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Is it stupid to take back my ex in a month or two?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 July 2017) 7 Answers - (Newest, 14 July 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I had been in a relationship for almost 6 years (engaged to be married) and my fiancé informed me almost a month ago he likes another woman.

After plenty of time I decided one night to leave him and moved everything out and back to my parents home and when he got home from work there was no trace of my existence. He phoned me in tears asking why and I explained how he wants someone else and has treated me pretty crappy for the past year and a bit and I deserve better.

Moving on he wants me back and to move back home with him and I am most definitely not going back anytime soon but would I be stupid if I did go back in like two month or so? My family and friends actually hate him now and have told me to move on and get away and how he's an awful person but the truth is I love and want to be with him. I want us to be together and if he proves he can change and this other woman is a thing of the past I do want to go back but I'm worried I'd be a fool because I know how much my friends and family would disapprove of it. What do you think?

View related questions: move on, my ex

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A female reader, Miss.Cupid United States +, writes (14 July 2017):

Miss.Cupid agony auntWhy two months?

What if then it'll be too late and he'll be with that woman he likes?

Crying over the phone isn't good enough. You have to have respect for yourself at the end of the day. You're currently not married. But imagine going back to him, you guys get married and he decided that he wants to try something with someone else.

Divorce isn't as simple as Hollywood makes it seem. And why put yourself through that emotionally. I think you've wasted your time enough with that idiot who didn't know what he had till it was gone. Let him cry, cry you a freaked river.

You need to realize you are so much more. You will meet someone who will give you the world, and your family will love. Don't go back to someone who didn't know what he had till it was gone. Why put your heart in his hands again.

Good Luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2017):

If your planning to take him back in a month or two then you may as well do it now, you are obviously trying to prove to everyone that you deserve better by basically having a break and teaching him a lesson.... personally if my fiancé said he liked another girl I'd never take him back, I want a man who only ever has eyes for me, isn't that a girls dream when they think of who they want to spend their lives with, that you feel special, not a person with a wandering eye

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 July 2017):

Honeypie agony auntWhat exactly is going to change in a month or two that is Ok right now?

You two haven't resolved the REAL issue the relationship fell apart and just staying away for 2-3 months will not change that - NOT one bit.

LISTEN to your family and friends, they know YOU (and your relationship MUCH better than strangers (us) on the internet.)

You go back to him and thing will NOT have change it will be the same just with LESS trust on your side and less respect for you on his.

I think you have to accept that the relationship has run its course. time to figure out what YOU want out of life and go for that. Get back on your feet, cut the contact with him, etc back to your "happy place" with yourself and with life and LIVE.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (13 July 2017):

N91 agony auntYou posted here the other day.

You received good advice so it's very clear that you're waiting for someone to say 'yes, give him another chance'.

I'm afraid that isn't going to happen. You guys broke up for a reason, leave this relationship in the past and move on.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (13 July 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI would imagine people think the same as when you posted this exact same post a couple of days ago. Are you posting it until someone gives you the answer you want?

If you want to go back to him, then it is your life and your choice. However, next time he treats you like rubbish, don't expect your family and friends to be as sympathetic as the first time. Remember, first time is not your fault because you were not to know but anything after that is a CHOICE yoi made in full knowledge of what is likely to happen again.

If you allow people to treat you badly, some inevitably will. Going back to a man who has already shown you how little he thinks of you is fine if you have no self respect.

You say you love him. For love to work it has to be a two-way thing. Ask yourself this: how much did HE love YOU when he was treating you badly and telling you he wanted someone else? Do you really think you are not worth better?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (13 July 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt Yes, it would be stupid. What's a month or two going you change in the fact that, beside crushing on another woman, he has been treating you crappy since one year and a bit ? You were engaged to be married, would do really want to be married with someone who treats you crappy ?

Didn't you say that you deserve better ?.. Have you changed your mind , and decided that you deserve crappy instead ?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 July 2017):

I agree with your family and friends. Stay put. The other situation probably didn't workout, but you're his "second-choice." He cheated on you, and now wants you back.

Stop and think. Do you mostly want him back because he liked another woman; and you need to prove to yourself you can take him back? What about trust? Do you think he's completely over her; or will you be checking his underwear and snooping on his phone from now on?

My guess is, he doesn't want to marry you. So he had to sabotage things to halt your wedding plans. It took him six years to get to a marriage proposal. If he takes you back, it will be just like old-times. Only without being engaged.

Go back, you'll breakup within another two or three months tops. Either that, or you'll start a pattern of make-ups and breakups. While he dates other ladies in-between. There's the shadow of another woman, who will always be the dark cloud over your relationship. You might love him, but you can't trust him.

Love is useless without trust.

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