A
male
age
36-40,
*hilipn86
writes:My ex girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago. Literally the day after my bday actually. On my actual bday she was giving me the cold shoulder all day. She was more concerned with watching shows on her laptop then spending time with me. We were together 2 months. In those 2 months we fell in love fast. Faster than i usually do. We just hit it off and had instant chemistry and could relate to eachother and had lots in common. She had baggage though. She had some self esteem issues and depression. But that never really got in the way until this week. She breaks up with me through fb messenger. Tells me she's just unhappy right now and has alot on her plate and is really stressed. I get all that. I was understanding and said ok i understand. She left a few things at my house and txts me saying she was gonna get them and if i can leave them in my mailbox. She wanted to avoid seeing me basically. As were txting earlier i say are we going to eventually speak and talk and she gets upset saying i'm not being understanding etc. I apoligized but i was apart of our time together too and wanted some clarity cause i felt like she had zero respect for me with how she went about handling things and her just treating me like crap on my bday.In her txts she says she needs to work on her self and that I do too. She says part of the reason is i have no goals or ambition. Which is really funny coming from her. I don't have the best of jobs but it's a honest job and i work and i'm independent.She works under her best friend in a production studio. But she isn't getting paid at all for anything. She makes no money and pays no bills. Has no car. Her best friend pays for my ex's cell phone bill and pays for anything else she needs. My ex lives at home and her mother doesn't ask her to help out at all with any bills. Her mom kinda spoils her. I'm living at home with family too but i pay rent and my cell phone bill and other bills. I'm working on getting a better job and she knew that. She always told me she loves me regardless of what my job is. All she cared about was me treating her right and making time for her. I did alot for her. I always made her feel special. Her bday was last week. I went out of my way to make sure she enjoyed her day. Not just with nice things I got her but in other ways too. I would take time off work so we could see eacother since she was at the studio so much. She's very driven and passionate about what she does. Her and her best friend along with two other friends started a nerd youtube channel and their shooting videos doing movie reviews. Their trying to get that doing good so they can make money from that. I feel like she wasn't being realistic. She could do that but also get a part time job so she could make money and save for a car she wanted. But she didn't want that. I always supported her with her youtube stuff. I just feel like she is gonna continue this never ending on and off depression cycle. Plus she's never been wit a actual nice good guy who truly cared for her and treated her right. I feel like I was so different than what she was used too and she can't accept that a guy truly wants to be there for her and treat her nice.
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ambition, best friend, broke up, ex girlfriend, fell in love, lives at home, living at home, money, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 April 2017):
 It sounds to me like you came on way to strong and it has scared her. As for you being independent that is great, it looks to me like she wants a man that can look after himself and HER. She wants a man to bring home all the money so she can work on her hobbies and passions.
Look if she suffers from depression then she can only help herself. But a relationship should not be this difficult after two months. It seems that you are not her type off guy and you sound like you have had a lucky escape in all honesty.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 April 2017):
 Eh, you were only together for two months so I'd just block her and move on.
2 months into a relationship shouldn't be this ... stressful.
You, OP dodged a bullet.
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A
male
reader, Philipn86 +, writes (16 April 2017):
Philipn86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHer best friend is a woman. They are like sisters so there's no weirdness there that I ever sensed. And there's no other guy. She's just very unhappy with herself. She's a heavy set woman. She Would Always Be Really Hard On Herself And Put Herself Down about her weight. I never considered myself her white knight or therapist. I just believe in treating a woman right by being there for them. Not in materialistic things but listening to them and being a good bf. And if they are sad then try to make them feel better at east a little. There is a part of me that does think she got what she could outta me. Not intentionally but when she saw I couldn't always spend money on going to the movies or dinners until next payday I feel like it bothered her. I feel like she felt I didn't get a new better job or do what I had to quick enough in her opinion. I don't know what to think. I made mistakes too. I did make her feel smothered a little bit. I'd stay with her on the weekends and stayed with her at her house for almost a month but that was due to my brother and sister in law having to use my room due to losing their home to a fire. She tries to say how independent she is but like I said she depends on her best friend and mother for everything. I get her point about me not having a great job or car but I still pay my own way and don't depend on people to help me. I don't like taking a bus to get around but I do cause I'm not gonna depend on other people to drive me around. I don't always like spending money on uber but I do to get around. I just chalk this experience up to her being a very unhappy person and us moving to fast. I never ever fall for a women this quickly or move this fast but there was just instant chemistry there with her and we had a ton in common and a connection.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (16 April 2017):
Good heavens! A couple of months and the honeymoon phase has passed and already you’re angry and resentful about bills, money, jobs and how you do or don’t support each other? It’s not supposed to be like this after a couple of months. You say her issues never got in the way but look how far this has deteriorated in a couple of months. How do you even know what will or won’t get in the way when you clearly haven’t even got to know each other properly yet?
Save yourselves the upset, bitterness and disappointment and realise that you are simply miles apart in how you live your lives and what you want from the future. Your personalities seem very different as well.
I agree with YouWish’s well-constructed answer. I think this girl attracts the white knight types who want to save someone from the big bad world. Her best friend probably feels validated by a sense of rescuing or taking care of this girl, and I think that you also believe that you can change her and get her through her issues. Unfortunately, relationships based on such interdependence don’t work. Eventually you’ll tire of the one-sidedness, her selfishness and neediness, if you haven’t already. The fact that she’s not really in love with you will drive her to find more and more excuses to criticise you and you’ll both make each other miserable.
In the nicest way I can, I’m telling you that if this is how it is after a couple of months, you really do just need to go your separate ways, wish each other well and move on.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 April 2017):
 You were together and fell in love after only 2 months?? No, this has nothing to do with accepting some good guy.
I noticed that you said this:
"Her best friend pays for my ex's cell phone bill and pays for anything else she needs."
You also said this:
"All she cared about was me treating her right and making time for her. I did alot for her. I always made her feel special. Her bday was last week. I went out of my way to make sure she enjoyed her day. Not just with nice things I got her but in other ways too."
Two things here - I noticed that you didn't mention her best friend's GENDER. Is this best friend a guy?? Why would a female best friend be paying her cell phone bill and other things she wants financially.
I also noticed that "treating her right" meant that you are a resource to her, not a guy she was truly interested in. The more she realized that you weren't in a position to financially support her, she dumped you. That plus this "best friend" seems like more than a best friend.
It's suspicious when the relationship moves way too fast. You're not her therapist or white knight, so you are not responsible for her mental well-being. In fact, in this case, if she dumped you after only 2 months without draining your bank account and emotions, then consider yourself lucky you dodged a bullet.
Cut off all contact with her. She has another guy she's already moved on to and is playing her games with. She wants a meal ticket, and that has nothing to do with love. Those words were to stroke your ego in order to get what she wanted out of you. Notice that she didn't support you the same way? You were a financial and emotional crutch.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (15 April 2017):
She's your ex. Forget about her. If it makes you feel any better it sounds like she did you a favor.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 April 2017):
 As much as people want to say there is equality of sexes in the career department, there is still a bit of double standard when it comes to a man being able to provide financially for women. Maybe it's because it's easier for an incomeless woman to get a man than the other way round. The reason why this whirlwind romance was quick then burned out was because she wasn't really in it for love, but to get it quickly done so that she would be swooped away from her family into a new home where sex would be convenient and where her bills would be taken care of too, with less the embarrassment from using family members and friends. It's not that she can't accept you. She's not over her ex and her heart is not in the right place to be in a proper relationship.
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