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Is it possible to leave everything behind and start a new life?

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Question - (21 July 2008) 21 Answers - (Newest, 7 March 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:


i have a very honest question to ask you and would like some honest opinions!

i am a 21 year old girl, quite pretty with a pleasant,gentle and unique personality!

at this point in my life i should be brimming with excitement, boys and nights out with friends!

that is my problem none of those things are happening!

i feel so low, i have no friends to speak of, since i lost all contact with my school friends! College never worked out for me and as a result i never went to uni! therefore i got stuck in a dead end job at a supermarket!

i have had one boyfriend, i began going out with him at 18 and broke up with him last year, we were together two and a half years

i still see him as a friend, he is the only true friend i have but sometimes he makes me feel like a nuisance!

i feel like i have buggered up my life royally!

i have achieved nothing,if i died now there would be nothing to show i had been alive!

The thing i dream of is just leaving and starting again with a clean slate, i would change my name,enrol in an evening course,get a new job,get my own place amd just start again!

has anyone ever done this and it worked out?

the only thing stopping me is my family!

they are good honest people, they love me but they hold me back in so many ways they worry to much. That is why i never went out when i was in my teens because i could never relax as i knew they would be at home waiting for me, worrying! i think i then got stuck in a rut of not going out and it became to hard to go out!

i do not blame my parents, i am thier youngest child they are bound to worry about me!

i just feel like this life has nothing left to offer me and i need to do this for myself but i wouldnt want my parents to know where i was, it would be a total clean slate! i've reached a dead end and i have to do something about it!

I just want to fit in, ive even looked into joining a commune or something to fit in!

please offer me some advice

is it possible to leave everything behind and start a new life?

thankyou for your time

View related questions: broke up

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011):

Yes you can do this. You can do anything you set your mind to. If you are unhappy with your life change it, but stop using so many exclamtion marks in your sentences. No-one talks like that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011):

hi, I understand completely. I want to do the same. I don't have a dad, and my mum abandoned me. I have a brother, and lately, I am just a waist of space in his eyes. I break into tears every night... I have a sister who loves me, but I get to that point that I think she is better off without me. I am so desperate to find where I fitin. I am so lonely in this world. So destroyed. I want to leave and never come back. I sometimes have thought of just ending my life. But its the cowards way out. But sometimes I dontthink anyone would actually notice if I did leave. And I certainly don't feel like I matter at all. I hurt all the time, and I want too be happy. But I don't remember how too be. I don't remember how to love, because I haven't felt it in so long....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010):

i want to do the same thing...... my name is nathan i am twenty one and like all the stuff you said is how i feel.

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A male reader, Hippieman182 United Kingdom +, writes (4 June 2010):

Hippieman182 agony auntWow, almost everything you said i can say the same for me. I'm almost 20 now and been single for 2 years. Find it hard meeting people i connect with and just want to start somewhere new where nobody knows me. To do with your education i've done the exact same with the same circumstances. All i can say to you is if you want something enough go for it and try to put yourself first every now and then because if not, you'll end up regretting your decisions. Best of luck to you and if you need anyone to talk to email me on [email address blocked]

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010):

It is a very good idea, but first you should talk to your family about it... and i don't mean talking to them in order to get permition, i mean telling them how much you love them, that you'd stay in touch but it is a thing you feel very right about... If they're as nice as you described them - they'll understand

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010):

im doing that now. im graduating with a two year degree in may and transferring/ moving outside of America. Deleting facebook, myspace...every social thing that connects me. changing my phone number and just leaving everything behind. the only people i want to keep in contact with is my mom and sister. since high school let out i only consider 3 people my friends...the rest are people i may say hi or bye to. im excited because im starting over again. ive just dont/havent really found anyone or anything that keeps me from staying in one place. we are young so why not?

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A male reader, Boombadaboom Belgium +, writes (20 January 2010):

Boombadaboom agony auntI think you’re brave because I really truly feel what you’re going through and it’s hard to deal with. I barely hold on not letting anyone see and it’s become automatic and it’s killing me.

I'm just going to answer two simple honest things:

Yes it is and if you're going to, take me with you

I can not believe i actually ended up like this because there is so so much good around and it just doesn’t seem to collide with me.

