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Is my boyfriend gay???

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 June 2007) 34 Answers - (Newest, 26 June 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, *nfsdnluv writes:

Is my boyfriend gay? I have questioned my boyfriend's sexuality a bit in our relationship. He is not exactly metrosexual, but he has some interesting tendancies. He is always concerned about his appearance, although he doesn't know the difference between designer jeans and jeans from target. He is a bit obsessed with cleaning and cleanliness. He irons better than I do, he vacuums and does the laundry better than I do, and he even SCRUBS the carpet unlike myself who usually just runs a vacuum through it from time to time. He's not at all good at cooking, though. He listens to an interesting array of music - ranging from a TON of Jimmy Buffett to Alanis Morrisette, Elton John, Carrie Underwood and lots of Frank Sinatra and the like. And, not to get too personal or graphic, but he enjoys sex, but it seems like he never takes my shirt off during sex, he often asks for anal sex, and he doesn't like to go down on me. I, personally, think his dad is gay, so I've confronted my boyfriend about his sexuality. He didn't take it too badly, just said he wasn't. Then, he went out one night with his best friend and got wasted. I had to pick him up from the bar and on the way home he was telling me all about their night. He also said that he and his best friend made out - and then took it back. (I really dont' think they did make out as his best friend is married and doesn't seem to have ANY gay tendencies). However, I think he might have a crush on his best friend and I think he might have been trying to tell me that he is confused. Needless to say, our relationship has gone from great, to good, to worse, to ended at this point. But, I'm not entirely sure why it's over. I think he, actually, pushed me away and I know all of his past relationships were broken off by the girls - not him. So...is my boyfriend gay?

View related questions: anal sex, best friend, crush

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011):

I think he gay cause ppl just don't make out with they friends of Tha same sex that's just not rite n even if he's curious u should b careful because that's something to serious for one to handle

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (14 February 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt Hard to tell, you say he ( maybe ) makes out with guys or has a crush on his male friend, then he could be bisexual .

Then again, what you are using as surefire "gayness "indicators are instead far from reliable and are rather banally stereotypical.

My very hetero husband was a compulsive neatness freak and a big Elton John fan. I have a gay friend who is a total slob. I adore Melissa Etheridge and that does not make me a lesbian.

As for performing oral sex, some men like it...and some others don't. There also are lot of cultures in which it's considered unmanly and vaguely demeaning.

Your post would seem to convey though that you are not exactly

overjoyed about your physical relationship. My advice is : find yourself a more attentive, compatible lover- and stop watching too many Will and Grace reruns.

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A male reader, reesie87 United States +, writes (14 February 2011):

I believe your boyfriend is gay. This is coming from a gay married male that has been buried in the closet for his entire life. Do him a favor and let him go. While I wish every gay man or woman had the courage to come out, it just isn't that easy. I have had an escape for many years in a male nurse who has been my side companion in between his relationships. We are very much in love but he accepts that I don't have what it takes to come out. I wish so much that I had faced reality years ago as every day that goes by I know that I am missing the best part of being in love. Free yourself and find a man that will make you happy and maybe, with a little luck, he will do the same.

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A male reader, reesie87 United States +, writes (14 February 2011):

I believe your boyfriend is gay. This is coming from a gay married male that has been buried in the closet for his entire life.

Do him a favor and let him go. While I wish every gay man or woman had the courage to come out, it just isn't that easy.

I have had an escape for many years in a male nurse who has been my side companion in between his relationships.

We are very much in love but he accepts that I don't have what it takes to come out.

I wish so much that I had faced reality years ago, as every day that goes by I know that I am missing the best part of being in love.

Free yourself and find a man who will make you happy and maybe, with a little luck, he will do the same.

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A female reader, too confused Greece +, writes (13 September 2010):

I am also really confused right now about my bf if he is gay. Most of the times I think that he is the love of my life and I know that he has felt the same for me. We were dating in some way for 3 years, but we were never together because we were always "arguing" as a matter of a fact I was getting mad with him and I was always ending with him because he was acting careless and sometimes even evil at moments. He was never calling me to see how I am, but on the other side all of his best friends thought that he loves me a lot and he was telling even to his parents about me. However, I always found him very weird at moments and once I asked him if he's gay and he couldn't answer he got confused and then I said that I was joking. And he was always talking quite close to one of bf's.

