A
female
age
30-35,
*killerTwitch
writes:I've been with my girlfriend 2 and a half years and honestly some of the things she does and says take the absolute biscuit. Yesterday we were speaking about mental illness, I have confided in her before and gotten the same reaction, in my current state the doctor has diagnosed me with depression, social anxiety and OCD, however a few years ago I was at my lowest point, I became agrophobic and developed a serve fear of contamination, I became very depressed and I had given up. It still upsets me when I think about how bad I got and I am proud of how far I've came, 4 years on and I go out more but I still have my moments. My girlfriend despite suffering mental illness herself told me I don't suffer it and I never did, the way I feel and how I felt back then were choices and I did that to myself. Why would I ever do that to myself? Does she have any idea how horrible what she says is? And does she even care? I would never say that to her.. Never. This has always been an issue, if I'm having a day where I don't want to get out of bed and all I can do is cry I'm ignored or she's horrible so for the sake of staying together I'll drag myself around and do what ever she says. The other night she slept at mine and I was hungry so I grabbed a small bag of prawn crackers and started eating them but was made to stop, I apparently shouldn't be hungry because she's not so basically that night I went to bed hungry. Does anyone else think she is way out of line? I haven't spoken to her for a day but the funny thing is she's in a huff and not speaking to me. At the end of the conversation I told her I forgot that she has it worse off than anyone else because she likes to only talk about herself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): I also want to add that what your girlfriend is doing is called "projection." Since she has an agenda, she assumes you do as well. So for instance, when she accuses you of faking illness to not go out with her it is because this is something she would do. So she assumes, that like her, you also lie and fake illness to get out of something. The reason that she does this with rather benign situations is because having an angle is a pathological characteristic within her. Everything she does and everything she says, she does so with an angle. So she assumes that everything you do and everything you say is done with the same intention. It is sick. Unfortunately, her mental ailment is more of a character deficiency than it is a chemical problem in her brain. Her's is learned behavior. Your's can be controlled with medication and therapy. Her's is a lot more difficult to treat. I just wanted to offer a brief explanation about that. But I still have the same stance. She is toxic and harmful and I think you can do much better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): Yeah she is insanely out of line. And probably does have mental problems herself, clearly of a different nature. She doesn't allow you to be who you are if it doesn't serve her agenda. If it prevents you from going out with her, then according to her, you are "faking" your depression. If it prevents you from cuddling next to her while she sleeps, then you can't eat. It is very oppressive.
I've known people like her and these types, in particular, I stay away from at all costs. I'm especially sensitive to it because I grew up in a household where my mother was of the same nature. My voice and feelings became her voice and feelings. If I genuinely and irrefutably felt or thought a certain way, she would tell me I'm a liar or I'm faking it. That is if it didn't serve her agenda. I was always depressed and felt hopeless because of it.
If you already suffer from depression and whatnot this woman's behavior is going to make it worse. This I can guarantee.
I highly recommend you do not marry or have children with this woman. She is off the wall. Remember, there are a lot of good people out there who do not behave this way. In fact, you'll find she is in the minority. Keep that in mind. You can do so much better.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 January 2015):
 MOST folks have some issues. I like to say to folks about my marriage that "his broken fits my crazy"
it sounds like her broken does not fit your crazy...
Being mentally ill sucks. and it's NOT a competition but clearly she wants it to be so.
IF you were eating crackers in bed and were made to stop what prevented you from eating them out of bed? Or did you stop eating what you wanted to eat because she deemed it unnecessary? If the latter, you are choosing to give her a great deal of power and that's not good.
IF you sill have days that you can't manage to get out of bed, then your illness is not being properly maintained yet... and as such you probably should not be trying to have a romantic relationship.
IF she is harming you emotionally then you need to let her go....
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (20 January 2015):
 I'm not going to give you a "maybe you should...." Because this is controlling, manipulative behaviour that nobody needs in their life - let alone someone who has mental health struggles to deal with(please go back to your doctor).
She "made" you stop eating prawn crackers....? She's supposed to be your EQUAL PARTNER, not your mother.
Honestly, you are only damaging yourself if you stay. She's toxic and you both need to seek professional help - you deserve better than this and she will only drag you down.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (20 January 2015):
She is a bully who seems to think she has a right to control what you do and dictate how you feel/what illness you have. I would ask myself why she is going out with you since she isnt understanding at all? Does she get some kind of enjoyment out of making you feel worse about something which has not been in your control? You didnt ask to get unwell and you have clearly been working on your issues since there has been an improvement from before. It seems like she enjoys making herself feel better at your expense and she is not helping your recovery. I get the feeling that this relationship has been one sided for quite some time, she will stop talking to you until you either apologise or placate her.I know it hurts and you wouldnt write in here unless you love her. But you do deserve better and she has no right to put you down. In short, if she cannot be understanding of mental health issues despite having them herself, then she shouldnt have a relationship with someone who is recovering from a mental illness. If you need to message me feel free, I too have depression and anxiety.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 January 2015):
 She's not your doctor. If you are under the care of a doctor, then they are your care. It sounds to me like this is part of a larger ongoing issue, and that the prawn crackers are just a tiny part of the overall much larger issue.
Honeypie hit the very important point -- that both of you are not in a good place now. I can tell that you have times where it gets frustrating and you "go off" your prescribed treatment.
People do not understand mental ailments because it's something that can't be seen, and the stigma of mental illness unfortunately exists to this day, with people struggling not given understanding.
In this case, you can't be your girlfriend's doctor as well, and you didn't mention whether or not she is also under a doctor's care. However, if she is awful to you, then why are you still with her? Is it because you're used to her and feel that no one else would understand you??
My answer is -- if she is consistently mean and interjects herself into your treatment, then she is toxic and you shouldn't be in a relationship with her. There are support groups and social settings that can bring you in touch with people...so she isn't your last and only option.
PS...I wouldn't have made you quit eating prawn crackers, but I would have taken off! EWWWW! LOL
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 January 2015):
 She DICTATE that you are NOT ill and that YOU can only eat when she says so?
It sounds rather unhealthy.
Having mental illnesses or issues is not a competition is who has it worse.
My advice, dump her and FOCUS on yourself.
Find a GOOD therapist who does cognitive behavioral therapy and KEEP working on yourself.
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