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Is my girlfriend a SEX ADDICT?!! Can I trust someone like her?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 April 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 27 October 2012)
A male United States age 30-35, *katewing16 writes:

Hello i have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 months now, i have heard some weird things about her in those past 2 months that i haven't heard about before, she has had sex at least 30 times before me and her started dating and she still talks to all of her exs, idk if she is cheating on me or not but what do i do because she says "She loves me" like straight out says it after about the first week we started dating. I don't know if its the truth or not, I trust her but what do I do? is she telling the truth does she truley love me or not. She is like a huge sex addict though.

View related questions: her ex, sex addict

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012):

I dnt believe that yOu are a straite up sex addict.. I think that maybe you have had a lot of neglect in your early childhood from mother or father or both. An not to get this twisted by keep in mind that being sexually abused as a child by people you love and care about the most could follow you into adulthood making you believe your worthless, not cared about or not loved unless you are sexually pleasing your partner that you love and care about. Or maybe you don't love your bf becuz u don't love ur self, and if u had a horrible childhood and your bf constantly treats u great an tells u he's in love with you, an kisses you all nite more than likely that would pull a negative effect towards ur bf an u may never fall for him becuz u are nt used to being treated so great an you don't even believe you have a reason to exist besides to sexually please people due to childhood.

Now a stable, secure girl with a childhood not as bad that KNOWS she's beautiful would admire being treated like that but it STRIKES FEAR into the heart an minds of love addicts. Love addicts cant bare to be alone becuz they HATE themselves an past events have molded them into the person they believe they are. They want to constantly have sex with their partner becus they believe love an connection is physical an they need sex to feel wanted an desires becuz their immensely insecure an carry around a sickness an afraid to open up to Partner due to fear of abandonment an pain of being alone an the thought of not being loved. If a partner leaves love addict they go crazy like an unstable atom. Worst thing about the poor live addict are the things she does to herself... For instance. I am very very attractive guy. I've never been called on the scale less than a 10. An that's just in the face! Newest, I once fell in love with a love addict just like you skate wig.. Now that we have been over for years, the mental pain an scares are still buried deep down in my soul.

I met this beautiful plus sized girl back in summer of 2009. She was known to be a white but I didn't know that yet! I stayed over her house for the weekend following the party I met her at.. I was very popular and known so she wanted to boost her rep by hanging with me an act cool an wanted everybody to know she was with me but made it out to seem like I wanted to hang with her.. Lol by she was popular too neways I joked all weekend about I'm goin to make love to her an she would play hardball an we went to cookout an we got lit an went to get bed an nothing happens . I tried. But the next day we sat in her room all day and I'm a diff person sober so she saw a gorgeous, sensitive, caring an loving person an I felt safe around her like not a threat I could like her so I opened up about sumthng that happened to me ad child an I cried an she opened up an she cried an we held each other an. Had a connection an she opened up that she was insecure an had sex with 30 guys but didn't say why. Well I went home and 3 days later I called her an she's used to getting hurt cuz she's fat an other guys didn't notice her beautiful face like me. We talked for hours every night. 3 weeks after our first weekend I noticed by her actions an way she talked to an texts me that she was falling in love an I was too. Well I had to go to Pennsylvania for weekend for uncles wedding an tried to take her but she couldn't go.

That weekend she invited her ex over an had sex with him cuz she had anxiety all weekend an had fear I was messing with girls but I wasent an if I knew that then I would have ran but she told me this years later. We aren't together now. Then in August she admitted that she's in love with me an I had to go to a family reunion. In va an couldn't take her. Only family so once again hit insecure becus I'm Hott an girls always blush an she sees it when were together so thinks that I'm a bad guy when I'm not around cuz of her past hurt an my appearance so while I'm at family reunion people later tell me that she was drunk with her friends on a party bus flirting with a less hotter guy an tool him home. That's not cool at all an she STILL had not admitted. I stayed with her in love with her an we started a relationship an had no knowledge of what she did. During September she lived at my house an would flirt with my brother an try to hang an watch tv with him when I went to work to provide for me and my big girl I was in love with.