Anyway, I was a virgin all the time and he never actually tried to do smth about it. He was just going to mention sometimes that we are not having sex but he was never trying once he even left my house because I kinda suggested that(in the meantime I had a relationship with another guy and I lost my virginity because I wanted to forget him). However, we got back together again one month ago, he came to talk and he sounded like never before. We started a relationship we had sex 3 times during 3 days and after that I went away for 2 weeks because we are from different countries. He called me only once self initially during 2 weeks and when I went to meet him he was totally uninterested in me, in having sex, in everything he was always with his friends and forgetting about me. I made him have sex once, but I tried really hard to get his d... up and in the middle of the sex he stopped. After that we didn't have sex in the next 2 weeks he was always leaving home after clubs and at the end I broke up with him because it was too much. The reason he gave me was that he lost his sexual feelings for me and I just want to mention that I get compared to Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie. My point is to mention that my looks are not the reason he would not be attracted to me. I love him too much and I want to help him because he seems too confused.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010):

I am gay and was just dating a guy who is completely in the closet (out to no one)...we work together (which made him being in the closet odd to say the least). I am somewhat out at work but no one at work is aware that he and i are dating (am not sure if i would even call it that at this point). I found out through random talking to coworkers (who obviously didnt know our situation) that he has a girlfriend, a fact he hid from me. He had told me he was single when we first met and actively pursued me...i was a bit hesitant because i didnt want a relationship at work with someone who i see everyday. I wished I had used my better judgement. Anyway, he has no intention of coming out anytime soon. It would be easy to say he is curious or experimenting, but it isnt the case. We are both in our mid to late twenties and it seems he has had more sex through random online hookups, than i have had living an open, however apparently less slutty, life. He is happy enough in his closet or at least more comfortable than having to deal with his sexuality openly. Having gone through this from this side, I can say is this is probably a lot more common than you think. I am angry and upset. I feel bad for his girlfriend. Mostly I just feel sorry for him, not an easy life he has chosen and in the end he is cheating himself the most.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010):

I had this problem too, but I am gay as well so it all worked out fine ^_^, now me and my boyfriend love each other more than ever

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A female reader, CatherineA United States +, writes (11 July 2010):

Good grief. Let me get this straight (no pun intended): he has no interest in your breasts (he actually keeps them covered when he has sex with you), he LOVES giving you anal sex, you think his father is gay, he didn't mind when you questioned his sexuality, and he admitted he "made out" with another man, and you aren't sure if he's gay??? Ask yourself this question: What kind of heterosexual man would do these things? WAKE UP, GIRLFRIEND.

P.S. Apparently you cannot even get reliable advice from gay/bi men, since most of them are admitting they spent a lot of time being confused themselves.

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A female reader, Sweet Embrace United States +, writes (25 June 2010):

lol..very funny! I have a similar experience. I've been dating this guy for a year now and I've noticed that he is very close to this guy and found out that this guy is also spending the night at my bf's place. He sometimes come over around 10pm on a week day since my bf and I always spend the weekend together. One time this guy showed up to my bf's place and I was so mad at them because my bf suggested that I stay home and they will go out for 2 hours since I'm tired. So I decided to just go home and he begged me to stay and they didnt go anywhere. Just recently, I found some pics of him wearing make up. I also found out that the other close friend of his who lives out of state that he talks on the phone for hours is the guy that he is inlove with. I found some emails containing "f.... u later, i miss u and i love u.." Very disturbing! He never say "I love you" to me and he's not very affectionate when he writes an email except for take care or muah muah but he's saying it to the other guy. He wants to have anal with me and we tried but I cant handle it so he stopped. I think he's bi because he can get it up with me except for some days when he met with his guy friend that he cant get it up and his d.... just die while we're doing it. I know that he's fu...... his male friends although i havent caught them in the act. I love him so much and I want to be just his friend for now but I dont know how I can have sex with him again. I have no problem with bi, gay or lesbians, I think they are expressing their sexuality the way they want it and just being true to themselves. All I want right now is just a little honesty from him. I dont want to embarrassed him. I will not judge him for his actions or for whoever he is. It's just that he's being hypocrite about it saying that he hates gay people because the way they act is not normal..having sex with the same sex...might be just a cover up after all...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010):

