A
female
age
26-29,
cnfsdnluv
writes:Is my boyfriend gay? I have questioned my boyfriend's sexuality a bit in our relationship. He is not exactly metrosexual, but he has some interesting tendancies. He is always concerned about his appearance, although he doesn't know the difference between designer jeans and jeans from target. He is a bit obsessed with cleaning and cleanliness. He irons better than I do, he vacuums and does the laundry better than I do, and he even SCRUBS the carpet unlike myself who usually just runs a vacuum through it from time to time. He's not at all good at cooking, though. He listens to an interesting array of music - ranging from a TON of Jimmy Buffett to Alanis Morrisette, Elton John, Carrie Underwood and lots of Frank Sinatra and the like. And, not to get too personal or graphic, but he enjoys sex, but it seems like he never takes my shirt off during sex, he often asks for anal sex, and he doesn't like to go down on me. I, personally, think his dad is gay, so I've confronted my boyfriend about his sexuality. He didn't take it too badly, just said he wasn't. Then, he went out one night with his best friend and got wasted. I had to pick him up from the bar and on the way home he was telling me all about their night. He also said that he and his best friend made out - and then took it back. (I really dont' think they did make out as his best friend is married and doesn't seem to have ANY gay tendencies). However, I think he might have a crush on his best friend and I think he might have been trying to tell me that he is confused. Needless to say, our relationship has gone from great, to good, to worse, to ended at this point. But, I'm not entirely sure why it's over. I think he, actually, pushed me away and I know all of his past relationships were broken off by the girls - not him. So...is my boyfriend gay?
View related questions:
anal sex, best friend, crush Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): I'm questioning if my new boyfriend is gay too. How was the sex life / making out sessions while dating a gay guy? My boyfriend never seems to be physically attracted to me, when we make out, he kissed me for literally 2 to 4 seconds then turns his head away, we've been going out for 3 weeks (officially dating) sex happened once and only, I had to initiate it by touching him there, nothing else really got him hard. However, he is really committed and a perfect gentleman, probably everything else I'd want in a boyfriend.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): No he isn't gay and you definitely should not ask his friend. That would just humiliate him and cause future problems. Just sounds like you are insecure.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): I work in a gay bar...and am straight...if you think..or feel your boyfriend is gay...he probably is..there is no "light"...there are as many different types of homosexuals...as colours...in your heart you know...you can't do anything tho...cos to tell him..will make him aware...and shy away...but he still needs you....but you should start to think of him as a friend...and not a life partner
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): I am a gay man and I don't think he sounds gay.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): Are you serious!? Do you know how many straight couples have anal sex on a regular basis? Around 10% in the UK according to recent research.Truth is men are more diverse in real life than they are on TV or in the movies. Not all straight guys enjoy giving oral sex, and some are not that fussed about breasts. Gay men don't have a monopoly on looking good or tidying up. In fact some gay men don't have a clue about fashion and some live in pigsty's. Your view on men in general is pretty narrow.Many straight men (but not all) feel insecure about appearing gay. I don't personally care less, but if I was a woman in a relationship with a straight man I think I would. I'm certain you wouldn't feel secure if your boyfriend kept asking you whether you're a lesbian (after all, even he can iron better than you...) I'm sure it would raise doubts in your mind after a while.I hope you manage to find the man of your dreams. Although I'd say that you might not have lost the last one if your dreams weren't so out of touch with reality...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): I'm a straight guy in a relationship right now and I can tell you we don't all follow the basic stereotypical "male persona". I've made out with straight friends and masturbated infront of them, but I don't consider myself homosexual because when I'm doing stuff like that I'm thinking about girls or my gf. It's a sense of what we guys say "getting off". It has nothing to do with feelings or secrets desires, it basically comes down to our level of lust for attention or sexual pleasure. As for his tendencies, many men struggle with living up to traditional patterns men are supposed to follow, most of us see it as a burden and feel more comfortable doing manageable things. Looking good never hurt anyone and cleaning is healthy living. It's more of a logical thing than a fashionable thing. If your boyfriend's mood swings then you need to realize that the problem may be something other than sexuality. But one thing I'm certain about, if you guys are having problems, questioning his sexuality will make them worse and you might end up single. Despite what all men say, even if they are gay, if you question their sexuality, they take it harshly. Hope I was helpful and good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): Don't go against your gut. I have been fighting my suspicions for about a year and just found gay porn/chatrooms that he has been a member of while we lived together and were about to be engaged. He quit wanting to have sex & would stay up late on the computer while I waited in bed for him. When we did have sex, he always showered afterwards. He loved oral sex, however, but he was very very interested in having anal sex and always pushed it. Be careful. If he is cheating on you andhaving unprotected sex you are at risk. Follow your gut instinct. The day I met my ex I thought he was gay but he charmed me into falling in love with him. I shudder at the thought of me being married to him with a few children and then learning of his true sexual orientation. You deserve more!