Sorry if that sounded harsh but thinking about it makes me mad. I didn't know about that either till after. In October we went to a Halloween party together an some girl flirting with me an she got furious an I wasent flirting an started flirting with guys not one, guys!! Grabbed their shoulders an was looking in their eyes smiling?? I went to guest bedroom to sleep an she came up hours later. Around this time in our relationship I started to always feel pain in my heart an like sum things not right. I texted my guy friend to take him out for his birthday an she sat on his lap an feciciously smiled at me an talked to him all night an then I ignored her cuz I was hurt an mad. Then she started texting him when I wasent around saying she wanted to be his friend but one day she got mad at me an said she had sex with him!! That shit hurts whether she was lying it not am thinking about it now still hurts.

Neways stuff like this happened for a year an a half an I stayed with her and loved het but over this year and some., I changed, I was insecure, broken an felt like I was surrounded by a cloud of darkness. I knew she was either a love or sex addict but I could not leave her cuz I was in love with her an my huge heart would only think about her childhood as I tried to move on. Every time for days, weeks when I ran, I would come back an get hurt worse every time cuz little did I know that every time I ran for my hearts sake that her fantasy was broken an she wanted revenge, sex with people to feel loved. Attention, care AND LOVE. She did all of this when I ran becuz I HURT HER BY RUNING TO PROTECT MY HEART. CUZ SHE'S HURT THAT STUFF WAS NECESSary!! Now tell me that's not a sickness she has ?? I had to go to a 90 day rehab cuz I was using drugs an alcohol everyday to make the pain not hurt as much when I was spending time with the very unfortunate love of my life.. I am a guy but you have no IDEA how much I have cried out loud to get begging her to stop and realize that I haven't abandoned you an it's been a year and I'm not going to becuz I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU.. But she had her mind made up that I'm Hott therefore during that year that I DIDNT LOVE HER and only ACTED LIKE I DID an acted out my crying scenes that where better than the audience in the theatre of watching the titanic that I probably had sex with 100 girls. This was the saddest 2years of my life watching this girl destroy get happy life she could have had without her sickness an insecurity. I HATE HER MOM HER STEPDAD AND EVERYBODY THAT STOPPED ME FROM BEING WITH MY BEAUTIFUL GOTGEOUS PLUS SIZED BABY an I hate the sickness of love addiction coming into my baby's life.

Now I have to hurt living everyday without the love of my life due to the fact I could never trust get cuz she STILL LIES to me while trying to everyday get me back becus NOW AFTET WE BROKE UP SHE HAD TIME TO HAVE FLASHBACKS sAND DREAMS OF MY BEAUTIFUL FACE LOOKING INTI HER EYES WHILE SHEADING A TEAR AN TRYING TO CONVINCE HER THAT I LOVE HER MORE THAN SHE WILL EVER KNOW an then the next day the insecurity an sickness gets to her when I'm not around an she does it again. The only thing is her doing this an lying to me an hurting me was out of desperation trying to get me to say I don't love her an I have cheated on her to give herself satisfaction that her fear an insecurity didn't ruin out future . Well guess what. It did. I have never cheated on her and was in love with her do she still after we're over will never hear that. People say after I got out of rehab an wouldn't txt or call her an lived 10. Mins from get that she got on drugs messed with people tried to hurt me had dreams about me an cried herself to sleep everynite realizing that I was in live with that plus sized girl an that I didn't cheat an she settled me down an I wanted get for life an all she did was make a fool of me an doing things while out at the bar with guys cuz in her sick head she thought our mutual friends that would be at the bar knew stuff that I was doing with girls an did things with guys in front of them an even went home with them sometimes an all this pain I have was so she could act like she didn't love me cuz she thought she was a fool an it was all made up in her head cuz she thinks she's fat an ugly an I won't ever love her even though I told her I love her an never left her side for years.

