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Is my husband crossing a line in his interactions with female friends?

Tagged as: Flirting, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 February 2019) 4 Answers - (Newest, 20 February 2019)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello,

Should I be concerned with how my husband interacts with certain females? Example: he was discussing valentines plans with a coworker and when she asked if he was doing anything, he said no. It isn’t entirely untrue because we didn’t go out, but you would think he would mention that he brought his wife home some dinner and some gifts.... idk maybe I am reading too much into it but earlier in the convo, he lied to her and said he was helping a friend with an app over the weekend and that is not true. He doesn’t even have a friend who is working on an app. I just get the feeling that he is somehow trying to impress this girl and it may be weird or maybe he is looking for an ego boost? He also send her emails the night before she has kickball games to pump her up which is pretty innocent and friendly but now after this i don’t know if he is crossing the line a bit.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2019):

Sorry, I meant personal-emails rather than calls.

Emails to women after hours unrelated to work, when you're a married-man, will definitely draw suspicions from your wife. He's not that dumb. If he is, perhaps you should educate him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2019):

Whatever you've got running through your mind is what you need to bring out into the open. Unanswered questions tend to stew and morph into all sorts of suspicions.

I'll put it in print for you; maybe it will make it easier to talk to him about it.

It comes across like he was making a subtle flirtation; because he made it seem as if he had no one to celebrate love with on Valentine's Day. Almost implying he is single. Why didn't he just tell her he brought you gifts and brought home dinner? Just tell him you feel he could have made the pep-talk less personal by just wishing her good-luck at work. You'd rather he didn't make personal-calls to single females from his job. It might be taken the wrong-way by everyone aware of it. Most importantly, it doesnt't sit well with you as his wife.

Tell him you have mixed-feelings about the situation; because it hinders on being forward, and almost inappropriate. Let's just say it's inappropriate as far as YOUR feelings are concerned. It doesn't matter about the technicalities. You are very uncomfortable, and you'd like him to make you feel better about it.

There!

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A female reader, MSA United States +, writes (18 February 2019):

MSA agony auntSome may see this as overly friendly and overly eager to impress. Some may say it's no biggie.

It all depends on how YOU feel. To me, the more immature males tend to all have this type of characteristic... they want to impress any female who will pay attention to them. They want to downplay their relationship with their woman at home as to show how 'manly' and 'in control' he is. All this is pretty immature.

A mature male would not need the approval of another female other than the one that he is with. He will not want to swoon or impress another. And to show how 'manly' he is, he will actually share how he dotes on his woman at home, because he knows that is what makes him more attractive.

I think your husband needs more time to grow up and understand that his wife wants him to praise and acknowledge her.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 February 2019):

Honeypie agony auntI don't really see anything improper here.

Not giving her details of what he is doing for Valentine is not needed as it REALLY isn't her business WHAT he chooses to do for you or not do.

Lying about helping someone with an app... Pretty lame behavior, sorta puffing his chest trying to sound more smart or interesting. Again, not really improper, just immature. As long as he isn't telling or trying to tell YOU such nonsense, I wouldn't really worry.

Sending her a "cheer-leader" type e-mail before a game? Not a biggie either (to me at least) -but my only concern is JUST how much they are talking if he felt a NEED to do that for her.

IS he paying YOU enough attention? Are you paying HIM attention? Are you two doing things together other than the daily routine?

Maybe you should look at your and his interactions with YOU/HIM and spark that up a little?

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