lol..very funny! I have a similar experience. I've been dating this guy for a year now and I've noticed that he is very close to this guy and found out that this guy is also spending the night at my bf's place. He sometimes come over around 10pm on a week day since my bf and I always spend the weekend together. One time this guy showed up to my bf's place and I was so mad at them because my bf suggested that I stay home and they will go out for 2 hours since I'm tired. So I decided to just go home and he begged me to stay and they didnt go anywhere. Just recently, I found some pics of him wearing make up. I also found out that the other close friend of his who lives out of state that he talks on the phone for hours is the guy that he is inlove with. I found some emails containing "f.... u later, i miss u and i love u.." Very disturbing! He never say "I love you" to me and he's not very affectionate when he writes an email except for take care or muah muah but he's saying it to the other guy. He wants to have anal with me and we tried but I cant handle it so he stopped. I think he's bi because he can get it up with me except for some days when he met with his guy friend that he cant get it up and his d.... just die while we're doing it. I know that he's fu...... his male friends although i havent caught them in the act. I love him so much and I want to be just his friend for now but I dont know how I can have sex with him again. I have no problem with bi, gay or lesbians, I think they are expressing their sexuality the way they want it and just being true to themselves. All I want right now is just a little honesty from him. I dont want to embarrassed him. I will not judge him for his actions or for whoever he is. It's just that he's being hypocrite about it saying that he hates gay people because the way they act is not normal..having sex with the same sex...might be just a cover up after all...

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A male reader, Jeff8 Italy +, writes (21 June 2010):

You may be seeing things more clearly than he is: it can be pretty dark way back in the closet. Lots of gay men have their first sexual experiences with women and figure that's what sex is all about. When you're a young guy you are in a constant state of arousal and a woman's mouth etc can get you hot. I had sex with my girlfriend once a day--on the floor, over the kitchen table, you name it--and thought it was just great. Until I found myself in bed with a man for the first time and discovered just how incredible sex could be. When I told my girlfriend I had fallen in love with a man she refused to believe me..we had been having good sex for two years. But however much I hurt her it was better that way than living a lie.

Give him time to find his way but in the meantime start looking for your own way, too.

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A male reader, lookatmenow Canada +, writes (20 June 2010):

Check these indicators

http://socyberty.com/gay-lesbians/top-10-indicators-hes-gay/

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009):

I had a similar problem with my boyfriend. He's always been very camp, sensitive, etc and when I first met him I thought staightaway that I knew he was gay but a week later I was going out with him. I was worried because all the things that made him seem gay were the things that I loved about him; his sense of humour, etc. So I confronted him and asked him trying to make out like I was joking but he got really upset, not angry upset, but he seemed really insecure for ages later and although I tried to make it up with him it was weeks later before he was finally over what I said. So I would suggest that you trust him to know himself. Also if you think he's gay now others probably have in the past so he could be very sensitive about that topic.

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A male reader, yodastud Canada +, writes (5 July 2009):

Hello - I'm a gay man with a little experience under my belt with bi men, so here's a few pointers:

- A man who has sex with men is not necessarily gay.

- Being clean does not make you gay. My brother, who is straight as an arrow, is a much better housekeeper than I am.

- I went to an Elton John concert last year - most of the poeple in the audience were middle-aged straight couples enjoying themselves bc they fell in love to "Daniel" and "Your Song" in the 70's - c'mon, Elton John made great music, hasn't anything to do with being gay to like him! Jimmy Buffett screams "heterosexual" to me - but I like some of his songs.

- There is a TON of grey area in sexuality.

- I have to say I have been shocked/surprised more times than I can count in my life by the most masculine "straight men" coming onto to me. It doesn't mean they are gay or heading that way. Personally, I think "bi" men may sleep with both sexes, but likely will only fall in love with one sex or the other, not both.

- I'm currently seeing a guy who is bi, and his girlfriend knows. She even asked him if I was his boyfriend - he didn't deny it. She "freaked out" about a year ago when they were at a club, got quite drunk, and found him making out with his best friend in the men's washroom. I guess she has adjusted - I don't expect him to leave her for me wouldn't want it actually. She tells me she is glad I'm his friend bc she trusts me, and is glad he has me to lean on - this is part of who is he, and she can't fulfill it. I don't feel like he's cheating - although technically he is - but being with a man and being with a woman is a very different thing. She'd rather he was with me for that part of it than going out and seeing guys anonymously - which is much riskier health-wise.

- You have to do what's right for you - if you two can be totally honest with each other about what you mean to each other and go from there, things can work out.

- A lot of straight guys I know like anal sex bc it's a tighter feeling, that's all. Most straight and bi men I know fantasize all the time about women's derrieres - they just love them. Don't do a thing for me!

