A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:im a 16 year old girl and im in a realtionship with a 33 year old man we have been together 3 months, we have fallen in love, and he wants to move away in a few months once our relationship is stronger than it is now.people around our area wont understand how we feel i wanna move with him because i love him so deeply but he is very insecure because he thinks im going to find someone else younger i dont want anyone else... hes everything i have ever wanted in a man i dont wanna lose him but its a choice between him or my family... my family aint very responsible or supportive, he is one of the only person in my life that cares about me.please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): He'a pervert and you don't need to be with him...He is way too old for you. He could technically be your father. He can't be much of a "man" if it takes a "child" (which you still are) to make him emotionally and physically happy. Don't throw away your whole life on a man that I guarantee you will throw you away as soon as you are "too old"
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): girl listen to me im 19 my boyfriend who is now my babyfather is about to be 31 we are madly in love and when we first meet everyone was against us being together but it was something like love at first sitght so was wast letting nothing stop us from being together and once everyone saw that they had no chose but to accept are relationship now we have a beautiful baby boy and hes the best thing that ever happened to us.
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female
reader, TalkingHelps +, writes (17 August 2008):
 Yes i think he is way too old for you !
and the way he's worried you'll get with a younger guy sounds like he's scarily paranoid. Watch out
XxXx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): You are 16... people will bitch and complain all they want.
But in the end they can't do anything about it because at 16 you can legally go out and date and screw whoever you want, whenever you want regardless of how much older they are.
And to those saying a 30 year old man would not find a 16 year old attractive unless something was wrong... have you seen the 16 year olds that are around these days?
Point in fact, watch the first episode of CALIFORNICATION. See how and why Hank beds a 16 year old girl. She's hot. He knows it. And he backs off when he find her age because of two things... the age of consent is 18 and she is the daughter of his ex-wife's new fiance.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): When you're 33 years old, you'll look at other 33yo guys dating 16yo girls and you'll think they should be in jail for it.
You won't like hearing this but it's the truth.
Women are the most hypocritical creatures on earth about age-difference relationships. They ALL want to dish it out when they're young, but they can NEVER take their own advice once they start getting older and the same viewpoint starts to cost them something. (Suddenly the 16yo girls become "little whores" and the 33yo men become "immature sleazbags.")
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Raw age is a poor excuse not to puruse a relationship, and applying generalizations to a person due to his or her age without taking the time to find out whether they are true is a tragedy. If your family is adamant in continuing in their ignorance, then your decision is clear. Can you live with your family's rejection of your lover (and possibly you) or not?The only thing that concerns me here is his stated intent to take you away from your familiar surroundings. I'd try to avoid that, since it is a tell-tale sign of a predator.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Legally the police's hands are tied... as 16 is the age of consent in the United Kingdom and the Republic of Ireland.
If they are well-suited, it is nobody's business but theirs.
Since they're both at the legal age, no-one is going to complain - and not all older men are controlling (a cliched stereotype).
If this man treats her well, is kind and caring, and takes her needs into account as well as his own, then there's nothing wrong with it.
AP
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A
female
reader, Fade878  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 this age gap has been proven to have abusive dynamics as well as a higher percentage of violence/murder should the relationship end.
You are just reaching your prime reproductive years and the chances that said Man would find another young, attractive partner are next to nil.
He will be mate guarding, meaning he will most likely move you away from your family, friends, support system, so you rely more on him. He will limit contact with the opposite sex, he will not take you out to events where other younger men will be.
He may even begin to attack your looks and with it, self esteem.
All a woman has is self esteem, and once a trusted man begins to erode away her self esteem, he is better able to control her. He will make her believe no one else will love her, want her.
Watch for these signs.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Sorry to say this hun, but your boyfriend sounds like a cunning and manipulative jerk. He is trying everything in his power to weedle you away from your family and friends. People that matter to you most, you are far too young and immature to handle a relationship to a guy who is twice your age. I mean what does a man of 33 have want and have in common with a girl NOT WOMAN, but a girl of 16?
He is acting on you being a young, impressionable and naive young girl, for God sake you have only been with him 3 months and already you want to set up a home with him.