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): I too have wondered about my boyfriend, for alot of the same reasons you have. But we are 20 years older then you and have been dating for three years. Back 20 years ago there was alot of fear about comming out of the closet, and even if my boyfriend is gay, he is with me. He loves anal sex more then anything, he can never find my other hole, probably because he hasn't much experience from that end, I can't get him to go down on me, but he wants me to go down on him all the time, he never touches me between my legs, he hates tounge when we kiss, and he is constantly making excuses to spend time with his boyfriend, other wise he spends most of his time isolated and alone, except the mega time that he spends with his mother. I don't doubt that he is gay, but I can't prove it and he's the kind of guy that would never come out of the closet. So the real question here is, how do I continue to love someone who obveously loves me, but is not faithful. would it be any different if he was unfaithful to me with another woman, no not really, unfaithful, is infaithful, I put up with it, I don't like it, I wish he would be honest with me, but he won't and I love him for all his other great qualities, and even though the sex isn't the way I'm used to, it's great and he totally turns me on. Besides I completely understand, if things were different and i wasn't a mother of children, I'd consider a relationship with another woman, If I wasn't so concerned with society, and religion and isolation, I could be gay, but I'd never cheat on my boyfriend while we are in a relationship, and that is the part that I don't like, we have sex about twice a year. No guy can go that long with out sex, he has got to be getting it somewhere else, probably from that guy he calls his boyfriend. but he say's he's not gay. I don't believe him and for good reason, when he looks at his boyfriend I can see the sparkle in his eye, the lust inbetween the body language, the things they do together like go shopping, come-on, straight men don't shop together. Or do they? Good luck, your gonna need it, if you choose to stay with this man who you think is gay, because the truth is if he's with you honey, you must do something for him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): ha ha ha.!! weak wrist and sway in hips!! gawd... dear don't belive in that... simplest way of "identifying" a gay man is taking him to a hot and happening place, and just follow his glances, you'll know what his orientation is. and secondly bout your guy.. he's said that he's not gay right?? then lets believe him and just give him some time ..it shall be all right .. if he's gay.. dump him , if he's not.. then he's your's .. so don't worry.. just be happy:-)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): I think your boyfriends is curious and may be confused. was he brought up by mostly women or a nice balance, maybe his mother and sisters cleaned and he just picked it up be brought up in a clean environment. i dont think this is OCD as he would be doing it a lot more i know i used to have it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): I'm sorry you have to worry about this. I am a gay man who was once married. I married my college sweetheart of 10 years, and no doubt loved her deeply. I didn't know I was a gay for many years. The tendencies you mention -- fashion concerns, domestic know-how, etc. -- can be misleading. They are stereotypical and in this increasingly accepting world, men are increasingly able to be who they are (and women, too) even if who they are is a straight man that really likes clothes :-)At the same time, I had those same tendencies, and a similar experience in a cab on a ride home from a bar with my wife as the one you describe.My experience says this: my wife knew I was gay before I did. Chances are, I think, that you know your boyfriend is gay before he does. You wouldn't wonder at all if he weren't.IMPORTANT NOTE: Not all people fall on one extreme of the sexuality scale. Most people fall somehwere between hetero and homo sexual. It's possible your boyfriend has an attraction to (some) men -- or at least a curiosity -- AND that you and he will be more than able to have a fulfilling relationship. Best of luck :-)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Looking at your 'tendencies' some seem valid concerns others just seem normal. The cleaning factor can be seen as non-traditional male behavior but we live in a new age now so I wouldn't concern yourself with that. I agree vervada gay men/women come in all shapes and sizes, but there are definently tell-tale signs about behavior. If he has a very light voice with a lisp and a weak wrist with a sway in the hips that can say a lot but if he had just one of these and didn't have all of them then it could be difficult.
If you really want to know and not afraid of a little shady behavior, try to gauge him by saying in a positive playful manner that you may have thought about kissing a girl way in the past and wonder if the thought may have crossed his mind (perhaps that two guys kissing turns you on). Notice his reaction, depending on that poke around a bit more. I mean, if he is already down with anal then it doesn't seem like he is trapped in some traditional hetero-alpha-male state of mind.
Just a suggestion. If you say it is really bad and things are starting to end because of some mysterious acts on his part then better now then never, or you might always wonder in the back of your mind OR worse think it is something you did, thus haunting you in further relationships with men.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jubbaloo  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 I'm bi, and yes i like elton john. But you have to remember he is with YOU, not a guy. The kissing thing is very much fashionable at the moment.
Dont worry to much.
Smile
Hope this helps
...............................
A
male
reader, lboy +, writes (5 June 2007):
 dear reader,
i don't really think that you should be too worried about the like candyOOs said he might just have a small case of OCD9 obsessive compullsve disorder) and as for the makeing out with his friend alot of straight men may actually start to make out with their friends when they are drunk it is sometimes just their way of reassuring themselves that they are straight or that they may be curious. you really dont need to worry if your BF is curious(which i like is the only possibility apart from him being straight) as he obviously chooses to be with you and doesn't wanna leave you or he would have by now. i hope this helps just talk to him and get to the bottom of it.
good luck
lboy
xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, vervada123 +, writes (4 June 2007):
 I don't know whether he's gay, but I would like to point out that gay people are never like you think, so it's hard to recognize them. I should know, my uncle is gay.
...............................
A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (4 June 2007):
 it sounds to me like your boyfriend is curious, whether or not he has acted on this curiousity is something else.
The cleaning side of things could be a compulsive obcessive disorder if he is cleaning a lot.
I think you need to ask his friend (the one he said he made out with), try and get some answers. He isnt being fair on you by acting like this.
xxx
...............................
|