And again, trust me, the most masculine. muscular, totally hot, totally straight-appearring guy without a single "gay tendancy" can be bi. The last 3 guys I've dated were all construction workers - and the one before that was a fireman.

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A male reader, yodastud Canada +, writes (5 July 2009):

Hello - I'm a gay man with a little experience under my belt with bi men, so here's a few pointers:

- A man who has sex with men is not necessarily gay.

- Being clean does not make you gay. My brother, who is straight as an arrow, is a much better housekeeper than I am.

- I went to an Elton John concert last year - most of the poeple in the audience were middle-aged straight couples enjoying themselves bc they fell in love to "Daniel" and "Your Song" in the 70's - c'mon, Elton John made great music, hasn't anything to do with being gay to like him! Jimmy Buffett screams "heterosexual" to me - but I like some of his songs.

- There is a TON of grey area in sexuality.

- I have to say I have been shocked/surprised more times than I can count in my life by the most masculine "straight men" coming onto to me. It doesn't mean they are gay or heading that way. Personally, I think "bi" men may sleep with both sexes, but likely will only fall in love with one sex or the other, not both.

- I'm currently seeing a guy who is bi, and his girlfriend knows. She even asked him if I was his boyfriend - he didn't deny it. She "freaked out" about a year ago when they were at a club, got quite drunk, and found him making out with his best friend in the men's washroom. I guess she has adjusted - I don't expect him to leave her for me wouldn't want it actually. She tells me she is glad I'm his friend bc she trusts me, and is glad he has me to lean on - this is part of who is he, and she can't fulfill it. I don't feel like he's cheating - although technically he is - but being with a man and being with a woman is a very different thing. She'd rather he was with me for that part of it than going out and seeing guys anonymously - which is much riskier health-wise.

- You have to do what's right for you - if you two can be totally honest with each other about what you mean to each other and go from there, things can work out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009):

Asking if he's gay is the WORST thing you or anybody can do to anyone. It's the best way to make someone feel INSECURE with themselves. So he likes clean living,... You're not as clean as the next person, does that make you a lesbian? It doesn't surprise me that he pushed you away. I mean look how insecure you made him feel...

If you are going to take some advice from anyone on here who would you rather take it from, a female or a male who actually knows what its like to BE A GUY... I know I'm a female as well but i understand men more than i understand 99% of the women in the world... It does seem like I'm picking on you but it annoys me how oblivious some people are of how things really are in the world...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009):

First off, I'm bisexual. I don't get into oral sex whether you're a man or a woman. It's a cleanliness issue for me and it could be as well for your boyfriend. Putting your mouth in or on something that someone else does their business out of seems a little risky. Your boyfriend may feel the same. The anal sex issue may be that he receives more pleasure from one hole over the other. As far as him wigging out about your confrontation with him...I believe that everyone has the capacity to be attracted to men and women but it just has to be the right man or woman for some people and for others it could be anyone. He may have felt sexually attracted to a man at some point in his life that has made him insecure about his 'true' sexual orientation. It doesn't help his insecurity when the closest person in his life is confronting him about his sexual orientation. If you believe he's gay then he's thinking that he must be kinda gay because if anyone could give him a second opinion about whether he seems gay then that would be you. I commend you on turning your mostly straight boyfriend into an insecure and potentially forced gay man. Welcome to the club.

I was in a relationship with a girl that I caught kissing another girl at a party. As far as I know, she was only attracted to that girl. Later, my girlfriend moved in with a coworker and I talked with her coworker about how my girlfriend wasn't sure of her orientation. My girlfriend found out about it and she dumped me and started sleeping with her roommate. Now my girlfriend is married to a man and is doing well in a heterosexual marriage. The point is...messing with non-realities can make them a reality even though it may be a forced reality out of duress and you stand the chance of losing the one you love as I did.

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A female reader, Kathryn_us United States +, writes (5 October 2008):

My boyfriend of four years came out of the closet few years ago and today we are very good friends. I had no idea he could be gay and my love for him grew stronger every day. Today I can't imagine my life without him.

I can't answer your question but if he opens up to you and admit you were right instead of a boyfriend you might gain a best friend ever!

