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Is my husband more interested in porn than he is me?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Pornography, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi it's mine and my husbands relationship. We have been together nearly 4 years been married 18months, He works away on the turbines which he has done for 2 years he does 2 weeks away and a week at home, which is shortly changing to 3 weeks then 1 at home, I work full time and I have 2 kids from previous marriage and he has 2 kids from previous relationship who live with there mam.

I hate the fact that he works away but I know he has to so he has a job and also so we can pay bills etc, The 2 weeks he works away is awful I try to get as much done in the house we have recently moved to so when he is home I can spend time with him and I do miss him loads so look forward to his week at home.

But over the past couple of times he has been home he has been reserved towards me no cuddles on the couch, our sex life is not good once or twice if I am lucky. I put on some underwear one night and came downstairs and he never reacted to it so I took it back off. He just does as he wants when he is home goes out with his friends, goes to football etc etc and I feel I am being pushed aside. I did say when he is home it is different to working away as he can go to gym,pub,shops etc etc as nobody else is there to consider in the house he lives in Wales but when he comes home he has to consider the family as the wheel still has to turn and carry on as usual as it's a family home here.

The week he is home his children come after school one night and Saturday all day which is his ex's instruction. On a Saturday night we go to the local pub for a couple of drinks that's my time alone with no kids.

Is he interested in porn, Instagram and snapchat more than me? I really don't know.

I am just stuck as don't know whats wrong or what to do?

Please advise me x

View related questions: his ex, porn, sex life, underwear

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

You cannot be accused of not trying or bothering to 'interest' him and it must be very hard to feel rejected like this - I can definitely relate to your situation. He is almost living two different lifestyles from what you describe and that is turning into two different lives? To be honest I think you should stop trying and divert your attention to yourself. Sometimes if we do new things just for ourselves we create new interest within the relationship - without the pressure of directing the stimulus on someone else. For example if you take up a new interest that makes you feel good about yourself - Salsa? Painting? Cookery school? then you bring a new confidence and sexy-ness about yourself that men find attractive. Don't let the situation overwhelm you but don't let it go on. Be less 'available' when he is back and show that you have a life too. I suggest this only because it worked for me - and I made some new friends in the process too. Hope it helps x

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 August 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntSounds like he's a workaholic and thus would have a tendency to be distracted from the 'normal' gifts of life. It's not about you, so clothes or no clothes don't worry..he just needs a break from work. Don't give up on him yet.

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2014):

oldbag agony auntDo you communicate when he is away, Skype or emails, phone calls - or is it just nothing till he is home?

I wonder if you need to get out while he is away, do something you enjoy, go to the cinema, out with friends - whatever-so you have a life and some me time that isn't work,children,home.Get a good babysitter or family in.

As for him, you need to communicate how your feeling next time he is home, talk to him, find out what the problem is. Could be you need to add some spark, could be he feels detached because of the time apart.

He is not being fair and you need answers.

We can't guess the reasons, only he knows.

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