A
female
age
26-29,
*earchingSoul
writes:I really feel that my past has been having a very strong affect on my relationships. I grew up with my grandparents, one of which was only my grandparent due to marrige. I lived with them most of my childhood ,things there caused it to be unsafe and unfit to be considered a " home" to me. I was beat every day along with sexual abuse. I was almost a Cinderella except I'm not living happily ever after. The first boyfriend I had was when I was 14 and he ended up being the one to take the V-card. There had been Times when I would go to his house and have a few drinks, which in turn would start me rambling on about my issues. He never seemed to have an issues with me expressing myself and even talked about somethings that happen to him. Sometimes we'd get into an argument because I didn't want to have sex, causing him to become upset and leave. I would always ask him what made him want to be with me, when I felt he could to better. He would always say no, but after awhile he barely came around anymore and one night he told me he couldn't talk to me for two weeks. He explained that some people were after him due to a court he had to go to because his Bestfriend was shot to death, I knew all about his friend because I had seen it on the news and heard about it from one of my closes girlfriends at the time. I stated that if they were after him they were after me to but he refused to let me "join in" and stand by his side. Finally I agreed, then the wait was on. I had waited over a week and decided to send him a text just to see how he was doing. He went on a rampage about how I still needed to wait. I left him alone. After the two weeks were up it comes to be that we are not together anymore and he had got with someone new. Later I discovered he was sleeping with my close friend the whole time we were together. After that I had many sexual partners until I met this other guy who ended up sleeping with another close friend and I walked in on them. I can't tell if my relationships with men are getting worse.... Or better. I have abandonment issues due to my childhood experiences. And more so have issues with enjoying sex with any guy. Honestly I feel like I'm going through the motions which May be why I've lost interest in any sexual action.
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female
reader, SearchingSoul +, writes (7 September 2016):
SearchingSoul is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you I've been avoiding therapy because I could tell myself it wasn't my fault.
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (7 September 2016):
It was very sad to learn that you had an unhappy childhood.Our childhood should be a time of feeling loved,safe and allowed to have a proper childhood,a time to learn the guidlelines for life,and the difference between right and wrong.You are right your unhappy past is affecting your future and will continue to do so until you get HELP. It is of the most importance that you get help,sooner then later,so please consider making appointment with an counsellor to help you out.Because this is something that you cannot sort yourself.Your letter is the first step,knowing you need help.Now the next step is to make the appointment,which will help you to come to terms with the many happenings in your past, then you can move on to a more understanding of you,and to value You as a person.Sex is part of a loving relationship with respect and care for the other person at all levels.If sex is used for just a sexual encounter,then the other person will feel USED.Sex will NOT sort your problems out.The many issues of your childhood has to be sorted first.Then everything else you will be able to see in a clear light.kIND REGARDS NORA B.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2016): It may be that unconsciously you are attracting a certain kind of energy in men and you don't realize you're doing it.
So you're going to have to do some work on yourself to change whatever kind of energy you're putting out there. Lots of this comes from self esteem. Do you seek help with a therapist? Also get some good books like Codapendant no more. All of this can feed your soul and change the relationships. ??
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