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Is my boyfriend tired of me?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 June 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 25 June 2011)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nine months now and lately I feel like he doesn't want me around. I'm home for the summer since I was away at college and now that I'm home I would think things would be perfect because we couldn't see each other before.

Now were constantly arguing over petty small things. Hes constantly finding faults in me. Its so many things I even created a list everytime he finds something wrong with me I add it to the list.

1st, he says I don't consider his feelings and I'm not sure why, because I'm always trying to make sure I don't say anything wrong that would bother him.

2nd, he says I'm self centered not exactly sure why he says this. When I ask how he won't give me a example.

3rd, he gets mad because I fall asleep when we get to his house at night. I can't help it if im tired, it be during the hours of 11pm to 2am who wouldn't fall asleep! Now I've made it a point to not fall asleep no matter how sleepy I am.

4th, he says I'm scared to talk to his family. Which was true I am a very shy person. When I come around people I dont know I get nervous and start shaking. I've been tryin to work on it by holding conversations with his mom.

5th, he says I act like I'm scared to touch him involving sex. Again I am shy and at first it was hard for me to make the first move to get him aroused. All my life I never had to make the first move and I've been working on it.

6th, he says I have a bad attitude. I don't think this is true because I don't give an attitude until i'm given one. I always try to make sure it doesn't seem like i'm mad or have a attitude because I have been told I look mean.

7th, he gets mad because I cry easily. I'm a emotional person and when things bother me or I get angry I cry.

8th, recently hes been saying I talk to much. When I met him he had a problem because I was so quite. now its a issue. The other day he went off and yelled at he "can you please just shut up, just shut up" when he did that I wanted to cry because it hurt but I held it in because I knew it would make things worse. Instead I just tried being more quite. And now that I'm being more quite he assumes I have a attitude. So I don't know if I should talk or just be quite.

9th, he says i'm a sensitive baby. I guess because I cry easily when he does something wrong towards me I tell him he hurt me. Before him I used to just hold me feelings in and either cry or write about to get it out. But keeping it to myself doesn't help the situation.

And last night he made me feel so unwanted. We were hanging out and one of his friend called him and he told him that he could come over. I felt a certain type of way because I thought it was our time I didn't want his friend there while I was there and watch them play video games. Thank goodness his friend never called him back. Later on out of no where he says "I'm going to the waffle house with my friend."

That bothered me because we just pulled up to his house and were about to go inside. I didn't mind if he went out with his friend but to dump me to go to the waffle house after he asked me if he were hanging out for the rest of the night.

When I told him it was messed up he got mad and said, "I won't go". I said I'm leaving because now your going to have a attitude. I can tell I'm not wanted. And when I told him how it hurt me he said I was too sensitive. Then after I bi***ed about it then he apologizes and says let me make it up to you. I wouldn't be mad if he didn't do it in the first place. I never pick out his faults or try to hurt him. It just seems like hes always doing that to me.

I feel like I can't be myself around him. I have to make sure I don't say the wrong thing or talk to much. Is he tired of me? or is it just me?

View related questions: shy

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A female reader, jellybeans20009 United States +, writes (25 June 2011):

Your question should not be "is my boyfriend tired of me?" it should be "I am going to dump this jerk, what are some good ways to do it?". All those things you just listed were horrible, awful things he did/said.

He should NOT be putting you down and degrading you no matter what.

It is really, extremely difficult to think of separating your romantic feelings toward a person you're in a relationship with and how you feel about them as a friend, person, etc. But it is of the utmost importance, like in your case right now.

Do you feel like this is love? The degradation, the verbal abuse? No, it definitely is not. As hard and painful as this may sound, you need to break up with him. You need to dump him. Why? Because he is not good enough for you. All this time I read you saying how you think you're too this and you're scared to do that. You're tip toeing around this guy.

Honey, this is not a life that is meant for anyone to live.

Love yourself. That's the love you need to find. As cheesy and cliched as it sounds, you need to love yourself. You are worth so much more than how he's treating you.

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A female reader, a_maldita Philippines +, writes (25 June 2011):

a_maldita agony auntGuys are usually like that.. they can't say it straight to our faces that they want to end it right then and there... My bf is so much more of your bf.. Seems like everything in me is wrong, but I don't know what it is wrong he just said it... I'm actually giving myself time to be far from him and think if is there something wrong with me like he used to tell me or it's just really him... Well you should do the same too...

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A female reader, a_maldita Philippines +, writes (25 June 2011):

a_maldita agony auntsame thing is happening to me now... my bf always find something wrong in me.. or even all the things I'm doing is wrong... Well what should I do then?? I'm just so sick and tired of him telling me your a bad person and that you need to change... He says the exact same thing you got an attitude and I told him it depends if you show me you have one too... Most of the time he gets upset with me but now if he tries to call me I don't even want to pick up the phone...I think I'm better off with out him telling me how bad I was!!! I you feel very unhappy then take the first step and leave him before he dumps you for good!!! At least in that way you still have yourself and took the courage to break it up! Good luck but still hoping it will work for both of you....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011):

Yes, essentially he's showing that he doesn't like you very much thus the long list of things he keeps pointing out. A lot of guys don't have the guts to do the breaking up part so instead they behave in such a horrendous way that they "force" the female to have to do it. I'd say it's time to seriously consider moving on and opening yourself up to somebody who DOES like you and who will make you feel appreciated. I'm quite sure there are a lot of guys at college you can date and that you'd actually get to see more than just during the summers. Best wishes.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011):

These are signs that he wants to break up. My ex of 1.5 years did all the exact things. He was cold, always trying to find fault even I did nothing wrong, bring me down to make feel so useless to him, had arguments everyday over small things, going out more often with his mates than spending time with me and finally... he broke up with me over an sms. He didn;t have the guts to tell me right in the face.

If you really want things to work, sit him down like adults and talk about issues both of you are having. Good Luck.

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