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Is it totally out of order for me to be feeling like he doesn't care anymore?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 July 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 5 July 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi

I'm in desperate need of some help I'm getting to the point I can't cope anymore.

So here's the back story, me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years. I am disabled so I cannot work. We both still live with our parents currently. He works as a chef 2pm - 11pm 5 days a week.

Up until the past couple of months things have been great, until he started working in the kitchens. Since then, there has been no romance, no cuddles/kisses or messing around, he doesn't support me when I need him most and I feel like he's bored of me because I can't do alot anymore.

Yesterday he announced in January next year he's moving in with 2 girls and 1 guy from work. They're both really pretty which makes me more insecure. He's not they type to cheat but it does make me jealous that he;s decided he wants to move in with them and not me.

Is it totally out of order for me to be feeling like e doesn't care anymore?

I'm thinking of breaking up with him because for me a relationship is meant to be fun and special. But he never texts back, nor kisses or cuddles me anymore.

I think he's done with me, he just doesn't want to admit it.

Please help!

Thanks in advance!

View related questions: disabled, insecure, jealous, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2015):

He actually earns a good wage and I already pay 50% where I live. He also just left me. So thanks.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 July 2015):

Honeypie agony auntWould you be ABLE to share 50% of the cost of living away from your parents? If not, I think it's NOT so strange that he chooses to move in with some friends/co-workers who CAN afford to share the costs.

Maybe working as hard as he is, he doesn't HAVE a lot of extra to give, he might be exhausted and not really paying attention that he isn't fulfilling your needs for attention and affection. OR... he is slowly withholding it, so that YOU will get fed up and dump him. That way he can feel like HE wasn't the bad guy who dumped you...

It does sound like your relationship has run it's course. You need support and attention, he gives you none. You text and he doesn't reply... I mean the writing is on the wall. Exhausted from work or not, I think he has a foot out the door and so do you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2015):

Sounds like he's working pretty hard; and must not be earning very much, if he needs three other working roommates. He doesn't fit you into his plans, and doesn't show you affection.

How do you breakup with a someone without hurting them; especially someone insecure and disabled? Three years is quite a long time for a couple in your age-group, and he's not the cheating type. Perhaps the relationship has now run its course; and you should prepare yourself emotionally.

I think it is safe to conclude he may be done with your relationship; considering how young you both are. If he is no longer happy and affectionate within your relationship, it's best to let him go. You don't want someone to remain with you out of sympathy or obligation. You want them to love you, and show you affection. You found him, and you will surely find someone else.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (5 July 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony aunt"I think he's done with me, he just doesn't want to admit it."

You are correct.....

Good luck...

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (5 July 2015):

janniepeg agony auntIf he didn't say anything about renting with roommates in order to save money, so he could afford some place with just you and him, then yes, I would feel insecure too. 45 hours a week surely is tiresome, but have you asked him how he feels about you and the relationship before assuming it's the end?

Realistically a relationship after a while is only fun on the weekends, not counting those that people want to sleep in all day. I would give him a pass if he still plans dates with you on weekends or days he's off. Many married men only have energy to watch TV or porn after working 5 days a week. Dating is a survival game, the one that has the most energy, and time wins. Either he's too tired to have room for dating or he lost interest. He doesn't want to talk so you can let it die naturally by not talking anymore.

I wouldn't mind dating a person with a disability just for the reason that he has time for me, and puts me first. But for a lot of people, money is important so he might feel resentful that he's doing everything while you can afford to rest. It's hard to always remember that people don't choose their disability and to have compassion for them.

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