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Is it weird that I want to randomly hook up with an older man and lose my virginity?

Tagged as: Age differences, Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 March 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 4 March 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hi everyone this may be a weird question but is it weird that I want to lose my virginity to an older man? By older I mean around 40 to 50 years old. I don't really have an explanation as to why I like older men but I'm still a virgin at 23 I am the only one out of all my girl friends. I feel like a weirdo but ever since my teenage years I have been attracted to older men and I want to randomly hookup with someone. Do I sound crazy? thanks for reading

View related questions: older man, older men, still a virgin

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (4 March 2015):

chigirl agony auntDoesn't sound crazy to me at all. We all like different things, and considering all the different tastes out there, yours is rather ... I wouldn't want to say boring, but it definitely falls underneath "common fantasies/desires". It's a perfectly legal fantasy that can also be carried out in reality, and there are several other humans on this planet who want the exact same. So not crazy at all.

Just because your girl friends don't tell you, doesn't mean they aren't having fantasies of their own... probably fantasies that they themselves believe are weird.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015):

You have a normal attraction to older men + a normal urge to have a casual fling.

Don't over-analyze it. Don't convince yourself it shows how mature you are. This kind of attraction is not any better at leading to healthy long term relationships than a middle-aged man being attracted to a teenage girl.

This is just your sex drive talking. No better, no worse.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015):

What's weird is your desire to loose your virginity to a random guy. What's your rush? Nor is there anything abnormal or abhorrent with you being a virgin at 23. Such girl is what makes you highly desired by men who want to settle and those that do are probably in their 30s, exactly your type - older

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015):

I lost my virginity to a 60 year old man.

I have no regrets.

I think it was because he was older and more experienced and more patient. I felt safe with him. I felt comfortable. I just knew he was the one and I had chosen him to share this experience with me. I felt cherished. I knew the experience was not going to be all about him but mostly about me. And I needed that for my first time.

I think he also felt honored by the fact a young woman is choosing him to be her first. I think more honored than a younger guy because older men's egos are more fragile and it makes them feel worthy and really good about themselves. I think they get some sort of a kick out of it. A big boost to their self esteem. I am not sure why but it is an extra turn on for an older guy to deflower a virgin. Maybe a daddy complex on his part. To have a young woman who is much more "innocent" in his eyes yet still very sexually appealing at the same time.

Do whatever you feel is right for you.

Just choose wisely. I would try to get to know him first for a little while to make sure you feel safe with him. You need to trust him.

Good luck.

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2015):

You don’t sound crazy or weird. You are possibly attracted to the maturity of an older man. Perhaps you think they’ll be more stable, more reliable, or somehow more exciting. Whatever the reason, you’re far from the only one with a preference for the older man, and if you find some-one with whom you can make it work, that’s absolutely fine. Wanting to lose your virginity isn’t weird either, although if you’re doing so just because all your friends have, that’s not a good reason to rush your first time. There’s a good chance that if you randomly hook up with some-one and it’s all about the sex, you’ll ultimately come to regret it. Whilst it’s true that many people do not lose their virginity to the person they spend the rest of their lives with, it should be lost to some-one where you have feelings for each other. Some-one who cares about you, will care about making it special, putting you at your ease and supporting you through it. You’d be surprised how many people are still virgins just because they don’t advertise the fact, and equally surprised by how many people who feel no better about themselves or their relationship prospects just because they’re no longer virgins. Concentrate on finding out what it is that attracts you in a man, look to date and get to know some-one first, then worry about the sex.

I wish you all the very best.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015):

Is/was your bio-father in the picture? If not, then you may be experiencing a classic manifestation of Daddy issues, seeking physical affection from an older male as a substitute for the father-daughter relationship you were denied growing up.

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