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Is my boyfriend's penis too big? It will be my first time and I'm scared of the pain!

Tagged as: Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 August 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 25 July 2012)
A female Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am a 19 virgin and ready to lost my virginity to my bf. When we want to have sex last night and found that his penis is too big. I don't think he able to fit inside me without hurting me a lot. I ask him to measure it for me and is 8.5" long and 2.3" thick. I am too scare and ask him to have sex next week. I am expecting something like 5.5" and then most is 6". I never imagine a penis can be so big. Is he abnormal?

My friend told me that even average penis consider too big for a virgin and noway for me to start with this size. Is it true that he is too big for a virgin?

Another friend told me that I need to plan more margin in stretching pain and a lot of tearing feeling since he is so big, hymen breaking may not be the worse pain in this condition. I am very worry now.

View related questions: hymen, lost my virginity

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A male reader, Rajan India +, writes (25 July 2012):

Hmm yes ur bf penis size is big . as i know that, the avrage penis size is 5, to 6 . so it will be hurt when u get it inside u.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009):

that is big jjust use lube and you two need to tell eachother what does and dosent feel good

comunication is going to be the key to everything

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A female reader, beachbabe Chile +, writes (17 August 2009):

beachbabe agony auntno guy is too big for any girl. He just need to take his time & be gentle with you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009):

I'm about the same dimensions and this "gift" actually ruined a couple relationships b/c we just couldn't get past the painful sex.

Another suggestion, in addition to all the valid ones above, is to get yourself a 10" skinny dildo and measure where your discomfort level. If it's past 8" then you just have to worry about the thickness, which really isn't that hard to do. But if it starts to hurt after 5 or 6" then there's going to be some trouble.

I can guarantee you that only staying half in is not going to work. When you put a vagina in front of a boy, eventually he's going to think about just himself.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009):

it is said that some beautiful and famous women prefer massive penises and go to great lengthes to meet guys with big ones but thank goodness there are girls like you who do not like big ones otherwise we poor guys with small to medium sizes would have been sentenced to a life of cilibacy.I suggest that your BF put his asset to good use and find one of those rich ladies or become a porn star and you find yourself a guy with normal size. Good luck to you both.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009):

Assuming that he actually measured correctly, then that is very big. Average length is about 5.5 inches and average girth is about 4.8 inches. If he is 2.3 wide then his girth is probably greater than 6 inches. A penis is normally wider than it is thick.

As has already been said, the length doesn't have to be a problem. He doesn't have to go in all the way. However, there is nothing that can be done about the thickness. A lot of foreplay is in order before he tries to penetrate. Also, use a good lube. My favorite is K-Y Silk, but a lot of people like Astroglide.

My wife tried to have sex with a guy who was very thick and she says that he never did get it in. That was many years ago and she was far from a virgin at the time. She was in her early 30s. They tried twice and it just hurt her too much to allow him to continue. However, she was always tighter than any of the other 4 women who I have ever had sex with and she said that they did little foreplay. She said that he told her that he never had a problem with any other woman. Having had sex hundreds of times before will not automatically make a woman loose.

Use lots of foreplay, use a lube, make sure he takes it slow and stop if it hurts too much and try again the next day. And try to relax and not be afraid. If it hurts too much then just stop. That is all you can do unless you just grit your teeth and take it, but that won't make you less afraid or more relaxed the next time.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 August 2009):

Honeypie agony auntI wouldn't focus on the size so much really. What you need to focus on is a LOT of foreplay so your body is ready for the sex. If you are (pardon if it sounds crude) good and wet his size should be a problem. That and he really needs to take is nice and slow.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009):

First, most guys can't measure... 6" becomes 12" really quickly, but even if he got it right, just becasue he has 8.5" does NOT mean that all if it goes into you! There are positions that will allow you to contol the depth (let him spoon you and enter you from behind or you climb on top and control the penetration). If you're on your back (missionary position) or on your knees (Doggie style) he could pentrate you to the point of discomfort.

Here's the key- you two need to work up to this, play is important- fingers & toys should be FUN! Use enough lube to make sure everything glides nicely- tell him (using LOTS of words - not grunts) how it feels, be decsriptive and educate him on how what he's doing feels good. Show him what feels good- use a dildo on yourself with him watching, guys generally LOVE this as it's a great educational experience... one you don't get from watching porn on the internet... having a communicative lover TEACH you how to please a woman is one of the greatest gifts a woman can give a man!

Relax and enjoy yourself - you may want to check out a podcast from 'Great Sex Games' called 'Sex is Fun' - they address how to make loosing your virginity a good experience, and the show's informative and well done- it's also funny and entertaining... they have well over 100 podcasts to date...

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A female reader, Jolin Saint Lucia +, writes (13 August 2009):

Jolin agony auntit's definetely very big!

if you two want to penetrate, he'd better do it half first instead of full. If you feel ok, i guess 8.5" is just fine

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009):

Is that 2.3" diameter? Because I think average width is something like 5.5" circumference. 2.3" diameter is pretty huge, and 8.5" long is well above average too. As far as length, he can just be really careful not to go in too far. Also you being on top is a lot better for that because you can be in control (though personally I find it harder to get excited enough when I'm concentrating on how to move lol). Maybe if you guys try playing around with an average (6") sized dildo for a bit first? And spend a while on foreplay and getting you relaxed and as ready as you can be :) Hope it works out!

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