone. I dont like snooping, but if theres reason to believe youre being cheated on i dont see why one shouldnt try finding out the truth. People hire private detectives dont they. i think you need to act cool. The more she knows you are suspicious, the harder she will try to cover up. If you act cool, theres more chance of her slipping up if something is going on. Patience is the key. The truth will come out over time. Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Nella +, writes (18 December 2006):
Hiya
Like you I'm puzzled as to what's going on but I really don't think your wife's recent behaviour necessarily means that she is having an affair. I think it's important to take her explanation at face value about what happened that night, although I am wondering if there is a possibility that she had her drink spiked, which could account for her loss of memory (unless you mean it's you who didn't know how she got into the car park, I was a bit confused there.)
I do wonder about her need to go out with the girls increasingly often and wonder if the marriage after 14 years may need a bit of life and romance injecting into it?
It sounds like it may be time to pay some more attention to your marriage, going out as a couple or as a family before you sink into any distressed or even paranoid thinking about affairs. But let her know you are worried about the possibility of her putting herself into danger when she goes out and she really mustn't wander around on her own at night again as she has a responsibility to her own safety, her family and letting you know that where she is, what time she will be home and that she is OK.
Also let her know you are worried about the relationship if it feels OK to do this, before throwing any accusations at her which may cause her to close up communication altogether.
I really hope it sorts itself out.
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