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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Is online dating just not worth it? I tried it many years ago but with a friend, thinking we could double date, keep it safe etc. We were not planning on nearly every man pushing for three ways and insisting on "at least" making out with each other via Skype. There were a few men we met in person but both times their friend cancelled last minute so they came alone. Or kept dicking around with excuses about where we were meeting and ultimately just texting his address and telling us to come over, texting more and more about directions not only there, but directions on what door to use, where to park etc. Her became very irate when i kept repeatedly texting him that we were meeting in PUBLIC. He responded with, "again. Its 12345 Street Avenue, blue house, enter through Side Street.. you keep repeating yourself and it's Annoying you gonna be here soon or what? I don't have a lot of time" Another man did sit for a buffet with us but when my friend went to the bathroom he stood quickly, dropped money on the table (not even enough) and said, "finally. Now lets ditch the fat girl" so yeah, bad experiences.I'm trying to go this alone now because I think group dates give the wrong idea but its still hard. They want more pictures, they want to know what I "really" look like, they want to meet up right away, they want to Skype more than talk but i say no because i use public computers for all this (harder to track me down), and I don't use my Android for dating sites. I've met a few people but most ditch me when I want to talk for about a month before meeting because it's "too long to wait" those who do get upset that I won't let them pick me up/drop me off, or because after three dates we're still "just talking". Isn't that what you do on dates? I arrange low-cost but have let men take me to nice dinners which makes them all the more pushy. This current guy got mad when I told him I was not trying to be exclusive after one date and that it made me uncomfortable that he gave me an iPhone not knowing i already had a Android. He said he felt deceived. Im willing to bet it included GPS tracking since he had it all set up. I know not all men are pigs but i sure keep drawing them!
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 April 2016):
 First, you started off with a profile of you with another girl...and you are surprised by people assuming you were a lesbian or bi couple looking for a third?Most people who are single do not "group" date for online dating, in part because that couples do date to find thirds to join them.Next, it is important to be safe, but only using public computers is going a little far. If you feel that unsafe, then consider that online dating is not for you, and ask your friends and family to help set you up with people they know to help you meet someone. You may also consider a match maker as they screen candidates.And yes, 1 month of talking before meeting is a long time. Most people want to meet right away to make sure they are not wasting time (in case there is no chemistry), or worse, they want to make sure they are not being fooled by a fake profile (ie catfish), or just wasting time on someone that just wants attention, but not an actual date.Here is a tip for you...write out exactly what you are looking for in your profile, and state all of your rules that you feel comfortable with (even if I or others disagree with them). they are YOUR rules. Put them in your profile, so that you will immediate reject anyone that does not want to comply with them, and the ones you do get, you know are serious and willing to wait.-Frank
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2016): I think you're trying too hard. When you were young you and your friend were naive to not think guys would expect three ways. Third wheel dates are annoying and seem like chaperones, you're not in HS and it's not1920 anymore. If you want chaperoned dates join a Christian dating site where people are more understanding. But be prdpared for the guys to expect "traditional" or submissive girls. I'm sorry, but old-fashioned dating rules and outspoken modern women don't go together you can't have it both ways.I know you're making them wait for your safety but a month is too long. Mostly talking-dates are ok the first few times but try activities! Let him get romantic, you probably will get a gauge on how safe he is after you meet up a few times. You are smart to avoid immediate commitment or guys who are too eager to take you home. Cut those guys off immediately no explanation needed.
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A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (24 April 2016):
Oh my! You've had some awful experiences there! I think a month is too long to meet up personally... If for no other reason than if there is no click on meeting it's a waste of a huge chunk of time! You perhaps need to consider what it is you want...how a guy first approaches you on line or even in response to you messaging him...anyone who calls me hunny or babe etc is way out for me! Anyone who isn't polite and gentlemanly, anyone who doesn't ask a little about me, and definitely anyone who is in any way sexual has a big good bye from me when I am online dabbling. Don't be flattered by some piece of crap who gives you attention of the wrong sort - think about what you want and don't let your standard slip to allow this sort of man air time. Don't be in a rush to be attractive to a man- on line os hard anyway - check things on their profile...of they wrote practically nothing, if I says they have only had relationships for short periods of time etc- avoid! Take your time and good luck! It can be fun!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 April 2016):
 I think if you have tried a "decent" online dating service and all you got was bottom of the barrel kind of creeps maybe you need a different approach.
It can be that the service/website you have chosen is not as good as it "claims" to be, so maybe first step is to try a different dating site.
Secondly, if all these dates/connections were all initiated by the men, maybe YOU need to pick some YOU are interested in, not just the ones who "seem" interested in you.
Thirdly, redo your dating profile. Have 3-6 recent (no more than a month old) photos. Don't use back lit ones or group shots.
You CAN even add that you are using public computers at the moment, so things like Skype is out.
I'm not sure why you feel there HAS to be a month worth of online chat before meeting. I think 1-3 week is more than ideal, if you feel he is someone you want to meet, then plan a SHORT first date - lunch, coffee. If they are too pushy you can cross them off the list sooner. And honestly, if they ditch you because you move "slower", then good riddance to them.
Not wanting to be exclusive after one date, I get that. I wouldn't agree to that either, but I certainly would decline receiving a phone.
Maybe you need to consider getting a prepaid "burner" phone to use for dating. They can always get your "real" number when you feel it's OK.
OR maybe, you need to consider that online dating is NOT for you.
Then I would suggest you look into meet-up groups instead, or join a hobby-class, a hiking group (if you are into that).
OR you TALK to some of the friends/relatives you have who are not single and let them know you are looking for a partner.
A LOT of people think they can create "instant" relationships, and I don't think that is realistic. I DO think it takes a while getting to know someone, feeling comfortable with them before adding intimacy.
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