A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:I'm sixteen and I'm a virgin. I plan to stay a virgin for a long time. I'm writing this because I have simple question to ask. My mother doesn't want me to talk to boys and I've told her that I wouldn't Now the dating/sex age for my family is usually between 9/14 years of age. I have managed to keep myself away from the opposite sex for two years now [I didn't hit puberty till I was fourteen and I had no interest in boys before that.] I've done as she asked me.My question is: Is it wrong to have a vibrator at 16? Yes, I have one and I'm terribly guilty about it. I also have porn and vibrating bullet. The reason I have these things is because I need them to calm my growing libido. I am able to control my sexual natural but sadly I cannot fight what is hereditary. :
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libido, porn, vibrator Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, shellycammon +, writes (21 May 2008):
NOPE your doing great! i think everyone should have a vibrator, they dont have diseses you can shut them off when you dont want them and you can put them in a drawer and move on with your next activity in the day and you can do it when you want to and not plan it. i think that most girls your age wouldnt think as maturely as you do. im very proud of you and the way that you are taking sex seriously and im sure your mom would be fine with it too.
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 Absolutely no problem using a vibrator. It's not wrong. It's not bad. It's definitely not anything to feel guity about.
But... why is there always a "but"?! But don't use it as the sole substitute for relationships and friendships. There's absolutely no need to have sex with anyone until you are absolutely ready - and by "sex" I include all the fumbling and fondling that tends to go on! Don't do it, don't do any of it until you are absolutely ready to do it. But it is very important as you grow and develop emotionally to have interaction with friends, close friends. If you keep away from boys and never even talk to them, then you are going to find it very difficult to manage a relationship later on when you are ready and when you really want one.
I'm sure you are not a weak-willed person who is going to give in to the urges of some over-enthusiastic young man or to your own urges, are you? So, talk to them. Meet them. Be very daring and let one of them hold your hand if you like him! Seriously, isolating yourself is not healthy and not good for your development. You need to be able to recognise and handle your feelings, and you need to be able to interact with other people. These are things that most of us learn in our teens with others who are also going through that learning process. If you have missed out on learning it, it's going to be very difficult to handle later when you find yourself confronted with someone who has been through it all and you have no clue where to start.
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A
female
reader, DiovanLestat +, writes (20 May 2008):
 No honey, there's nothing wrong with that. In fact I think you should be proud of yourself for the mature way you handle your needs and desires. Remember your sexuality is your business, so find someone safe to store your things away and keep your privacy.
q1605 thanks for that, you've expressed how I feel about young sexuality in a way I never could. Brilliant.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (20 May 2008):
 Once again lexilou points out the obvious. If sex didn't "run" in your family there would be no you here to ask that question and if it didn't "run" in our families their would be no one here to answer you.
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A
male
reader, previasc96 +, writes (20 May 2008):
Mixing masturbation and porn together is a recipe for disaster! You will become dependant on porn to get yourself off. Trust me... you don't want that at all! Try to watch less and less porn. There isn't anything wrong with using a toy to help you explore yourself, porn will become addictive.
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A
female
reader, Yargh + ♥, writes (19 May 2008):
 I think its great that you are taking care of your needs in a responsible way. Kudos! Also, you are not slow at all. I waited until I was 24 to lose my virginity to someone I loved. However I had been masturbating for a least a decade before that. Just because you have needs doesn't mean you have to compromise, do what you fell is right for you and don't worry about anyone else.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 If you can think with a conscience,
then you are old enough to own one.
Right or wrong, only you can answer that.
If you think it is wrong and feel troubled,
then stop using it.
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A
female
reader, lexilou + ♥, writes (17 May 2008):
 Its fine and masturbation is healthy in my opinion. By knowing your own body your more likely to enjoy sex when you get round to it as you know which buttons to press. Get the idea out of your head that you will have sex as it runs in your family - it runs in all of us to be sexually interested at some point but the decision you make as to when you act on it is yours alone its not in your genetic make up x
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (17 May 2008):
I don't think any of the adults on this site expects a kid to do without. Most just think it's too young of an age to consent to sex with another living breathing human being. As lazy guy points out you circumvent STD's pregnancy and a bad reputation, but you also are afforded the opportunity to ease into adulthood at a leisurely pace. Being sexually active is to experience a whole range of emotions that teenagers just don't need to deal with yet. A few thousand years ago human social interaction wasn't nearly as complicated as it is now, but few people lived beyond the age of thirty. There was no time to wait for maturity and in those simple times, none was needed. Coming of age today is to develop the maturity and tactics that will dictate who and what you are for a hell of a long time. You get one first shot and from then on its as much repair and damage control as it is learning the right way to be who you are.
Being sexually active does nothing to develop maturity. In my opinion dealing with all the issues that come with sex, stunts the growth of self esteem, and inhibits forming a true sense of self, independent of you defining yourself by your relationship with another. If you are asking what all this has to do with providing yourself with a nice little orgasm from a handy little appliance? One has nothing to do with the other. Which is the whole point. Unbridled sexuality without maturity is a cluster fuck in waiting. Thank God an orgasm is still just an orgasm.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): You shouldn't feel guilty at all, because if this helps to control your sexual urges without actually losing your virginity, or coming close to a boy, then great.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (17 May 2008):
 Vibrators don't give you STD's, babies or a reputation.
So my answer is, no.
No reason to feel guilty either, if everyone who masturbates feels guilty about it we are going to have an awful lot of miserable people walking around.
Masturbation is a normal healthy way to release sexual tension, exactly what you using it for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): I talk to boys sometimes but never anything beyond joking and friendship. I'm not ready for relationships, only friendships. When I'm eighteen perhaps I'll start a relationship but for now I'll work on myself. I know that what they portray in porn in not an example of real sexual encounters and I know that a vibrator is not the way accusal sex will feel. I hope this doesn't make me abnormal. I'm just not ready right now. Should I be ready? Does not being ready for relationships/sex at 16 make me abit slow or abnormal?
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia + ♥, writes (17 May 2008):
 I don't think it's wrong in the least. It's totally okay to explore yourself and experiment, especially at 16. Good for you for wanting to wait to be having sex.
Just make sure you hide your vibrator properly. Nothing is more embarrassing - at any age - than having someone find your sexy things.
You're totally, totally fine, sweetness.
xx India
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (17 May 2008):
 No one can fight the desire for sex. Some people can get used to not having any, but they still want it.
I suppose having a vibrator is no worse than masturbating. Which means I think it's OK.
By the way, we all come with a need for sex built in. It's not only in your family :-). Either that, or everyone is your relative.
All the best.
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