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Is my boyfriend possibly controlling and abusive? Is he playful or hurtful?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 October 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 17 October 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have a very playful relationship but sometimes he can take things too far. The other night we were playing around he hit my chest really hard so I backed if and that made him upset. So I pulled him outside to talk. And he was acting like he didn't even want to look at me, so he was like you know what I'll just go but I went after him and told him not leave but the way he started like pushing me away made me cry and then he grabbed me and told me not to cry. Then he said sorry if I play to much. I feel like I went to far because you got upset so I just stopped like you asked, I love you so much I'm really sorry. We went back inside and had dinner before he left he went to say goodbye to my father and I said something and he hit my shoulder but we were playing around and we went outside and I was like your so abusive and he was like don't say that I'd never hit you like that he left a little bit after that but when I came inside my dad was like don't ever let me see him putting his hands on you like that again I told him we were just playing and he said yea that's how it starts. Could I be leading myself into an abusive relationship?

2nd post:

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 5 months now. We talk almost everyday and see each other when were off and have the time. When I text or call him and he doesn't answer I leave him alone until he responds back. But when my boyfriend texts or calls me and I don't answer I keep getting text or like 6 missed calls. And that confuses me because if I were to that he'd get upset like dang I was busy but he does it to me. And if he texts me at night and I say I'm heading home he asks why was I out and where was I ? But he goes out and parties and chills with friends but doesn't always let me know. Or if I'm texting a lot while he's around he stare at me but he texts all the time and I never say a word. I don't get why he acts like that, it's not all the time but it does happen every so often. I'm just wondering why he gets like that sometimes.

View related questions: I love you, text

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A female reader, BondGirl72 United States +, writes (17 October 2012):

BondGirl72 agony auntThat is the thing. He is playing games with you, and that is just something you do not need. You need someone you can rely on and treat you with respect...all the time...not just part of the time. I have had experience with this and unfortunately, it just gets worse. I gave too many chances for my ex to get himself in line...2 years worth of chances. Things just got worse and I got more and more distraught and depressed. My advice to you would be to get out now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He does kiss me goodbye that when I walk him to his car. He's acting like an ass to night again and he won't even answer my calls. :(

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A female reader, BondGirl72 United States +, writes (17 October 2012):

BondGirl72 agony auntHaving had experience with emotional abuse, it does sound like your boyfriend has abusive tendencies. First of all, *playing around* is a lot different than being violent. Partners should not hit one another in violence. I could see if he was swatting you on the rear in a flirtatious way...that is different. But, he isn't.

Secondly, why doesn't he kiss you when he leaves? He hits you on the shoulder instead? Sorry, but you know this isn't right.

The texting is also an issue as it shows his controlling nature. I agree with your father and think you should distance yourself from this guy. Plus, it was inconsiderate and controlling to tell you to stop crying. He should have said he was sorry and he wouldn't do it again, but he didn't. He made it YOUR fault by saying "we were just playing...stop crying." I would leave him.

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A female reader, Dear Mandy United Kingdom +, writes (16 October 2012):

Dear Mandy agony auntHI

Sounds like you and your boyfriend need to grow up or split up. As for the rough play, it don't start like that then turn abusive, you just need to make it clear that you don't like to play rough, if he continues to then tell him stop or it's over AND MEAN IT, if he cares for you he will stop, if not then he is not the uy for you. He does sound like he likes to be in control, which leads me to believe he is arrogant and self centered! but only YOU know what he is really like and weather or not you want to put up with that?

Good luck

Mandy x

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