A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a 47 year old male with a professional job and have been married for 16 years. About a month ago I met a 39 year old female hispanic woman who speaks some english and we can hold conversations very well at a conference. She is also married for 14 years. We are both very professional people. However, when we looked into each others eyes for the first time, something happened. It was like love at first sight. We live many 1000's of miles apart and have only seen each other once, but each of us have a deep love for each other after 3 months of talking, sometimes for hours a day. Is love at first sight true? Or are we going crazy? We are ready to sacrifice everything we ever worked for to be together. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): Love at first sight is true but obviously not in this case. True love happens only once and only with one person others may be infatuation or happens due to unavoidable circumstances. In your case it is just fake. May be you will have to rekindle your old love with your wife and she with her husband to start a fresh and fruitful life
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): Hi, I totally understand what you are talking about.
I experienced "love at first sight" for the first time 4 years ago. It was exactly how you describe it. I have been married for 9 years and this had never happened to me before. Unlike you I chose to be with my husband and I am very happy with my decision but there is not one day that goes by that I think about what happened with that man and I am glad I had the opportunity to experience what "love at first sight" is.
I also love my husband but I am not in love with him anymore. After years of marriage the "in love" stage often disappears but I believe there has to be a way to bring the sparks back if you want to save your marriage.
However this your decision in the end and whatever your decide I wish you good luck.
I just hope you know this can happen to anybody at any time so don't feel lonely just try to balance what you have with your wife and if it's worth to throw it all away for this new feeling you've got now that I am sure will disappear after years if you ended up being together. That's human nature unfortunately. In the end I believe true love needs work and effort from both ends.
Good luck to you!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 September 2007):
 The hurt you don't want your wife to have is just escalating expotentially at this point. You need to get a grip buddy. Separate from your wife Immediately. The selfishness involved in this is just purely overwhelming. Do right by your wife first and for most before you entertain your johnson.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): Update: I am flying down to meet her finally after our first meeting 3 months ago. I travel a lot and meet so many people, men and women. I have had many many women come on to me but I have never acted on them, or really even had a big desire. This woman somehow has completely captured my heart somehow however. I feel really strange about this whole situation. I don't have big sexual feelings for her, but more of a want to be with her and just learn and experience life together. Yes.. I have thought about the midlife crisis theme but I just don't know. As fast as I would like to act, experience tells me to slow down a little, and if later we feel the same about each other, well then, we should proceed futher. I do love my wife but I don't know if I am in love with her. She is a very good person and deserves to be happy, but I don't want to fake it the rest of my life, but I don't want to see her hurt either. What a dilema.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): It sounds more like lust to me. I mean I have fallen inlove really quickly for boys before. Actually maybe just one. But it was different. We saw each other everyday after meeting. I saw what he was really like. I met his friends. Saw how he acted around people. We shared moments together as often as we could. I knew that I liked him in all facets of liking someone. I loved him. I guess I was smitten. I still love him to this day even though we are not together anymore.
But you don't really know anything about this woman except what she tells you over the phone and the moment that you shared with her when you first met.
Look if you don't love your wife anymore and want to leave that relationship then by all means do. But don't do it because you think you love another woman. Do it for the right reasons. Because if you don't you may end up regretting it in the end.
My mother had a bf who left her for another woman. She noticed that he was acting distant for a while and asked him what was going on. He finally confessed that he had met someone else that he was "inlove" with and told her that he did not love her anymore and he left her. And 3 months later he came back crying saying that he missed my mom and that he was wrong. But it was too late. After what he did, my mom didn't feel the same way. And to this day I heard that he has said that he has never met anyone that he loved as much as my mom.
I think you are making a big mistake. You are being hasty. Haste is waste.
...............................
A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 Sometimes in life you need to take a risk. Sometimes you need to do something dumb, something crazy, something stupid. It's what makes us human and sometimes it's the only way to avoid fading into obscurity.
I say, arrange a dirty weekend away with this woman. Wine her. Dine her. Do the nasty like you're both 18 again. No one will find out unless you spill the beans.
Then see how you feel. If you think it's worth it, remember as eyeswideopen says, you'll be tearing two families lives' apart and there will be no going back.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 I agree with eyes wide open. This is lust at first sight. Also, there is not way to test this without cheating. so if your marriage is/was sound before this meeting, move on. You're doing nothing but fanning the flames of lust by carrying on for hours with this woman.
You have already committed emotional adultery. Does your wife deserve this? Is she a good woman? Has she hurt you? Is she a good mother? What do you really know about the other woman? Does her husband deserve this? Is he a good man? .....
By the way, you hardly even mentioned your marriage or hers, other than to say the number of years you've been together. This tells me that you're almost past the point of self control and ready to walk. This is a mid life crisis. I'll be blunt, open your eyes and cherish what you have at home. What will you do if you leave to be with this woman and you get this feeling for another woman in the future? Will you then choose to leave the Hispanic lady? It doesn't end. Marriage is commitment and work.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 September 2007):
I believe that "love at first sight" is really more "lust at first sight". True love is much more involved and comes after two people really get to know each other. You need to think long and hard before you destroy your marriages and crush your spouses. If this is just a mid-life crisis then just give it time and you'll get over it. But if you feel that you truly can't be happy without each other then by all means get divorced. Just do it with integrity, be as honest and as gentle as you can be to your spouses, you two will be causing alot of pain.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (26 September 2007):
 Okay, first off, Love at first sight is real! I know because my boyfriend and I met and it was a real love at first sighting!
Secondly, before you throw everything away, you need to make sure that this is not just a fancy and that you really do love this woman. Its okay to have a fancy, so long as you dont act on it and cheat on your wife. If you really do think that your marriage and everything you have ever worked for is worth loosing over this woman, then it may possibly be real love. But you have to be sure that this is what you want and that you are prepared to accept the concequences.
Good Luck and keep us updated!
...............................
|