I'm sorry for venting people but I have to hurt every day from what she did an not being able to be with her for those reasons an the only reason im ok an not feeling completely stupid is becuz I can only imagine he'd pain knowing NOW that this almost perfect 10 sweet sensitive wonderful guy was in love with her an she can't have him.

Took 3 years of utter pain but I FINALLY fell out of love with her an now she's just a lil stalker nutcase as she observes the girls I date that are 10 out of 10s like me. It's sad an painful but I finally realized that she did this to herself an she needs severe mental help.. I'm sorry skate wig but by the sound of your story an how love AND sex addicts both confuse sex and love, you may have a lot more than just her sleeping with guys to worry about. She's broken??

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A female reader, heathcupid United States +, writes (8 October 2012):

hey, i am a sex addict. however i am true to my boyfriend of 1yea and 4months. i wont cheet on my man, even when he gives me a hard time about having sex, it confuses me that he doesnt like haveing sex that much with me, but we would do it once or twice a day if it were up to me. i have told him we would break up and i would move on to someone who doesnt mind sex as much as i like to have it. but id never cheet on him.

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A male reader, Glover United States +, writes (18 November 2010):

Glover agony auntListen its funny you say that. My girlfriend had sex with 15 people and messed around with a bunch more. I have no idea how many other dudes she slept with. She even slept with a famous DJ named DJ.SER3L. That makes her a groupie! She's fucked up a few times and drank with other people that I don't like and this was all done behind my back. I had to find everything out on my own. She even got drunk and kissed my best friend when I went to the bathroom. The thing about her is that she's really hot, and the only reason why you shouldn't be a sucker for a hot girl is because you get attached. I was at a stage like you, I used to have my doubts about her because of her past but I let that go. And now she has fucked up time and time again but I feel like I'm a sex addict and I know if I break it off with her I'm no longer going to get sum. Who am I kidding I'm sort of a nerd, I'm an emotional guy I'm going to miss her. What I'm trying to say man is break it off, don't become a sucker for love like me. Everyday it gets harder and harder for me to break up. Once someone lies to you there is no way to get that trust back. Hey time heals all but once you get hurt from a betrayal or trust issues that does permanent damage. I broke up with her so many times and I just get back with her in a few days. Its not kool man. Help yourself when your still early in the game.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010):

she loves you... just like she liked everyone before you - soon she will say to her self - next.

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A male reader, watchmen Canada +, writes (13 July 2010):

To the guy who says it's impossible to fall in love with someone in a week. I did. It was weird, we both felt like we already met before and the first few days felt like a week and the next, a month.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008):

Fallow your instincts! Skip the ego part! You do not care who she was sleeping with and how many partners she had. you have an issue weather she can satisfy you emotionally!!! Person that is having lifestyle like that and consideres sex as fun is a good lover but a bad girlfriend! Involving emotionaly with somebody who you do not share the same values will make you doubt in your own version of realty so...THINK TWICE!!!

My sugestion is get to know her better and find out about her views on gathernes, closenes and loyalty...don't be too obvious! :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008):

Sometimes having sex with many people or a lot can be an insecurity issue. My friend says she feels sex makes her the closest she can get to someone and feels it is the only way to get someone to like her. Maybe shes insecure, maybe she is a nymph, who knows. But by saying she loves you so soon may be that she has self esteem issues and attaches herself to people who seem to care about her. She does not love you within the first week however. That has to be infatuation. I wouldnt say it was a lie, she may think she does, but not true love. It is impossible to know someone well enough and to love them within a week. All i can say is if you dont trust her and constantly are afraid she is cheating on you with her exes, you should not be together. Even though she may not be cheating on you, trust your instincts and realize that if you do not or cannot trust her, there can be no relationship.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008):

I agree with the above... (guy talk though) if she's a hoe give her the throw. BUT if she's into you and loyal... you're a lucky man sir I commend you lol, you lucky bastard ;)

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