Kathryn

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008):

I'm questioning if my new boyfriend is gay too. How was the sex life / making out sessions while dating a gay guy? My boyfriend never seems to be physically attracted to me, when we make out, he kissed me for literally 2 to 4 seconds then turns his head away, we've been going out for 3 weeks (officially dating) sex happened once and only, I had to initiate it by touching him there, nothing else really got him hard. However, he is really committed and a perfect gentleman, probably everything else I'd want in a boyfriend.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008):

No he isn't gay and you definitely should not ask his friend. That would just humiliate him and cause future problems. Just sounds like you are insecure.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008):

I work in a gay bar...and am straight...if you think..or feel your boyfriend is gay...he probably is..there is no "light"...there are as many different types of homosexuals...as colours...in your heart you know...you can't do anything tho...cos to tell him..will make him aware...and shy away...but he still needs you....but you should start to think of him as a friend...and not a life partner

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008):

I am a gay man and I don't think he sounds gay.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008):

Are you serious!? Do you know how many straight couples have anal sex on a regular basis? Around 10% in the UK according to recent research.

Truth is men are more diverse in real life than they are on TV or in the movies. Not all straight guys enjoy giving oral sex, and some are not that fussed about breasts. Gay men don't have a monopoly on looking good or tidying up. In fact some gay men don't have a clue about fashion and some live in pigsty's. Your view on men in general is pretty narrow.

Many straight men (but not all) feel insecure about appearing gay. I don't personally care less, but if I was a woman in a relationship with a straight man I think I would. I'm certain you wouldn't feel secure if your boyfriend kept asking you whether you're a lesbian (after all, even he can iron better than you...) I'm sure it would raise doubts in your mind after a while.

I hope you manage to find the man of your dreams. Although I'd say that you might not have lost the last one if your dreams weren't so out of touch with reality...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008):

I'm a straight guy in a relationship right now and I can tell you we don't all follow the basic stereotypical "male persona". I've made out with straight friends and masturbated infront of them, but I don't consider myself homosexual because when I'm doing stuff like that I'm thinking about girls or my gf. It's a sense of what we guys say "getting off". It has nothing to do with feelings or secrets desires, it basically comes down to our level of lust for attention or sexual pleasure. As for his tendencies, many men struggle with living up to traditional patterns men are supposed to follow, most of us see it as a burden and feel more comfortable doing manageable things. Looking good never hurt anyone and cleaning is healthy living. It's more of a logical thing than a fashionable thing. If your boyfriend's mood swings then you need to realize that the problem may be something other than sexuality. But one thing I'm certain about, if you guys are having problems, questioning his sexuality will make them worse and you might end up single. Despite what all men say, even if they are gay, if you question their sexuality, they take it harshly. Hope I was helpful and good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007):

Don't go against your gut. I have been fighting my suspicions for about a year and just found gay porn/chatrooms that he has been a member of while we lived together and were about to be engaged. He quit wanting to have sex & would stay up late on the computer while I waited in bed for him. When we did have sex, he always showered afterwards. He loved oral sex, however, but he was very very interested in having anal sex and always pushed it. Be careful. If he is cheating on you andhaving unprotected sex you are at risk. Follow your gut instinct. The day I met my ex I thought he was gay but he charmed me into falling in love with him. I shudder at the thought of me being married to him with a few children and then learning of his true sexual orientation. You deserve more!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007):

I too have wondered about my boyfriend, for alot of the same reasons you have. But we are 20 years older then you and have been dating for three years. Back 20 years ago there was alot of fear about comming out of the closet, and even if my boyfriend is gay, he is with me. He loves anal sex more then anything, he can never find my other hole, probably because he hasn't much experience from that end, I can't get him to go down on me, but he wants me to go down on him all the time, he never touches me between my legs, he hates tounge when we kiss, and he is constantly making excuses to spend time with his boyfriend, other wise he spends most of his time isolated and alone, except the mega time that he spends with his mother. I don't doubt that he is gay, but I can't prove it and he's the kind of guy that would never come out of the closet. So the real question here is, how do I continue to love someone who obveously loves me, but is not faithful. would it be any different if he was unfaithful to me with another woman, no not really, unfaithful, is infaithful, I put up with it, I don't like it, I wish he would be honest with me, but he won't and I love him for all his other great qualities, and even though the sex isn't the way I'm used to, it's great and he totally turns me on. Besides I completely understand, if things were different and i wasn't a mother of children, I'd consider a relationship with another woman, If I wasn't so concerned with society, and religion and isolation, I could be gay, but I'd never cheat on my boyfriend while we are in a relationship, and that is the part that I don't like, we have sex about twice a year. No guy can go that long with out sex, he has got to be getting it somewhere else, probably from that guy he calls his boyfriend. but he say's he's not gay. I don't believe him and for good reason, when he looks at his boyfriend I can see the sparkle in his eye, the lust inbetween the body language, the things they do together like go shopping, come-on, straight men don't shop together. Or do they? Good luck, your gonna need it, if you choose to stay with this man who you think is gay, because the truth is if he's with you honey, you must do something for him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007):