You should be dating boys your own age and let this pervy creep go, you are far too good for the likes of him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Hun he's using you for sex. You MUST report him to the police.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  + ♥, writes (14 August 2008):
 while i think that age never matters in relationships, i really dont agree with how fast you are moving here. you have only been with this guy for 3 months, slow down! you are already talking of moving in with him, there is only so much you can know about a person in 3 months. second of all, you are only 16 so i dont know how you can say that he is everything you ever wanted in a man.....very young to be presuming this.
also, do you think that maybe you feel so strongly for him because he is an older figure that maybe is giving you support that your family cant? almost a father figure? you may have turned to him because he has the maturity and support that your family should have but dont.
i think that you should slow down and give yourself a chance to breathe here. at 16 you may think you know wat you want for the rest of your life but im afraid that is rarely the case.
it also should not be a choice between him or your family - has he ever tried to make an effort with this issue?
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Ordinarily I wouldn't judge an age-gap relationship as I am a decade older than my husband. The fact with us is that we were both adults when we met with him being in his 20's and me in my 30's and we had both had other relationships and life experiences before we got married. My concern with you isn't the age-gap per se but everything else you say in your post. You are very young and vulnerable from what you say about your family. You maybe with this guy because he replaces something lacking in your family life...I don't mean a father figure as such, but someone emotionally supportive. That isn't always bad, but it doesn't sound like you have someone else good in your life to turn to. This means you could be very dependent on him and open to him controlling you. Moving away could add to this unfortunately as this could mean you feel very isolated in a new place with no-one to turn to if things get bad in this relationship.
In many ways this is an unequal relationship because I am supposing he is financially independent at 30-something and you are not. If the relationship goes bad then he has something to fall back on...money, career, possibly a home...what will you have?
If I was in your shoes I would be thinking about why this guy wants to be with you...sure it is nice to think an older man fancies you etc, but is there something lacking in his personality? You do say he feels insecure, and maybe that means he feels too insecure to have a relationship with a lady more of his own age. It is easy for a 33yr old to impress someone your age for example.
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female
reader, les  +, writes (14 August 2008):
First of all, until you've dated many men you don't know what you want in a man. You think you know what you want, but in a couple of years, after every relationship you'll refine the qualities, and they will be very different and much more specific than what you are looking for now. I can only try to guess what a girl your age would be looking for - does he bring you flowers? does he treat you like a princess and say nice things to you? does he make you feel special? Thats all very nice and is something that you should expect from a guy, but those are not the values to base a relationship on.Second of all, knowing someone for three months is NOT enough time to be in love with them. EVER. You might be very attracted to them, your heart flutters every time you think of him, but thats not love - thats infatuation. Its going to die down in six-nine months and then your eventually going to realize whether if everything you wanted in a guy, is really everything that you wanted in a guy. Third of all, I'd be very careful. I think alot of girls in general are easily manipulated, esp. when they feel a "connection" with a man, and no doubt that young girls your age who havent been through a lot of dating experience are even more easily manipulated. If after dating this guy for three months you feel like your family is irresponsible and he's the only person who cares about you and wants you to leave them - that is very manipulative. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you, but you don't want to have a life with a manipulative man, esp at your age, because it WILL damage you for future relationships. Think about how you feel this way...your family might really suck, but is it any of his business after only knowing you for three months? What does he say about them? Have your feeling towards your family gotten any worse since you met him? Does he make you feel like he's you're only hope? Is he giving you an ultimatum? Thats not love because someone who loves you should accept you for who you are and who your family is no matter how awful and retarded they are. Also, look at his previous relationship experience. Ask yourself, why isn't a 33 year old dating someone his own age? How many girlfriends has he had, how old where they, how long did the relationship last and why did they break up? What is his job - a 33 year old man should have an est and stable job? Where does he want to move to? And why? If you move with him, will he support you while you finish your education? Does he have the financial means to support you?I dont mean to be harsh, but you need put aside your "love" aspect for him and ask yourself these very serious questions, esp if you're even thinking about going anywhere with this guy and leaving your family. Please make sure that you're not being manipulated and taken for a ride..
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A
female
reader, Deema + ♥, writes (14 August 2008):
 P.S. It should never be a choice between him and your family either. Thats a massive alarm bell for me. He should be encouraging you and your family to fix things, not isolate you even more. I feel very concerned for you and the alarm bells are ringing for you too or you wouldn't be on here asking if it was a problem. You're a smart kid, listen to yourself if you don't want to listen to me. Hard lesson, but better you learn it now than when its too late.
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (14 August 2008):
 There are a couple of red flags here. The first is that you don't have a very supportive family and that this 33 year old man is one of the only people you have to support you. You are very young at 16, and he should be old enough and have enough character not to take advantage of you in this way when you are so vulnerable and feeling alone.
The second thing is that he is very insecure, so insecure that he wants to remove you from your family and as soon as possible telling you that people where you live won't accept your relationship. People are people everywhere, moving somewhere else will have no affect on how people accept the two of you.
