A
female
age
36-40,
*oloko
writes:Is my boyfriend gay or just uninterested in me!!I live with my boyfriend of 2 years and i know quite a lot about his past he has been with a guy before and gave him a blow job he had split from his ex who he moved to england with and said he was so lonely and down when this happened...then he met me a year later all was great at the beginning but recently i have started to wonder if he is bisexual and depressed about it or he just isnt that into me anymore we have sex once maybe twice a week and he doesnt kiss me any more just a peck and no tongues when I ask he says he just doesnt like it also he suddenly dosent like oral sex it just feels like an act instead of loving he is best friends with a gay couple and they are really touchy feely with each other and very playful to the point where his boyfriend feels uncomfortable....im just upset and depressed i dont know what is going on with him if he is gay or just metrosexual or just uninterested when I try to speak with him he gets angry and says its nothing he says he loves me but why doesnt he like the personal part of sex kissing oral ect I feel like he is using me as a cover up he is from france and talks about missing home and his male friends because he hasnt met many in england there is just so many strange things that dont make sense he always says if a guy is attractive on tv and is very well groomed...he gets depressed a lot and doesnt speak and that fustrates me when I ask him whats wrong he says its not you then what is it then? I know he misses home and I have said go back to france if that going to make you happy I just want to feel loved and wanted i dont understand why I get such mixed messages from him he is very affectionate and always cuddles me and touches me he always holds my hand in the street and shows affection but not in the bedroom im trying to just carry on and block all this out but i dont feel my self anymore and feel depressed and in the dark please help what is going on????????
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best friend, blow-job, depressed, his ex, kissing, mixed messages, oral sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, monsieurlepoof  +, writes (20 October 2007):
 I don't think he is in denial, maybe you are. He is a pussy and maybe he is gay. Maybe he is not so sure about himself as some here suggest and fears rejection if he talks to you about it. Isn't that what some of the other readers insist? Maybe he only wants the risk of having a child if he can really be there for you both. Why don't you talk with him in stead of questioning him? It might help.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 I'm with SadieBea and the two anonymous posters. He's gay, he's using you for cover, he doesn't really want a relationship with you, and it would be best for you if you broke up and moved on.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Well you could almost put down his previous experience to youth experimentation etc. The drummer in my band years ago admitted to giving a guy a blowjob just for the hell of it. He wasnt gay. He just wanted to try it out. Yuck. But hey, different strokes for different folks I say.
However, your situation is entirely different , the touchy feely stuff with the gay couple ? and one of them feeling uncomfortable? boy if this is not gay behaviour I dont know what is. He obviously fancies one of them.
You need to end this now, this man is using you as a prop to convince himself that he is straight. What does that say about you as a person? That you are not worthy of a loving relationship? That's the way it appears to me, gay deniers are incredibly selfish people who only think about how society views them.
For your own sanity you need to give this man his marching orders and find yourself someone who is interested in girls. It's as simple as that.
Good luck and sorry for the bad news. All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): I'm sorry to have to spell it out, but he is almsot certainly gay. When you have ended the relationship, and moved on in your life, you will look back and think 'how could I not have known'. The answer is that when we are very close to something, it is really difficult to see clearly what is going on. You are living in soem kind of denial. He is best friends with a gay couple, fair enough, but touchy feely with them to the point of embarrassment for everyone else? You must be the msot lenient person in the world to stand and watch him behaving with such disregard for your feelings. Even if he is hiding his feelings, which is pretty obvious, then he should still have the decency to not flirt with other men in front of you until he has resolved his own issues. Also, he has been with a man before, and given him oral sex. You don't do that if you're ocnfused or down, you do it because you are gay. We're not talking about a drunken fumble in the dark here, we're talking about him sucking on another man's penis! You are in complete denial and will only cause yourself more and more pain the longer you are with this, extremely selfish, man. You are becoming more depressed the longer you are with him, you are not getting any sexual or emotional needs met, therefore there is no reason for you to continue being with him. Best of luck, you really need to trust your instincts, this is why we have them (and if we all did that, the world would be a much happier place) XX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): He is gay, and using you as a cover up. Straight men are not usually friends with gay couples. I saw this documentary where a gay man was living as a straight man, he was married to a woman and has children. He had these gay friends who were a couple. He would go hang out with them and they would actually be having sex..secretly. I also think he is so depressed because he cannot be who he is inside. And he has to put on this front to the outside world that he is straight, hence the affection in public but not in the bedroom with you. He wants to be straight, he really does..but if he doesn't come out he will never be happy. You need to be careful if you're having un protected sex with him. He could be living a double life out there, having sex with men then coming home to you & having sex with you those couple times a week. Honestly I think you need to break up with him. Even if he is not gay, there is some other depression issue & you don't need that stress all the time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): To me, and 99% of my friends are gay, I would say he is surely without a doubt gay, and you are probably right to call yourself his coverup. Many French see nothing wrong with being homosexual, it is Americans who frown upon it. But I don't know not one man who does not like sex, especially with women, unless they are GAY... Get it now. You are in denial because you are in love and don't want to miss what he gives you, he is in denial maybe because well only he knows why. But from my own experience I have recently broken up with my ex BF, and my gay girlfriend, best friend, wanted to have sex with me, we watched a prono, I was horney, ect... But I like men, so she did nothing for me. Lonely, depressed, and I was both and more. But I wanted a man holding me, not a female, I hope you get my drift, understand my logic. Take care, and if you do decide to stay please be careful as to HIV, AIDS, and others STD's don't care if you are in love they spread anyway.
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