A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, we are 23 and have discussed moving in, but he says hes not ready yet and mayb in a year or 2. Also he says at the minute he doesnt want kids or marriage in the future. It is something i would probably want, but mostly I just want to be with him. Are we just too young to be discussing these things? im just finished my degree looking for work and so is he, we still feel like kids ourselves. Is it just fearing things too early and in the end if we r together then children may happen or not.Should we just be taking things slowly and enjoying being together and what happens happens. Or should we say exactly what we want from r relationship now?Neither of us want to split up and love eachother. I just think he doesnt see alot of things in his future, mayb including me but is that just coz hes a young lad and its just fear.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Key to the "answer" to your query is whether or not you are putting out for this "B/F"....
IF you ARE, then he has no reason to want to take on any OTHER responsibility.... since young guys don't think any farther in advance than the next time they can bed their G/F......
Consider my comment (above) and see if your "question" isn't self-answering.....
A
female
reader, Amanda-Louise93 +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Talk. Listen. Decide.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 February 2012):
 No it's not too early to be discussing your future together. You've been together plenty long enough to be discussing such things. If you want to get married and have kids, you need to be able to discuss that with him. Make it clear you don't want it soon, but that you need to know if it's something he thinks he'll ever want. Being together for 5 years and still not even discussing moving together or marriage is a little unusual. I don't even mean doing it, just even having a conversation about it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Should we?
If you want it now and he does not then your timetables are off... this can be a problem.
Are you too young? I was married and pregnant at 23 my first son born when I was 24 so for MY timetable not too young... for yours maybe not too young for his clearly too young.
You need to talk more about it together and you will probably need to be the one to choose what to do. You may decide you are willing to wait... or you may figure out that you can't wait and therefore will have to leave the relationship....
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (12 February 2012):
 I don't think you are naive. But I do think you need to wait just a bit. Finish school, get jobs, and then you will be ready to take that next step.
You have a whole lot of life left. Enjoy it a bit!
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Young people want to have fun and they want to postpone responsibility for as long as his partner can be patient. You have to decide if you can be happy just dating. It's not too early to discuss but you probably won't want to start this conversation again because he made his point. There are the minority of people who decide they won't have children, period. If that's the case he should let you know now before you invest more in the relationship.
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A
female
reader, KlassyKirsty +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Marriage and children are a big commitment, and it is not a light hearted decision. not that i have children myself, but my next door neighbour has a baby, and her feedback is that they r time consuming, hard work, pretty expensive and they r demanding as well. Dont allow these facts to have a bad overview of having a child. if u are capable of bringing up and nurturing a child successfully, by all means go for it but just b mentally and physically prepared, not just because of peer pressure dictating what u must do :)
Conventional stereotypical beliefs can put us under pressure of presenting the ideal family, well off, healthy, financially stable etc which compells u into rushing into these decisions. If u feel the need to wait a few more years, then do it, do something exciting with ur bf, cuz if and when children come into the picture, u will not have an opportunity to b spontaneous anymore, and u need a good career as well because babies r not cheap!
u need to enjoy ur life before reproducing, because those years u will never regain
good luck and dont worry, just go with the flow :) xxxx
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