A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm questioning whether to believe my husband when he says he's not gay or bi after I confronted him about knowing he watched/chatted with a couple trannies this one time that I know of. There were also females he watched/chatted with as well. He has a history of talking to girls behind my back. I don't know for sure but I have a feeling he's cheated on me in the past or at least slept with someone else one of the times we had broken up. He still denies it. I don't know whether to believe he's gay or bi and just is afraid to admit it or he only did it cause he was curious and is 100% straight? Help:(
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cheated on me, talking to girls Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2014): It doesn't make much difference what sex the person is, a cheater is a cheater. Men fantasize about a lot of things when it comes to sex, often wanting their cake and eat it too. A quickie with a woman is not always easy to find. What tranny chasers want is quick and easy, no strings attached sex. They want to indulge in their fantasies and they want it right away. Usually people don't 'mind' homosexuals and maybe they have no problem with trannys either. It's like, I have no problems with trannys, but I just couldn't date one. Even if it looked real, I couldn't. Thats life
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 July 2014):
 ranny pornis just plain wierd anyway so what's the deal? He's just like the rest of us, he's curious to see why anyone would make that transition. It's a huge leap to make so how much fun could it be?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (13 July 2014):
If a women watches girl-on-girl porn or strap on porn is he curious or gay?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (11 July 2014):
He's no more gay than before taking a peek at the other side. Haven't yo ever wondered what the "other folks" do for pleasure?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I do think he is loosing his attraction to me. We already agreed in marriage counseling last week. This week is when I found out about the porn. It doesn't necessarily bother me if he were bi or interested in men at all cause either way cheating can happen whether girl or guy. I guess that's my only worry is if he's settling for me just cause we have a child together and being in the army if we were together it's technically the only way he could see our baby everyday unless he got deployed.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (11 July 2014):
 Well, I'd be a lot more worried about thrill seeking than flirting while on a "break". I'm trying to figure out why his orientation is a problem to you now. Is he losing attraction to you , or are you just looking for an excuse to get out?
FA
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 July 2014):
 Yes, but... he should not be " capable of beng faithful and loyal ", he should be faithul and loyal, period. He is married.
I don't think he is " confused " more than other hundreds , thousands of married men are confused- trannychasers are nothing new, or unusual,-trannies provide just that taste of transgressive " forbidden fruit " that your husband is admittedly so keen on.
It sounds like that somehow you want to be able to say : Oh that's way he is looking for cheap thrills ! because he's gay !.
Sorry, I don't think so. He's looking for cheap trills because, he s the kind of guy who needs ( or hopefully, only needed , as in " not now " ) to be looking for cheap thrills. ( Cheap only until he just TALKS to these ladies,btw; if he wanted to do more , at least with those of them who advertise their trade through Internet, it's everything but " cheap " ).
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes we are a young couple. We've talked about marriage for a couple years till we actually got married. I know he's capable of being faithful loyal honest, which is one reason why I did marry him. He joined the army last June and arrived at his duty station after we had our first baby in Feb. I don't exactly have proof of him cheating ever. It crosses my mind sometimes considering he used to text girls and flirt every once in awhile. He says he has only done that because it's like a thrill because it's like "dangerous" since he knows he shouldn't do it. but when it comes to getting turned by a tranny it just confuses me on what he wants. I think he is confused also and maybe doesn't want to admit it.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (11 July 2014):
Nevermind, I did not read your question carefully enough. It sounds like he Is possibly being unfaithful and dishonest. This is what really needs to be addressed.
Sorry about my previous answer, hey mods, want to delete that for me? Thanks!
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (11 July 2014):
Dear OP,
First, I wanted to answer your question and say that it doesn't matter, because your husband is probably cheating on you anyway.
THEN I noticed that you both 1) seem to be very young and 2) the cheating that you mentioned sounds like it happened when you were broken up.
So, my conclusion is that you are a very young couple, who sometimes has troubled phases with each other. That's okay, normal. I wonder though, if it's possible that you married each other at a stage of your life, when you were not really, really ready for such a big commitment. Because you both didn't really figure out your identity and your desires yet.
It makes a big difference to me, if we are talking about a 20 year old guy or a 40 year old guy. I think to be faithful to only one person for the rest of your life, that's a very high expectation for a 20 year old man-and woman, also. Maybe, in our times of over-sexualisation, it's even almost impossible.
I am sorry, this is not really advice I am giving.
My advice is, to believe him when he says he's not bi or gay, because he doesn't perceive it that way. Men have this weird logic, that CindyCares explained well, with transsexuals. I think it's a twisted logic, but okay. You can't convince him about that. It's like people who say they are vegetarian, but eat fish and chicken. To them it makes sense, to me it doesn't. The troubles you have are not about his sexual orientation. It's about commitment in general. Maybe you can work this out, but only if you openly talk about your hopes and needs for the future. And if he's ready to be honest with you about how he feels in this relationship. If he keeps denying any problems, you can't work on them alone.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (11 July 2014):
Funny, your husband has a story of being inappropriate and disloyal, and might be cheating / have cheated on you, and you worry not about having married a cheater, but about his basic sexual orientation ?,... A cheater is a cheater, whether he cheats with women, men, or goars , isn't he.
Anyway, human sexuaity is a wide spectrum of thoughts and behaviours, that defies a black/ white labelling.
I do not think there's anybody who can honestly identufy themselves as 100% heterosexual or homosexual, people may be at the lower end of the spectrum re. what concerns interest / curiosity / attraction for their same sex , but everybody at some point has fantasies and what ifs, even if most choose to suppress them / not voice them / not explore them ,due to social / cultural / religious conditioning.
As a matter of fact, trannies are so very popular precisely because they offer men the chance to explore their homosexual side and homosexual fantasies , without challenging their official identification as heterosexuals, because- they say- after all these " girls " look just like women, and attractive women too, they have got boobs and female attire etc.- yeah there's this little detail of them not BEING women, and if they are pre - op, of having a male organ, but hey , it's a detail, so I am definitely not gay.
What your husband is doing is quite common for a ( mostly ) heterosexual male with normal, I'd say physiological homosexual curiosities. If it is also acceptable for a man who is married and supposedly committed and monogamous, heck no. But not because he likes trannies; because he is looking for greener pastures out of his marriage.
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