He sounds controlling to me and he has you fooled. Any man of 33 who is attracted and wants a relationship with a 16 year old has some major issues. He may not be mature enough or financially solid enough to have a mature relationship with a woman who is his equal. You may be rather mature for your age, but I doubt you have the maturity of a full grown woman closer to his age. The age gap is large, and it wouldn't be so important if say you were 33 and he was 50, as you would be if you stayed together.....do you think you would want to be with a 50 year old when you are only 33? Aging actually accelerates with age, after 50 aging processes actuall speed up and the gap becomes even bigger....not that this is wrong, but it is what it is.
I would be very careful. You are too young to have the insight or the experience of knowing what love is. Three months is more about infatuation than love, throw sex into the mix and you are all but brainwashed and seeing what you want to see. At the very least give it many more months before you make any decisions about moving away with him. My guess is that this won't last, and for good reason...you don't know him well yet.
Take care and be safe....by the way in my country, you are considered under age and this 33 year old would be prosecuted for child molestation...just to make an impression on you how this is really kind of creepy on his part to be with you sexually....he lacks something very important, a responsibility to take the adult role and not take advantage of you in this way.
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A
female
reader, Deema + ♥, writes (14 August 2008):
Oh Lord I hear so many alarm bells going off here. STOP. WAIT. Whatever you do don't move away. Good family or not - you need them right now. You may be in love and his insecurity may appear to be quite sweet to you now, but my fear here is he is isolating you away from all the people you know, so he can keep you 'safe' - i.e. keep you locked away almost so his insecurities get fed. Its a well known thing people do in these situations, they manage to isolate people from all they are and all they have and know. That way you get to become dependent on him, then that makes him bigger than you, then you turn to him and hey presto - HE IS THEN IN CONTROL OF YOU AND YOUR LIFE. Trust me, don't do it. Find yourself a boyfriend who is happy for you to have a life, full of friends and family, who wants to join in with that, not isolate you from it. Please don't be fooled by him. You are very young and vulnerable. He knows exactly what he is doing. Don't get caught in the trap.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker + ♥, writes (14 August 2008):
 No, he's not necessarily too old for you - but relationships with an age-gap like that very rarely work for more than a short while.
The biggest problem is that at 16 you are relatively inexperienced and your emotions are still changing and developing. He's been through those changes in his late teens and twenties, but you have all of that to come. In ten years or so you'll be a very different person with different attitudes and different desires - but his attitudes and desires won't have changed nearly as much. It's not nearly so much of a problem if you settle with someone nearer your own age, because then he is developing and growing emotionally at the same time as you are. With the age gap like this, it's going to be very, very difficult for you both - much more so than if, for example, you were now 30 and he was 47.
I'm not going to tell you that you HAVE to find someone younger. But I am going to tell you that you have to consider seriously that however wonderful it feels right now it's not going to be so easy to keep the same feelings. Three months is not long in any relationship, and I really think you shouldn't make any major decisions (like moving away with him) as soon as this. How would it feel in a year or two if you had to come back and have your family and everyone else say "I told you so"?
Take it slowly, very slowly. If it's the sort of love that's going to last, then there's absolutely no rush at all.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH + ♥, writes (14 August 2008):
 Honey!
What do you know about 'everything you ever wanted in a man'. If you were a couple of years older it would be a different story, its not the age gap that bothers me, its the fact you are only 16 years old. Please think very carefully about what you are doing, because you could ruin your life. You may well think that your in love with this guy, but you are far to young to make such a rash Decision. Your parents would probably be horified, and it would really hurt them.
If this man really loved you, then he wouldnt pull you away from your family, cant you see that babe.
He is old enough to know better, you are not honey.
Please, please, dont run of with this guy. Think about it for a year, and if it still seems like a great idea, then who are we to stop you.
If you were my baby (and only 16 years old) and a man that age went after you, he wouldnt live to tell the tale.
Sorry babe its a really bad idea.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): i am 16 and i wouldnt think of dating a 33 year old. but its up to you. the reason i wouldnt is because he is a mature adult and you are only just leaving childhood. the maturity levels are too different. also i wouldnt recommend moving away from home. it could be a dangerous situation if you have known him for only 3 months.
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female
reader, Kinky Boots +, writes (14 August 2008):
 I have to say that age doesnt always matter, but, it you were my daughter i would kick his arse out of town. If you were over 20 then i wouldnt have a problem, but there is just something about 16 and 33, sorry, but not for me, it is up to you at the end of the day.
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