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Is it wrong to end things with a good person when they are not your type?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 April 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 21 April 2017)
A male United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Is it wrong to end things with someone cause they are not your type? they treat you wonderful,they come on really strong,you wish your ex would of treated you this way. the one who treated you bad you fell for,now I have someone who would do anything for me, is that the way my ex felt? i have friends who ex,s bug them when its over but mine I never have heard from them again/ i wonder, it's because they had bad experience before me,so am punished cause they don't want to get hurt again, but am the nice guy!

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (21 April 2017):

YouWish agony auntNo one will *ever* be your type as long as you're not over your ex. I don't think you realize how serious this is for you AND for any woman you hurt from here on out that you choose to date while NOT being over your ex.

Any time you start thinking "I wish my ex had treated me this way", what makes your ex more your type than the one who IS treating you well??

Your ex is gone. She wasn't your type, and you weren't HER type. You can either come to grips with that and hurt every good woman you try to date in the future, or you can make peace with it and let her go mind, will, and emotionally.

Women should never be used as salve or rebounds. Using a woman to try to get over someone else is dishonest, and it mistreats the women who is believing you to be emotionally available, when clearly you are not.

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A female reader, like I see it United States + , writes (21 April 2017):

like I see it agony auntNow you have some perspective on why your ex may have ended things even though you're a perfectly nice guy. For a relationship to last, both people really do need to feel some kind of chemistry. As you're finding out, simply being nice isn't the same as feeling sparks with someone.

Don't string the new woman along if you don't think she's right for you, and understand that your ex probably ended things out of a desire not to do that to you either.

Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (20 April 2017):

Just remember why they're an ex. Everyone has to introspect after being dumped, or dumping someone. You aren't supposed to feel good about breaking-up; but eventually you must heal and move forward.

I got dumped, and I was very nice to the guy who dumped me. I've never found reason to bother him again, because I got over him. I don't think of him in negative terms; because I got on with my life and he's now just a memory. I still recall how nice of a man he was, when he was, but everything else sort of faded into the past. I see no reason to ever call or contact him. I've found someone better. He told me I deserved someone better. He was right. I haven't seen or heard from him since. He'd be jealous of the guy I've found since, for sure. That's neither here nor there, really!

You don't really want to hear from them if you don't have to. You don't lead people on just because they're nice. That's unfair and deceitful. It would be taking advantage of their fondness for you. It's better they find someone else, than waste their feelings on someone who doesn't feel the same for them.

Move on.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (20 April 2017):

No it is not wrong.

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom + , writes (20 April 2017):

I think this is exactly what your ex will have felt. Sometimes a person can do everything right and be perfectly lovely, but there's just nothing there. No click or no spark. It doesn't mean you are being punished for being too nice, it means you weren't the right fit. So many men seem to think they can change a woman's mind about them if they change their behaviour in some way, whereas it's much more about what you just described - you can't be everyone's type. You'd be much better learning to accept that and move on instead of creating conspiracies around why your ex ended things with you.

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