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Is it right that he leaves me hanging like this?

Tagged as: Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 July 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 16 July 2010)
A female Norway age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My long distance boyfriend and I meet over the internet to talk. We had a huge row about a week ago, and we didn't talk for about a week. Then yesterday we got to talk again and things were fine. I had my hopes up that things were going better between us. Because of the time difference there is a limited amount of time we get to see each other. He said he'd be online again today (at night my time, afternoon his time), and I sent him a message saying I would meet him. Then he messaged me, just before I got on, that he was going to go to a baseball game with his dad (whom he lives with).

Now I am crying my eyes out because I had so much I wanted to tell him, so much I had planned to say, I was even talking to myself today about what I wanted to say to him. I even ran home to get online in time, I suddenly had a fear he wouldn't be there even though he told me he would.

And now he proves my fears right, he is not here for me. So, is he not being there when I need him to, or is he justified in leaving me hanging?

View related questions: long distance, the internet

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010):

Hi.

First and foremost beware of internet friends. Not all of them are genuine. Not all of the are serious and most people use the internet to pass time. I am a victim of such internet dating but at last i had my luck.

Take your time, give him time also to think things over. Let both of you create time and then you meet and discuss. Let him know how and what you feel for him and then judge his reactions. If he is interested in a long term relationship you will automatically know.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (16 July 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntDoes he know that you had this whole raft of things to tell him?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (16 July 2010):

LDR's take a huge amount of commitment. A huge amount. I've been in one with one girlfriend, and it didn't work out because she wasn't ready for something that committed. So it ended. I'm now in another, where we both work very hard to see each other as much as possible, and it's lasted well over a year and is still going strong.

I think your boyfriend's actions over this have said all you need to know about him. You had a huge row a week ago, and this was something that needed to be fixed by you two meeting and talking and spending time together. Right up to the last minute, he knew you were coming. Then he decided that he would suddenly change his mind and go to a baseball game? That's not good enough at all, when you're in an LDR and you've had a row. When I had a row with my girlfriend, I went up to her to sort it out the next weekend, and we worked it out. I didn't go hide at a sports venue.

You'd planned all those things you were going to say, and then at the last minute he blew you off for a sports game. Realistically, I think that says all you need to know. I don't think this guy is committed enough that you can have a successful LDR. I think you would be better moving on from him now and saving yourself more pain. He put sports before you after you'd had an argument even though he said he'd meet. That's pretty low. I think you can do better.

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