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Is my wife trying to push me away?

Tagged as: Faded love, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 December 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 20 December 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, *etty writes:

Me and my wife have been together for almost 10 years now. We have four kids together. She is a stay at home mom and i usually work at least 5 days a week.. I know she gets tired. In the last 5 months she only had sex with me once. During it she felt as if she really didn't even want to be there. She shows no type of intimitciy at all towards me. Like she kinda pushes me back. We had moved to a diff state like 9 months ago and she don't really talk to anybody. A very quite, shy kind of woman. So i know she isn't having an affair. I just don't know what to do. I try talking to her and she's all like it's just my hormones. She don't ever even kiss me any more. Not unless i literally walk over and get in her face and ask for one. She don't want to cuddle or nothing. Is my wife losing interest in me? Is she falling out of love with me and trying to push me away? Does she not find me attractive anymore. I love this girl more than anything. We been threw a lot. I just looking for some help and i think my mind might be starting to wonder. I worry she might be trying to push me away, make me want someone else or something. What should i do?

View related questions: affair, shy

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (20 December 2009):

Keep trying to talk to her. She might be depressed, or she might just be exhausted, or she might be insecure about her body. You need to tell her how you feel, and that it's as if she's pushing you away. Maybe suggest no sex, but rather just hugs while you try to get the relationship back on track. You must try to keep talking to her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009):

When was the last time she had a physical checkup ? A good one including checking her hormone levels etc? It sounds like she could have her hormones out of whack, and maybe her thyroid is off also. Four kids really take a lot out of a woman both physically and emotionally.

She may also be suffering depression. The causes for depression (if she IS depressed) can vary wildly or be a combination of things. Has she gained weight? no friends? little/no communication with family? no hobbies or activities just for her that is fun for her?

So you work (which is good) but what do you do when you get home?? Flop down in the chair and watch tv? etc..?? If so you need to get up on your feet and be a contributing member of your partnership with your wife. Maybe doing the dishes, helping with dinner, taking the kids out for an afternoon so your wife can do whatever it is she may want to do, even if it's a 2 hour bubble bath,, completely un-interupted by kids or husband. Do you make an honest effort to have "date nights" with just you and wife ?? NO kids. Find a baby sitter or friend you trust to stay with the kids. You get time off from being "dad" (you work outside the home) your wife never gets "time off" she's home all day every day with the kids.

There all kinds of factors to look at and remedies to work on, but You need to take the initative. DO NOT make every statement or sentence start with "I". Yes it does effect you but every conversation should start with, "You". IE: You seem depressed and I'm concerned." "You seem overly tired and I'm concerned, would you see a Dr. if I set up an appointment. And, I'd be more than happy to go with you."

Your partner needs help, not judgement, just help.

No time like yesterday to get started helping your partner.

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A male reader, RAINORFIRE United States +, writes (20 December 2009):

RAINORFIRE agony aunttell her you have to confess your having an affair and see how she responds if shes like ok then you kno you have a problem if she freaks out and starts crying and threatening divorce your good then just tell her your joking. Look man four kids thats alot im sure there wonderful chilldren but lets face it your wife is one woman she may need a break people burn out and as a mother and a wife shes probably really critcal of her self if she takes a break its like letting her family down you work five days a week she works 7 and its a 24 hour work day. you need to get a marriage counselor i doubt you too have enough experience to work this out on your own, atleast its a start she needs some time off. Maybe she doesnt have sex because she doesnt want to get pregnant. your wife could be depressed you need to seek proffesional help everyones doing it. but for starters give your wife the keys and tell her to go have fun for a few hours while you watch the kids. good luck hang in there.

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