A
male
age
41-50,
*RYAN777
writes:My wife and I have had a strained relationship for a couple of years now. We have been living in two different houses but see each other everyday. Nothing physical (no sex) however we are pleasant to one another. We have had many crisis to deal with over these past years that caused us to grow emotionally and physically apart.So in the past month my wife told me she had run into a guy she dated back in high school and he inquired about us and she revealed we were separated. They have been seeing each other fairly regularly for a month. This past Saturday she told me the following "I need to find a way to get rid of Bob..I don't really like him too much." Meaning she wanted to stop their relationship but let him go easy and didn't know how?She followed that with this; "You're supposed to be helping me with that."Ok, my question is..what is she trying to convey to me? And how can I help her with that? We still get along and the seperation has her depressed and me depressed and it shows. Is she trying to convey to me that she made a mistake? That I am supposed to help her with this by making a move to show her I care more..which I am certain she knows I care deeply for her. Is she trying to tell me I can help her by working to get her to love me again? Or is she playing some kind of game?I am truly perplexed and will be the first to admit that I sometimes don't have a clue as to what women are truly wanting a guy to do especially when women seem to be saying something that us guys just don't understand..guys need direct instructions not some kind of subtle ambiguous hint. Help..any advice.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): To me the love just doesn't seem 'there'. She wants YOU to fight for her. I think she feels insecure that you don't Really want her. 2 years is a Long Time to keep things in Limbo. One of you needs to have 'the confrontation' if you should 'forgive' each other and save the marriage, OR Move On with your lives. Either decision will take courage to do, as others have said, you could ask for a honest talk to tell her what's on your mind, then she could do the same. You might be surprised what's she's thinking. Often times we are very wrong to assume thoughts because men and woman think very differently. It's a start. If you haven't seen the movie Fireproof, I recommended it :)
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (1 December 2008):
 I'll be direct:
You owe your estranged wife no favours and therefore you are perfectly entitled to tell her to do her own dirty work in ending her relationship with this guy. But if you choose to help her, do not consider it an invitation from her to reconcile.
I have no idea if she is playing games with you, but if she had any respect for you, and she wanted to move towards reconciliation, she would tell you directly. People who play games should know that losing is a possibility. If you choose not to play, she loses. And you recapture some of your dignity.
I hope this helps.
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