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Is my long distance boyfriend just "friends" with this girl or is there more to it?

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 February 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 23 February 2009)
A female South Africa age 36-40, *andie writes:

Hello readers! I have this problem with my Bf. He's been keeping such distance from me, reason being he's working extra hours and has very little time... Which obviously doesn't prevent him from contacting his Gf. Well, that's what I'm also trying to do at this moment... Keeping away so he'd realise how it makes me feel. Now on my efforts in all that, I found out that he's recently met a girl from the town he stays right now. They were both chatting on an IM before the meeting. Knowing my Bf, I doubt that he'd sleep with the girls he meet. But at this point, I don't know what is happening and what he's done in his meeting with this girl or if he's even been on other meetings before because he and I are in long distance relationship.

I'm still trying to find out more if by any chance there is, yet I don't want to snoop around. I respect his privacy, even though right now the situation forces me to look for more clues. I want to confront him about all this, I just don't know where to start and how to do it. Can you guys shed some light? I don't have much evidence other than what I've provided here, I think it's gonna be hard...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009):

Sounds a bit harsh, but if you are really stressing over this why dont you create an account on this IM chat and flirt with him via that (ask if he has a gf etc) and see what he says. If he really likes you he wont hesitate to say he has a girlfriend and is very happy with her and he is only online to make friends..

xxx

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A female reader, Candie South Africa +, writes (23 February 2009):

Candie is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Wel, he denied that they met but agrees to knowing and chatting to her. As to how i found out.. I happened to be in the same chatroom with this girl who revealed that she usually meets up with her online chats and my Bf's name popped up, i could tell it was him in particular with all the information she revealed about him.

He wasn't hesitating when i spoke to him about it but i could tell that he didn't want to discuss the subject he kept saying, okay okay i understand but i've never met up with her... And like he'd always say- i love you and i'm not doing stupid things here(at the town he lives in). Asking him weather i would get the same answer if i asked his friends(which i obviously wasn't going to do) he said- sure, feel free.Lol. Lastly, he laughed when i told him that he has to let me know if he wants to continue seeing other girls outside our relationship so that i know where i stand. I dnt knw what he meant by the laugh, but all in all he said he understands what my concern and need is. That's it and thanks for the advice, its highly appreciated!

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (22 February 2009):

Sweet-thing agony auntIs it at all possible for you to take a day off and go see him? It might be good to pop into to playground and see what's up. Plan on staying the entire day, and the night. Make sure this girl meets you and knows you are his girlfriend. There's no telling what he's told her. If he loves you, he'll be thrilled to see you for a surprise visit. If he acts pissed off or weird, then you have your answer. It will mean you have screwed up whatever little "thing" he's got going on with this other girl. Then it may be time to end the relationship with some dignity and move on. Good luck.

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A male reader, Luaris United States +, writes (22 February 2009):

Luaris agony auntHow do you know they were talkin online and that they met? However you found out use that source to find more out (if its a reliable one) theres nothin wrong with snooping. Even if you get caught its win/win. If he is cheating who cares and if he isnt it shows you do care. Also I second lodge123, give an update.

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A male reader, mario4hustle United States +, writes (22 February 2009):

its time to move on lady.

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A male reader, lodge123 United Kingdom +, writes (22 February 2009):

trust me, talk to him about it, if u tell him ur concerned, if he is a decent guy, he will comfort ur feelings, tell me wat he does tho if u do comfront him about it, cos there are usually major clues to wether hes cheating on u or not.

me and my gf have the same problem

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