A
female
age
41-50,
*arturallycurlyhair
writes:Hello! My husband's firm has recently hone bankrupt and he has consequently lost his job. So now I am the only one working. We have no kids, I own the house where we live and I own the family car. He owns nithing.My job pays reasonably well so we will not have financial concerns- although the house income will of course be halved. From now on, until he finds a new job - and that isnt gonna be anytime soon I am afraid because we live in an area where recession hit us all pretty hard- he's just gonna be a house husband cooking cleaning and doing all the chires aroun the house while I will go out and work. Questions: do you think this is socially acceptable or is it weird? Do you think I will ultimately end resenting him for not working and this whole thing will take a toll on our marriage? At the moment I am perfectly fine with the idea, but sometimes I feel that in a while I will be thinking "why do I have to get up at 5 every morning while you sit around doing nothing???".What's your view on this situation?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 March 2016):
 First of all, I see the real error in your thinking, and it is THAT error and not your husband's misfortune that will put the strain on your marriage.
This is your husband, right? As in, you did the ceremony, the license, and the witnesses? You *do* realize that this is at its core a LEGAL status, correct? Unless you both signed a prenup, that means he owns what you own, and you own what he owns. Your car, the house, the firm's bills and bankruptcy are marital assets now. Also, your possible pension or retirement account, your investments or stock portfolios, they are also community property. Having just your name on the family car's deed doesn't make it only yours.
You have to see everything as OURS, not HIS AND YOURS. This means that there will be times of bounty and prosperity and times of hardship, financial or healthwise or other things external or internal. This means that your thinking up until now that YOU have all this and HE has nothing is crap. BOTH of you work for the benefit of Family Household, Incorporated.
If your husband is picking up the household chores while you work, how is that doing nothing? Also, if he's also looking for work, even if it takes a year or so, he will have feet to the ground doing what it takes. You didn't mention children, so it's quite possible that comes into it as well.
What if had happened to you? What if you were laid off or had a catastrophic health issue like cancer or a stroke or a heart attack? Would you think that he should resent you for your change in circumstance?? No! A loving household adapts and improvises. I guarantee that he is just as unhappy as you are about the change in his fortune. His firm...his dream...just went up in smoke. He feels as if he's failed you. You have to be with him emotionally, and both of you get together and formulate the plan for these tough times.
You can make the difference between him falling into despair and him seeing this bankruptcy as a blessing in disguise in hindsight. My advice of course changes if he starts doing destructive things such as drugs, alcohol, infidelity, gambling, or other things like that. However, since you didn't mention it, there it is.
I can't see the country flag you're from, but I know there are government remedies he should check into for picking up some family slack, like unemployment insurance. He may be eligible for grants to further his education and gain some skills or a trade useful in expanding his employment toolbox.
Put your heads together and come up with a plan, the both of you. Everything you have is "OURS". The family crisis is "OURS". The solution is also "OURS". You must integrate your thinking and reallign it as such or if your marriage fractures, you'll be the one losing in the end.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (23 March 2016):
I have a house husband. I highly recommend them. :)
There are people who think our relationship is weird. We've had people call him the Little Mrs. One of his friends even cornered me and told me how he could never imagine letting a woman support him.
Screw those people. We have chosen a life that works for us and we are happy. We have a little hobby farm with a little livestock and we breed Saint Bernard dogs, when we have puppies he's up for a week straight taking care of them and making sure nobody gets squished by mom.
I won't lie, there are times when I feel envious of his position. But I have to remember that this is something we decided together. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, etc. And he is my best friend and I adore him.
good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 March 2016):
 Hello I too have naturally curly hair and I too just recently got a house husband and I too own our home and make good money.
So I could have written your question. My husband lost his job two weeks ago. He will not be getting unemployment as it was his fault.
He really has a ton of medical issues right now and it does not pay for him to find a job until we get those fixed.
I have no issue with him being the house husband... He actually did the grocery shopping yesterday and it was fine.
He's feeling crummy that he's not contributing. I worry that his mental health will take a beating by not being "the breadwinner" even though we know his money is our play money...
if he steps ups and does the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc... then it's the 21st century go for it.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (23 March 2016):
 I would LOVE a house husband, seriously I would. IMHO running a household is no different to any other job. You cook-Chef,you clean- Cleaner, you pay bills and run errands-Office worker, you fix things-Tradie, you maintain the garden- Landscaper, only difference is you don't get paid. Worry about what society thinks when society comes to live under your roof.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 March 2016):
 I have met a few house-husbands while my husband served in the Army. They wives were NCO's or Officers and they weren't working (usually due to a recent move or illness).
There is nothing wrong with it. AS LONG as he doesn't SIT ON his bum and make you do all the work for a pay and all the work in the house.
While he is out of work the house is his responsibility. Honestly, I think it might make him get up and find a job faster as it is VERY repetitive.
I suggest you two sit down and make a chore list for "house duties" (if he hasn't really dine that before) and help him plan the day.
Is it socially acceptable? Why not? Because he has a penis he can't stay home and take care of the house?
And honestly who cares? Right now that IS your situation, MAKE the best of it.
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