A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I was just thinking about this and just thought I should post this as a question to see what others think.. Ok so I am an 18 year old girl. I have never kissed a guy, I have never messed around, fooled around with a guy either. And yes I am a virgin, and I'm perfectly fine with being a virgin. But I think its kinda strange I haven't had my first kiss yet. And its not like I haven't had a guy wanna kiss me, because I've had some, but at the last minute I turn my head the other way and I don't know why, its just the reaction I have when put in that situation. why do I react this way though? I haven't told anyone about my lack of experience most of my friends think I have kissed guys. Theirs just this one guy that knows that I haven't kissed anyone, and he said that was good, that he has a lot of respect for me. How is it good for a guy to have a girlfriend or a certain girl they like to be like how I am? Is it cause he'll be the first? Or cause he wants a pure girl that knows how to respect herself? I also wanna know if I'm weird for being so innocent so to speak? And if my unexperience will make me attract guys that only wanna be the first to kiss, mess around, make out etc? Thanks in advance Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (3 February 2009):
First kiss in college. Lost virginity at ~23. Extent of that drama was she (also virgin, couple years younger) asked why I was still a virgin. Answered I was super-studious (not partying) in school, didn't meet anyone I was that serious about until her. And that was the totality of the awkwardness.Had a wonderful relationship with her, a crazy hot fling with another old friend a year or so later, and then started dating a terrific friend whom I'm now married to (11 years).Everybody is different, but I never knew the sexual/relationship past of any woman I dated until well into the relationship. That stuff didn't define either of us, nor would I expect it to define you: people will date you for your sense of humor, your smile, your confidence, shared interests and values, and (depending on the venue you meet them in) how you walk in those jeans. Anybody who really worries about your past experiences (or lack thereof) isn't interested in *you*, but in someone to fit a script they've written in their head.About your turning away: When someone is really into you for who you are, and takes their time, you'll probably feel less need to avoid. Young guys feel a pressure to be experienced, and once experienced a lot of people (guys and gals) rush sometimes because physical intimacy is yummy and can be rather addictive. But the beginning of a good love affair is memorable, because there's a lot of nervousness, and people go very slowly, not wanting to move too fast lest they lose everything. And a lot of people miss that going slow later on in relationship, when things become efficient and auto-piloted. I would think a "I'm pretty new to this, I want/need to go really slow and enjoy this" would be sufficient if you feel rushed.Finally, for every guy who might want to be your "first" (because they want to be idolized for "giving" you a memorable experience), there will be guys who will feel pressure for the same reason. [A saying I once heard: "If you pop the Pepsi, you have to drink the whole can." I.e., there's added responsibility to your partner if s/he's new to sex.] And a girl who is very experienced will know what she likes better, and how to ask for it, and be comfortable with her sexuality, but also forces the guy to realize that he's not necessarily going to be better in bed than any man she's ever been with.My point is, there's no single Way to Be that will make you attractive to every guy. Best you can do is be true tothe part of you you like the most, your better self. This gives you the best chance to end up with a guy who likes that part of you. That leads both to good intimacy and relationships overall.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): Hi,i dont think theres anything wrong with that at all. im 21 years old and dont consider myself experianced at all. i didnt lose my virginity untill i was 20. iv only ever been with one guy. dont feel pressured in to doing stuff because ur friends do. only you know when is the right time. i think its good you have values. to be honest i wish id have waited untill i was in a serious relationship untill i lost my virginity because i wasnt even going out with the guy i lost it to.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (31 January 2009):
 Nothing weird about it at all. Good for you.
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A
male
reader, planepocket +, writes (31 January 2009):
No.It isn't weird their is nothing wrong with wating for the right person.Most men prefer women that have not been with anyone.Self respect is important because a guy doesn't want someone that can't take care of themselves or a family.You don't need to tell everyone you date how inexperienced you are so they won't try to be the first.
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