A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My son is 20 and my older son 27. They started college around the same time. My oldest is going to a for-profit school for culinary arts; meanwhile my youngest is attending a community college on a full pell grant.. my oldest needs the car to attend his college, and my youngest just takes the bus. So I allow my oldest to take me to work at 5am. my youngest was kind enough to take me to work so his older brother could sleep before his test.I figured my youngest could take me to work since he doesn't have a job. Lately he has been complaining that "Mom I study all afternoon at 2pm to 7pm then I take a 3 hour break and start studying at 10p-3am I keep waking up at 4:30a and it's affecting school and my sleep.. I have 4 A's and a 3.52gpa I've never done so well before"I responded with can't you change your schedule He got irritated saying he doesn't even use the car. He is concerned about his grades but he has to sacrifice for the family. Is he just over-reacting? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 No it sounds like you are putting the older brother first and he is picking up on it. You need to start treating them equally. Your poor son is finding the pressure to much ( a lot of young people don't open up then end up going down a dark root off depression and suicide). Be happy that he is talking to you, take him serious and try and help him, you are his mother after all.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 June 2017):
 Are you serious!?
If your oldest NEEDS the car HE can drag his bum out of bed and DRIVE you. OR he/you can take the bus.
Your youngest has OBVIOUSLY worked hard to get a Pel grant and has been SMART by doing community college so he gets more "bang" for his bucks! Why should HIS education come SECOND to your older son? Or even to YOUR needs? Your youngest son doesn't NEED the car, he takes the bus.
This is mind-boggling to me that you and your oldest think the youngest educations is less important than the oldest sleep.
Don't involve the youngest in your "car" scheme. If you and the oldest USES the car, then you TWO work out how and when.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 June 2017):
 No he is not over reacting, he is damn right !
I can't even believe this is a true question, IMO it must be a troll. Either that, or parenting styles are really widely different in your country and mine , way more than I had noticed and experienced so far.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): Alternate between the two from time to time. I think he should be encouraged and commended on working so hard for his good grades.
I think he needs his sleep more than the older one; and I don't see why this has the merit to rise to an issue of your concern? People still grow until the age of 21, and some as late as 22!
I don't think he should change his schedule, and you shouldn't blow it out of proportion. Laying a guilt-trip on him is unfair.
From the outside looking in, you are showing him that you consider his older brother's efforts more important; therefore he is favored. No he isn't over-reacting, he's seeing it for what it is.
As sons they should be loved equally. He should get some extra encouragement; because he needs and deserves it! His grades are better than they've ever been, because he's trying to prove something to his family! You're his mom, don't you get it?
Sometimes younger-brothers spend most of their lives living up to their older-brother's accomplishments. They should be recognized and praised for all they do to get your approval.
If you don't, remember that when you're old and the older one doesn't have the time to come see you, or take care of you.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (21 June 2017):
 Why does the oldest NEED the car for college? What's wrong with the bus like your youngest takes?
It's your car, you use it.
I think it's pretty crazy that you would make your son get up early to take you to work when he is actually trying his hardest to study and get a good education. He sounds like a good kid compared to a lot out there that try to chin revision off at every opportunity.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 June 2017):
 Is your youngest son REALLY expected to sacrifice his grades for his family?
Your eldest son uses the car ... would it be possible for him to catch a bus and you use the car? You don't mention your eldest son works, only that he needs your car to attend college. Either you have missed giving us all the information or you are preferencing your oldest, 27 year old son over your youngest.
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