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Is it rude not to respond to a text right away?

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Question - (1 August 2008) 10 Answers - (Newest, 1 August 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have a question about texting.

So I've been chatting/texting this guy i really like for a while now.

The thing is...is it rude to not respond right away to a question?

Sometimes he ignores it and sometimes he takes a day to response. I know he reads it right away because he always has his phone on him. Isn't it rude to keep someone waiting like that?

We scheduled to talked. (it's long distance) and that night i texted him..no response.

Then he responded the next day. Am I overeacting? I make the time for him, but he take less than one minute to answer a question for me.

I feel like if someone is talking to you in real life..and ask you a question, and you hear that question but ignore it. That's considered rude.

However..over texting..isn't that rude too?

View related questions: long distance, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

haha. first he was never my boyfriend. We just had great chemistry together and love talking to each other.

2nd..maybe i am PMSing and is super sensitive.

3rd..it's not the first time we arrange to get together and he blew me off. It just shows me that he's really not into me and I really don't want to waste my time with someone who doesn't care.

btw. I always text him before i call is because he's never alone, and i want to make sure he's alone before we can talk. If he really wanted to talk to me he would've of called me back, but he never did. Oh well.

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A female reader, happytochat Australia +, writes (1 August 2008):

Yes, that is def rude!!!

People who purposly wait a day or even more to repond to a text are playing a power game. They want to be in control and make them self feel needed and wanted badly. They usualy suffer from an inferiority complex.

Let me tell you a story....

My sister met a guy through a friend. They used to chat a bit here and there. He asked for her number. For a while the ywould text, but he would always take DAYS to respond. Sometimes even 5 days. He would never say 'sorry i took so long to reply', neverless have some excuse or reason. He didnt see anything wrong with it. To me, that was red warning signs he was a loser because they werent even dating yet and he was slipping up majorly.

Anyway then they started dating and he didnt get any better. He would take days to reply and he did check his phone regularly and he did have credit. He had no justification for what he did. When my sister confronted him about it, he dumped her, think she was 'needy'. What a jerk i think!!

A decent person who had genuine feelings for someone would reply faster.

I can understand if you are busy at the time when you get the message and make a point to text back later. But if this happens many times and the time to reply is very long, ie more then 12-24 hours, i would say thats un reasonable.

Its even more unreasonable when you are asking an important question.

I can understand if say you are out with friends and you get a text from your bf/gf just making casual conversation. You may not reply straight away becaus eyou dont want to have a text conversation as it could b rude. But if they ask one important question, its ok to reply.

Thats my views. I think you deserve so much better then that guy!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

I know your finished babes, and that was the right decision for you. But in this situation I agree with him. I might have a couple of minutes to read a text, but it would be totally bad manners for me to be in company with somebody and start writing a message whilst they are talking to me. If you and he was on a date together, how would you feel if he started writing answers to all the texts that came in? Anyway, all's well that ends well, this guy is not for you, he dosen't share your values about this texting thing.

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2008):

duskyrowe agony auntIf you appear too needy this can scare guys. What is wrong with phoning each other?

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2008):

Jamer70 agony auntI hardly ever text back straight away unless i have to and its urgent, otherwise i leave it til i can be bothered really. Though i not a big talker in a LDR texting cant replace talking, so how about you send him a text saying when your gonna call him or call him when you know hes free, so you can talk as hearing anothers voice is better than words on a screen

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you for your responses.

Yes he did recieve it..because he texted back the next day.

he said "sorry i know it was inconsiderate of me".

He said he was talking/drinking with his cousin.

The thing is I don't care if he does. At least let me know. and not keep me waiting..it only takes a second. It shows me that I mean nothing to him. That he doesn't care.

I ended it with him because if he does this now...it'll only get worse.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

I guess this sort of situation is a consequence of our modern lives. In the good old days an occasional love letter would suffice.

I dont think it is rude not to text back straight away since people are busy and there is so much one can say to each other. In my last relationship I fell into the trap of using the number of emails and time taken to respond as a measure of our love for each other. This put too much pressure on the relationship and that was the end of that. My advice is to do the same as he does. If he dosent have a problem with it then everthing is fine. However, the odd "I love you" text is always nice to read.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

Ummmm ... I think you're overreacting. It's not rude. There's no rule that says you have to respond to a txt msg the minute it's received. First of all, it takes less time to read a msg than to reply. Esp if you want to think of smthg good to say. Second, just b/c he has his phone w/ him doesn't mean he immediately reads everything that comes in. Third, ... he's not on a leash.

It sounds to me like you're feeling insecure and are looking for a way to make this "wrong" somehow. Well, whatever. You know what? Maybe he would reply more quickly if he were really into you. My guess is, that's probably true. Then again, maybe he's SOOOO into you that he's nervous it's over the top, and he's trying to be cool/play a little hard to get by not responding IMMEDIATELY to all text msgs sent.

I think responding within a day is fine, esp if he sometimes responds right away. There aren't, like, hard and fast rules of etiquette attached to the time associated w/ txt msg replies. If you really need an answer, call him - you obviously have cell phones, and long distance on cell phones is free.

It sounds to me like you're trying to manipulate him.

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (1 August 2008):

Yes, it's rude! And I know exactly how you feel, I was seeing someone just like that. No, you're not overreacting--he's being a jerk. With guys like that, at least in my experience, you can't be nice to them. I tried to be overly nice and act like, "it's ok, no big deal...don't care." Apparently, they need a reality check that it's rude and if you're not worth their time, then they're certainly not worth yours.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

If he read and didn't reply to your text, it means he doesn't care about you and yes it is quite rude.

However, are you sure he didn't text back? Sometimes, the text get delayed and he might not know about it. Or it is just the way he is?

I am a guy who prefer to talk when there is doubts especially if the opponent is someone I loved dearly. In my opinion, you should express your concern.

I know he can lie to you even if you asked but in a relationship, I trust whatever my partner told me unless I see it with my own eyes.

Good luck

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