A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I live with my Mum and every now and again we have trivial arguments, which mainly arise when she talks about what life is actually all about and more importantly how I should be living it. She is fairly random and brings it up whenever she feels like to, plus it can last for hours and hours. However, what annoys me the most is the fact that I always come up and whenever I say my thoughts (which is occasionally different from hers) I am described as some naiive girl who is a) stupid for thinking in that manner and b)not taking her words wisely and from experience. Besides of these 'lessons', I find it hard to have a joke with her. When I do, she says that she is only pleasing me (due to the age gap thing) and that I am immature for responding to it and then complains about that! I am currently studying and working part time so have little money to become independent, although I have a friend who has offered me to move in with her if things at home get tough. I have considered this offer but don't fancy the idea of being dis-owned by my Mum and having no where to go if things with this friend turns bad. Should I be annoyed with Mum? Is she right for giving me these random lectures and calling me immature etc? Should I move out and live with this friend and be disowned? Please help.
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female
reader, satindesire  +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Perhaps you should take a long look at what she is lecturing you about, and instead of closing yourself down and being stubbornly defensive, see if she has made any good points.
Perhaps she is seeing you doing something that could end up with some sort of trouble, and she's trying to help you but isn't really quite sure how to correctly go about doing it, so she lectures you instead.
Often, a parents' advice comes from a VERY good place. Take a long hard look at if you're living your life in a good way before you just shut down and think she's being a nag.
A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (8 April 2009):
 YOU are the egg. SHE is the chicken. Right or wrong, that's it in a nutshell.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Annoying as they can be, but I happen to believe that a mother's love is the only one that is unconditional. She may say she would disown you right now if you moved out, and perhaps yes, for a few months ... but know that it will probably hurt her just as much.
If you wanted to move out, you need to have a good reason to do that.You know, conflict only comes in peaceful times.Or in other words, fondness comes when you are apart. You being in contact with your mum 24/7 probably is one reason why she frets so much.(in addition to what Gina said that mothers knows best lol)
Furthermore. her "nagging" could just be her [politically incorrect] way of voicing her financial concerns at home, or your financial future.
However, if she can spend hours lecturing you, it also sounds like she lacks the challenge of intellectual [or like-minded] conversation in her social life. Such as with friends her age, or friends with similar hobbies or interests. So she takes it out on you. Believe me, when her energy is already spent elsewhere, the last thing she would want to do is give lecture to her daughter! lol
You can start by spending weekends with your friends maybe, and see how that goes. Also to bring in small tokens of appreciation to her, which do not necessarily cost a lot of money. Like, a packet of her favourite biscuits, or chocolates, or something nice from a local bakery/deli. or even a hand made card. Btw, do you give her some rent money too? For the time being, maybe you can increase it even though it would mean less "play money" for yourself at the moment.
Hope your situation will be resolved soon.
Cat
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (8 April 2009):
 I wouldn't move out just yet as the old saying goes better with the devil you know!
Your mum is your mum she will lecture you i do it with my kids and yes we think we are right 9 times out of 10 because we have lived longer gone through more life experiences, but we don't always get it right sometimes we do get it wrong and i think your mum is maybe overdoing the how you should live your life kind of thing she like most mums has become a little controlling! Now that is not always a bad thing because she is just looking out for you she does not want you to make mistakes etc: but we cant wrap our kids up in cotton wool forever at some pint in their lives we need to let go and allow them to make judgements, mistakes etc: in order to learn from life experiences.
Do not ever disown your mum if all she is doing is nagging believe me you can live with that and it is far better just to humour her for now because in a few months time you may be living in a flat with friends and you will still have kept friends with your mum.
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