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Is it true that men simply don't want to see my body type, over weight but not huge, or is my body type just boring to them?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Pornography, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 February 2017) 9 Answers - (Newest, 24 February 2017)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My bf looks at porn with the women who are much thinner than me and also those who are extremely overweight .

I am overweight but not huge like the bbw porn he likes and he says he doesn't have any porn of women like me because it's hard to find and all either one extreme or the other .

Is it true that men simply don't want to see my body type or its just boring to them

I know that technically any type of body could be found but he made my body type sound extremely hard to find as if it's simply not that desirable . Is this true

View related questions: overweight, porn

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (24 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntYou have repeatedly asked this question and have got some good advice, what else are you looking to hear from on here?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017):

"I have never understood a mentality of dehumanising women and in porn and treating them as nothing more than bodies."

Simple economics. There's a demand for it so there's money to be made in supplying it.

I don't condone it and I believe that a lot of women who end up doing porn either have psychological issues, are substance abusers, and/or are guileless wanna-be movie stars who lack talent and are manipulated into it. No doubt they're being exploited and the money they earn, although better than what they could earn anywhere else, is peanuts compared to what the (almost always male) producers make.

As I futilely tried to explain to another OP, masturbation is purely a physical release, and often times the type of porn a guy prefers is representative of a fetish which he would never imagine actually indulging in for fear of shame or embarrassment.

Porn caters to extremes, and it's not that your body type is of little interest to men but rather that it's of little interest to men who use porn. Maybe most guys who are with women of your body type are so happy and fulfilled they don't feel the compulsion to use porn.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017):

Why don't you sort yourself out and make yourself look sexy if even you don't like your own body. A body is something everyone has and everyone can control. Just a matter of how lazy you are and how much you can't restrain yourself from food.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (20 February 2017):

Honeypie agony auntEven the women in porn don't LOOK like what you "see" in the porn. Camera angles, make up, "outfits", lighting can make ANYONE - SERIOUSLY anyone look like someone else.

So no, I don't think YOU have a body type NO man finds attractive.

But you MAY not attract as much attention because you don't seem to like your own body.

I know when I gained from having kids I REALLY hated my body the extra 60lbs made me feel like I was wearing one of those blow-up sumo wrestler suits. I avoided many of the things I really loved to do, go swimming, be out in public. When I lost the weight - which was seriously hard work, I felt SO great about myself again and THAT attracted a lot more attention than I wanted. It wasn't my body was OH SO much better looking - it was my overall attitude and well, self-love.

Now if your BF said he was looking at either skinny or BIG girls because he couldn't find any that looked like you, HE is full of crap. I think he probably was looking at those types because 1. they ARE easier to find 2. he looked for specific "actresses" 3. they are the types he doesn't see at home.

I don't think there is a category for slightly, but not really overweight or he hasn't found any that appeal to him (not the body type but WHAT they are doing in the porn.

PS, I read an article not that long ago that "plump" is "in" when it comes to pornstars - they are just not sold as that.

I mean if you think about it, the CATAGORIES for porn are often based on race, color, type of sex or size of boobs/butt.

Lastly, I don't understand why you even WANT to compare yourself with porn"stars".....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017):

I seriously think he is aiming to put you on camera as a porn person.

Why?

Because it rolls all his fantasies into one.

And he already has you questioning yourself about your body worth.

Porn is already standard and you are already offended that he is looking at body types that are not your own.

You need to reevaluate yourself in terms of what you would or wouldnt do.

You need to push back against the concept that sex on camera females are stars.

They are not!

They are exploited women who believe their only worth is the small amount of money they get for sex on camera.

Also pin up a pic of an unobtainable sexy male so that your bf

feels what its like to be constantly compared to someone else and call him "Fred!"

Say "hello fred, you sexy stud!" to the picture everyday until bf notices he's got competition in the shape of a pinup.

And finally reappraise your guy and be aware of his faults so that you dont see him as someone you are unworthy of!

And let him know now and again that he has fallen short of your dream guy!

eg "your palms are so hairy darlin but I'll get you some cream

for it before we visit your mums!"

Get him to give his porn to charity just to prove he loves you, but from what you say he is an online porn addict, so

perhaps he is rather boring, selfish company which means you'll be spending quite a lot of time talking to Fred!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017):

Purely physically with no emotional connection men would be attracted to within 1 standard deviation of a healthy, trim body type. That is largely biological. Porn doesn't necessarily cater for that as you now have porn look. The rise in popularity of more girl next door and naked selfies is probably a push back against this. Please note though that men are different so he may find you irresistibly attractive both emotionally and physically. You don't have to appeal to the average male because the average male probably does nothing for the average female. Oh and definitely don't discount your worth on insecurities because you don't look like an artificial porn version of beauty.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017):

Hi I'm the asker if this question . Of course I see myself as a whole person and not just a body . Incidentally I see the women in porn as whole people too . Every human being is a whole person and not just a body in my opinion. I have never understood a mentality of dehumanising women and in porn and treating them as nothing more than bodies. This to me is a horrible thing. I am all for human rights and recognise that they add real people behind those cameras .

I'm not sure why you think I see myself as only a body or why I would ever want to see them ( or any human being ) as only a body ?

I was asking if my body type is one that is of little interest to men that's all

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (20 February 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhy do you only see yourself in terms of your body? You are a whole person. Your body is just PART of you. The women in the porn films ARE just bodies, at least for the purposes of the films.

If your boyfriend makes you feel insecure, then it is time to change your boyfriend.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017):

NO that is absolutely not true. Did you post the last question about your bf looking at porn with different body types too? Or was that another person with the same problem?

In any event, I think what it shows about your boyfriend is that he likes all body types. I don't think he is lying when he says it is harder to find "middle of the road" body types. Things in porn tend to be exaggerated, extra skinny, extra youthful girly girls, or bbw as you say, from what I have heard from guys, extremes are easily searchable. Porn is an exaggeration of everything, so usually you don't see the average. But obviously in real life men love the average as much as anything.

If anything I would take heart that he is looking at a variety of different body types. That just tells me he does NOT have a type, but finds it all attractive, all kinds of females, thin, thick, etc. (which most men do).

The other thing which has been discussed on here before is that sometimes men tend to look for the body types they are not seeing at home in their porn. That is because they want variety and fantasy. They have you in the flesh already, so to add to the variety of body types in their head they fill in the others :S That does not mean they aren't just as attracted to yours.

Honestly I, as a woman, find the whole porn thing messed up though. If it upsets you, like it does me, I would consider asking him to severely reduce or stop using porn. Sometimes men don't realize how hurtful it is.

Good luck

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