ha ha ha.!! weak wrist and sway in hips!! gawd... dear don't belive in that... simplest way of "identifying" a gay man is taking him to a hot and happening place, and just follow his glances, you'll know what his orientation is. and secondly bout your guy.. he's said that he's not gay right?? then lets believe him and just give him some time ..it shall be all right .. if he's gay.. dump him , if he's not.. then he's your's .. so don't worry.. just be happy:-)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007):

I think your boyfriends is curious and may be confused. was he brought up by mostly women or a nice balance, maybe his mother and sisters cleaned and he just picked it up be brought up in a clean environment. i dont think this is OCD as he would be doing it a lot more i know i used to have it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007):

I'm sorry you have to worry about this. I am a gay man who was once married. I married my college sweetheart of 10 years, and no doubt loved her deeply. I didn't know I was a gay for many years. The tendencies you mention -- fashion concerns, domestic know-how, etc. -- can be misleading. They are stereotypical and in this increasingly accepting world, men are increasingly able to be who they are (and women, too) even if who they are is a straight man that really likes clothes :-)

At the same time, I had those same tendencies, and a similar experience in a cab on a ride home from a bar with my wife as the one you describe.

My experience says this: my wife knew I was gay before I did. Chances are, I think, that you know your boyfriend is gay before he does. You wouldn't wonder at all if he weren't.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Not all people fall on one extreme of the sexuality scale. Most people fall somehwere between hetero and homo sexual. It's possible your boyfriend has an attraction to (some) men -- or at least a curiosity -- AND that you and he will be more than able to have a fulfilling relationship.

Best of luck :-)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007):

Looking at your 'tendencies' some seem valid concerns others just seem normal. The cleaning factor can be seen as non-traditional male behavior but we live in a new age now so I wouldn't concern yourself with that. I agree vervada gay men/women come in all shapes and sizes, but there are definently tell-tale signs about behavior. If he has a very light voice with a lisp and a weak wrist with a sway in the hips that can say a lot but if he had just one of these and didn't have all of them then it could be difficult.

If you really want to know and not afraid of a little shady behavior, try to gauge him by saying in a positive playful manner that you may have thought about kissing a girl way in the past and wonder if the thought may have crossed his mind (perhaps that two guys kissing turns you on). Notice his reaction, depending on that poke around a bit more. I mean, if he is already down with anal then it doesn't seem like he is trapped in some traditional hetero-alpha-male state of mind.

Just a suggestion. If you say it is really bad and things are starting to end because of some mysterious acts on his part then better now then never, or you might always wonder in the back of your mind OR worse think it is something you did, thus haunting you in further relationships with men.

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A male reader, Jubbaloo United Kingdom +, writes (11 June 2007):

Jubbaloo agony auntI'm bi, and yes i like elton john. But you have to remember he is with YOU, not a guy. The kissing thing is very much fashionable at the moment.

Dont worry to much.

Smile

Hope this helps

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A male reader, lboy United Kingdom +, writes (5 June 2007):

lboy agony auntdear reader,

i don't really think that you should be too worried about the like candyOOs said he might just have a small case of OCD9 obsessive compullsve disorder) and as for the makeing out with his friend alot of straight men may actually start to make out with their friends when they are drunk it is sometimes just their way of reassuring themselves that they are straight or that they may be curious. you really dont need to worry if your BF is curious(which i like is the only possibility apart from him being straight) as he obviously chooses to be with you and doesn't wanna leave you or he would have by now. i hope this helps just talk to him and get to the bottom of it.

good luck

lboy

xxx

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A female reader, vervada123 United Kingdom +, writes (4 June 2007):

vervada123 agony auntI don't know whether he's gay, but I would like to point out that gay people are never like you think, so it's hard to recognize them. I should know, my uncle is gay.

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A female reader, candy00s United Kingdom +, writes (4 June 2007):

candy00s agony auntit sounds to me like your boyfriend is curious, whether or not he has acted on this curiousity is something else.

The cleaning side of things could be a compulsive obcessive disorder if he is cleaning a lot.

I think you need to ask his friend (the one he said he made out with), try and get some answers. He isnt being fair on you by acting like this.

xxx

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