A
female
age
41-50,
*gag
writes:Is my husband’s panty fetish out of control?I just discovered that my husband has been sneaking my underwear as well as my 18yo daughters underwear. I don’t know exactly what he does with them I can only imagine. He swears it’s not about who wears them and that it’s the panties themselves, but I don’t believe him. He’s never made my daughter feel uncomfortable (I asked without valuing her in) and I’ve never noticed any perverted behaviors from him but this is SO ALARMING to me! We have a newborn son together (my 18yo is not his child). I’ve been reading some replies on here and want to know what you men who have similar fetishes have to say. I’ve kicked him out because it’s fine if it were just mine but it’s not only me! I know it’s not sexual abuse but it seems like it’s on the verge here...My daughter is about to move out for college and my husband is begging to stay together and even asked if when she left he could come back. I’ve suspected infidelity by him in the past but have no proof. He’s lying when he says it’s not about who is wearing them right? I need advice and have no idea where else to turn.
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (8 November 2017):
 Your husband has a fetish and initially, it was HIS secret fetish and then you found out and thank God you did.
I doubt he'd ever have told you, if you hadn't found out for yourself.
The real issue is, he has been sneaking your 18 year old daughter's panties.
It's totally indecent and wrong!
His stealing of your daughter's panties should be a serious red light to you, not only because she's your daughter, but because of her age.
You should be asking yourself questions like:
Does my husband secretly get turned on by the panties of very young women and in this case, my 18 year old daughter?
Could he have phaedophilia like tendencies?
Why does he do it and for what reason?
Where are all our panties now?
You should still confront him and ask him the why's and what's, even if he's no longer living with you.
That's your right and you should also be upfront with your daughter and tell her asap, as to what's transpired with her step-dad.
She deserves to know the truth, so she can exercise full control over her private life and you should also sincerely apologise to her for having not told her immediately.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2017): I honestly think also that your daughter needs to be told about this . Sure she may be technically an adult but I sure as heck would like
To know if a sexual deviant was stealing my underwear .
He is effectively a sexual predator and who knows what type of risk he is . She had the right to protect herself and at least know what he is . How horrible to think that she may be under the assumption he is a decent man and continue a relationship with a man who is sniffing her underwear and goodness knows what else
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 November 2017):
 I think you have done the right thing, he has crossed a line here and I would certainly say he is lying when he says it doesn't matter about the person that they belong to. If that was the case why would he not stick to yours, or even buy some off his own? Whatever it is he was wrong in doing that to your daughter, it has violated her privacy and am sure she would think it was creepy if she knows that is. Personally I could not trust him again, especially if I had doubts that he cheated. I think you have done the best thing and you should stick to your guns and only see him or talk to him if it is about your son. If you have concerns about your child then talk to a social worker.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2017): You did the right thing . Keep him out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2017): You believe this man is not sexualising your daughter ? Then I ask you this . Would he steal and use a pair of his mothers panties ? How about his sisters or aunts ? Or a woman he found physically repulsive !!! The answer is no and you no it .
He has a se yak attraction to your daughter and if that is someone you can stay with well then honestly I think your problems run deeper than his so called panty fetish
The way he is trying to convince you it's just about panties is ridiculous and he is making it acceptable for him to literally cross any boundaries even to take underage girls pants
How are you going to feel one day when you have granddaughters ?
You need to get this mannout of you house and out of your life and apologise with all you have in you to your daughter for allowing that huge betrayal to happen
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2017): Involving your own children in your fetish shows a lack of boundaries, respect, or concern for them. He could've easily ebayed panties from non-relative sources. I would suggest getting him to talk about his fetish and how he should treat his adult children with a good therapist.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (6 November 2017):
 Creepy as hell.
I think you did the right thing. I could understand the thing with your underwear considering you're intimate together and it is a legitimate fetish, but your daughters? No that's just plain wrong.
We all know what he does with them let's not he under any illusions.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 November 2017):
 Honestly?
I think you did the right thing here. It's NOT appropriate to INVOLVE your daughter into his fetish - and IDGAF if he is "only" stealing her panties. So what? He made her uncomfortable in her own home. Like you said if it had JUST been YOUR panties then "eh no big deal" but hers too? Nope. Because what's next? Trolling the laundrymats for strangers panties or buying panties online (oh yeah, there is a market for that too).
He doesn't want to EXPLAIN what it's about - partly out of fear that you will find him disgusting but perhaps also because he doesn't WANT to share his kink.
Of course, he knows WHY he takes them and WHAT they are used for. Don't fool yourself into thinking he just likes to look at underwear.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underwear_fetishism
While I, for the most part, find a panty fetish a pretty TAME one - your husband crossed a line when he started taking your daughter's. Why? Because he is now SEXUALISING her. Not at all appropriate. I get that she is a stepdaughter but that REALLY doesn't matter.
My question to you is, WHAT do you want? Do you WANT to live with him again and can you TRUST him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2017): Really impossible to know what is going on through his mind. It is disturbing but who knows, maybe he is telling the truth? If he goes taking them out of drawers that is a little disturbing. Not sure I don't really understand this fetish. But if he literally has not acted on anything, maybe he could be taught not to cross that boundary? I honestly don't know, I understand why you are in a dilemma, but you DO have a baby together, so maybe you could try to work it out, but keep a very careful eye on him. At the very least your daughter is a full-fledged adult and won't be in the house.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2017): I think you need to get to the bottom of this before you let him back in the house and near your children. Maybe he likes dressing up in them? The only person that knows the truth is him. He owes you an explanation.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (6 November 2017):
 If he says it's not about who was wearing them. then what did he say it was about? Are they for his personal enjoyment or is he selling them?
It is just guessing on our part unless you can fill in a few more details - without being too graphic of course.
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