A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a GF now fiancée, I asked her to marry me, however I am now starting to think after what some people said wither she is after me for just rights to live in the UK permanently as most people from country do this, is there any way I can find out if she does love me or she is just after me for the rights.Things that make me think she loves meTalks about future often, wants me to go to UNI, wants our own place, wants me and her to move to her country in the future, wants to go on holiday with me.Things that makes me think she doesn't, she is sometimes when she goes out for the day with friends completely ignores all your texts all day until she is back, she doesn't talk much, she always wants me to text her before I arrive at hers, as we live a long distance between each other. When we were two months into our relationship, she went on holiday for a month she didn't really say she loved me before she went, however when she came back she said she missed me alot and that loved me, i talked about marriage again a little and then the next time she said lets get married then, as i said her i would marry her after a month and bit. But I did also say as she got a new job she said she didn't like it and that as she is on a visa, she cant apply for many places, and i said that well your be married soon so you can reapply for those places, and she said she hadn't thought about it. She has been in the UK on visa's for 5 years, had a one BF before me. Can anyone help me find out, is she a fake or telling me the truth. Any advice please.Is it me just thinking bad things, because of what others from her country do?Thanks
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long distance, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (16 September 2011):
 if you have doubts you shouldn't be marrying her. but from the things you say that make you think she doesn't love you, i don't think you should be worried. it is not bad to go out with friends and not text while she is with them. like anyone who is thinking of getting married, regardless of what country they are from - you need to get to know someone better and for longer before you commit to marriage. rushing into it is often asking for trouble
x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 September 2011):
 I think yu need to hold off on getting married, honestly. I don't think you know each other well enough. Getting married after 3 months of dating is a tad fast for me.
If you want to know for sure, tell her you want to postpone till after Uni. See what she says?
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Three month relationship, one month of that she was on holidays, then you proposed to get married in a month and a bit...
Am I reading that right?
If I am... are you insane?
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Some people from her country do it. Some people from her country also do not do it.
Two months into a relationship, if someone was telling me they loved me, it would be a red flag. The fact that she didn't say it then is normal. The fact that you two are both exchanging 'I love yous' and talking marriage after THREE months (after her return from holiday) is a red flag; but frankly - it's as much a warning about you as it is about her.
You don't like that she ignores your texts while out with friends. While I would not be texting her too much when she IS with friends (making her respond to you constantly when you know she is with people is just rude), I wouldn't like to be ignored.
If she is in a rush to get married now after a short time of dating, especially if her VISA is about to run out, I would be concerned.
I can only counsel you to wait. Marriage is a life-time commitment.
Slow things down. Don't talk about marriage for a while. Nod, smile but say little if she brings it up. Say non-committed things like, "Yes, we will get married, but we have our whole lives to do that and to figure things out."
If the relationship still flourishes, or even if she goes home for a little while and the relationship is 'long-distance' and it still flourishes, then you will have your answer.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): i can relay with you about this one thing for show she will go all the way with you to get what she want i was with a man for 9 years i loved him but has i gave him his indefinit in the uk he was gone but what shocked me was he was living a double life one with me and the other with a Jamaican women but i found out this just in time cause i took away his stay and both him and her had to live the uk god was on my side i hope this will help you blondie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): Well I can't tell from your post whether or not she just wants a visa. It sounds like you brought marriage up first but she might have been thinking about it.
If i were you, i'd postpone the marrige for a couple of years and see how she reacts. You're a little young to be getting married anyway and if you're not even sure why she's with you or even if she loves you or not then you definitely shouldn't be getting married!
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