A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Is it wrong that I get upset with my boyfriend when he doesnt text me in the morning? We've been together for nine months and he used to constantly text me, always send good morning and goodnight texts. We haven't been texting as much for the last few months and I'm okay with that, but now that school's out and we don't see each other every day I was hoping we could talk a little more. But now he doesn't even text me good morning. I get up and go to work at 8:30 and he gets up around 10, I used to send good morning texts when I get up before him but he even said it doesn't matter to him so I stopped. He'll reply to me on Snapchat because I do my streaks in the morning but it's just a picture of his leg. So I have to text him first when I get a break at work, but he used to always text me in the morning and send me sweet little texts throughout my shift. Then last night I texted him goodnight and said I loved him and didn't get a reply.It was no biggie since I figured he fell asleep, but in the morning it was the same thing, no good morning text, no "sorry I fell asleep", just a picture of his leg on Snapchat in response to my streak. I probably wouldn't normally be so annoyed by this, but we'be broken up twice before (once was a good reason and once I dumped him) and the last time he had just stopped trying at all and showing that he cared. So I guess I am a little traumatized, but anyway am I in the wrong for being upset about this? I do anything he wants me to, I give him space and don't nag even though he doesn't text me even when he's literally just chilling watching Netflix all day, I'm super sweet and make him laugh and get interested in what he likes. I go above and beyond for him and all I ask is for him to show me that he cares. But is it asking too much?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 June 2017):
 Stop sending him messages and snaps and see if he bothers to make the effort. If I am being honest it sounds to me like he is bored off the relationship and has given up. You are still quite young so maybe he is just not ready for a committed relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2017): Well, what I would do at this point is stop rowing the boat.Make him do some of the work.That will show you how much he really cares and how invested he is in this relationship.Here is an example.I got annoyed at my boyfriend the other night for seeming annoyed that I was texting him. He was busy that day and did not respond to my texts very quickly. And if he did, it was because I was giving him a guilt trip. And I had to initiate them too.I got so fed up, I said to him since it looks like I am such an imposition and bother you by contacting you, I will leave you alone to enjoy doing whatever you're doing and talk to you some other time. He is NOT used to this from me! He answered to the effect of I hope you mean it and talk to me some other time. Trying to appear oblivious or wanting to piss me off some more. So, whatever.Then I ignored him. And stuck to it.So, he ended up texting me later that night. I ignored him. And then an hour later, he texted another time. I ignored it. Now, this behaviour is so unlike me because I always cave in to him.I actually went all night without talking to him or wanting to talk to him. I have never done that before.I read his texts the next morning. He ended up texting the first time HI. So he was trying to initiate a conversation. The second time he asked me how my day was and then when it was clear I did not answer, he said good night with a kissy emoticon. I made HIM THINK. I made HIM chase me for a change.The next morning I text him to say sorry, I fell asleep. He responded right away with how he wanted to get together that day. He later apologized for how he acted.HMMMMMM.You see. You have to give them a taste of their own medicine sometimes!I know it sounds petty but you have to show him you are not a doormat and you need to stand your ground. You set the boundaries on how you will be treated. Sometimes they need to be shocked into submission.Usually it works like a charm IF THEY CARE.So, do it.At this point, you have nothing to lose.He's got to put in some of the work. A relationship should never be one sided.If you can, come back and let us know how it went down.If he doesn't give a shit and still doesn't pick up the ball, no worries. At least you know and can move on for good this time. You don't need that kind of crap from anyone.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (7 June 2017):
Welcome to the natural progression of relationships. The screaming scorhies die down as the relationship matures and sometimes becomes better in other ways. That is especially true for guys. Women seem to have an easier time communicating love, at least outside the bedroom. And many of us are not so creative when it comes to saying I love you, especially via text. Personally, I would become frustrated after nine months of morning and night texts...I'd want to keep it fresh and creative, which is difficult given that you've probably shared well over a hundred such texts. What cute or intelligent thing can he come up with next?
That said, it is rude of him not to give you some reply when you text him "I love you." It does appear that - as you say - he no longer cares. A guy of any age who watches Netflix all day is not really a good catch, anyway. You sound like you are energetic and will be going places, and are having a difficult time adjusting to this boy. I'm sure better opportunities will come your way. So don't be so disappointed that this relationship seems to have run its course.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 June 2017):
 It is asking too much when you ask it to someone who does not really care.
He does not seem too bothered with pursuing you or making you happy or whatnot, he is leaving the relationship maintenance work all for you to do. This must mean something.
Personally I would not be bothered by not getting a good morning text ( although, probably if I were 16 I WOULD be a little bothered ) ; if he is sleeping he is not texting, and if now that school's out he has the chance for a while to sleep longer , why should he not take it. At most I would be envious :!)
But it's from what you say in general that shows that you are really rowing hard this relationship boat- and he is just coming along with low enthusiasm. Moreover, if in 9 months you have already broken up twice - tbh I would not struggle to keep him around , and I would let him go , or at least let the relationship die of natural death. On and off is always ominous for a relationship. Most of the times it does not mean that two people are so connected that they just cannot be apart regardless of their differences. It just means that either one, or both, are too lazy / passive / needy 7 afraid of singletude to let go of a lost cause.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2017): I can personally relate to this. I was in a relationship where he would text me all the time, until it slowed down and he would not even reply to snapchats. I know how you feel and it feels awful! I too, went on more than one break with my boyfriend at the time, thinking that things would change, but it was still the same two word text. But Youcannotbeserious, you are worth more than feeling the hurt of your situation. You're obviously doing your absolute best to be the best partner in the relationship and you deserve to have the same done to you! You deserve to be cared for in the same way that you care for someone.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (7 June 2017):
 Why are you still with him if you're not happy?Stop wasting your time on someone that doesn't care.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (7 June 2017):
 Sweetheart, you are selling yourself far too cheap. This guy has it all his own way with you making all the effort and him doing nothing in return.
Drop his sorry backside and find yourself someone who will prioritize your happiness over watching tv. You CAN do so much better!
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