Your post is so similar to me… you can sincerely stick these things on me too… your mere supermarket job (i currently work in one too =P), your description of yourself, your disheart, your lack of things happening, your feelings, your dreams, your going out, your friends, loss of contact, loss of heart, loss of love, your college, even the age when you wrote this. Of course I have a handful of different stuff too but this is really serious stuff :/

I can show a few good things for my life but it’s been so stupid and a drag on other times. I tried really hard to make a life and it came naturally but I never got the chance to lift of in it which I really needed.

I know that if I can just get one spark, one totally different setting, with a little luck I can make it. I’ve got an ocean of love and stuff inside of me that’s dying to come out.

My family held me back too, incredibly hard in fact, only I think I'm further down that road than you which is kind of not my favourite thing.

My current friends all like me for who I am, even though they don’t really see me under the surface yet since I grew tired of letting people in because I wouldn’t even know where to begin explaining. I nearly cut of all my old friends because it reminds me too much, even though most of them weren’t involved in my troubles. A handful amazing ones are still left in my life.

I’ve dreamed of starting of with a clean slate infinite times and actually went for it but then of course because of stupid issues fell back which I definitely wont be influenced by again.

And I can feel it, if I can get just one spark, one chance…

I can really be lifted away in an indescribably great life. I’d change my name too in an instance. I’d do so múch in an instance if I just got to the place where I needed to be.

It’s just, I’ve realised that I can't do it entirely alone and just like you I lack the truly great friends and support.

It’s like layer after layer of tough breaks have covered me and it’s like my core is almost imploding to break free but if I do it here, I know it will be way too risky because…

It’s like freeing a bunny in a lion’s cage… Who knows if it will be able to find its way and be happy :(

I know that I can love my life with my whole heart, I can change my name with a flick of my fingers and I can be the best of person I can be if I just got the opportunity to open up my heart entirely and leave my armour aside

I wish I’d got somebody to lead me the way and I’d be all the same things back. And I wish I could truly open up to that person because I’m sure it won’t be a disappointment.

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A male reader, Waye2go? Canada +, writes (14 January 2010):

Wow everything you just said related to me so much,really makes me feel good to not be alone with the same feelings.When i was in high school everythinh seemed to be okay because i was surounded by people who had to be there as well.Now that im out of high school i relized just how lonely i am,and i struggle everyday to go out and even socialize with people,like you said i woory alot and if i died as well i feel like id just be forgoten.Aswell im a good looking kid lol (dont wanna sound cocky)and people invite me out but i dont seem to enjoy many things anymore,which i dont understand cause im so young i should be out having fun.Aswell i have a crappy poop of a job which i hate and im not going anywhere in life fast and its constantly in my mind.ive got alot more to say but not very good a expreessing myself via paragraphs.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009):

ok you know what you are in the same exact place i am in but i'm 18. i was just wondering the same thing if i should just leave no firends no nothing i'm not depressed or anything but i think i should start a new. i think you should go for it a change of scenery would be great just know you are not alone and though your family may care they should hold you back =) keep in touch

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A male reader, Caspian461 United Kingdom +, writes (13 December 2009):


Check out the sunseed project in Spain. Just type sunseed into google.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009):

Hey ive seen it is a long time ago you asked the question but i have only just read it and found it very weird as i find myself in pretty much the exact same situation just got here a different way, I am a guy of 23 and find that i have the same problems that you have and was wadering how/if it has worked out for you, and if it has if there is any advice that you could nowoffer, its a really long shot but who knows?

I think the only major differenceis that whats holding me back is money, if i had enough i would most certainly be gone by now and would of started my new life, as i dont have a close family, and no real friends just people i know, to be honest im really down and have run low on energy fighting what seems like a losing battle with life, and find it weird as i used to have "friends" even lived with some at one point went out all the time and was always the life of a party feel like i have grown up much quicker than my piers and am now alone, anyway any insite you could give would be awesome

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009):

People start over all the time. Each day is a new day; it is a gift. Each day we unwrap it to see what's inside and then go from there. Sometime it's "another scarf or tie", and sometime it's a free ticket for a roller coaster ride! My suggestion is to make your change in small bites. What's your morning like? Try getting up early and greeting the sun, maybe even issuing a grateful good morning to its maker. Have a cool refreshing glass of water then do some deep breathing and slow stretching to feel yourself waking up. Eat a healthy breakfast and if you don't have an obligation to attend, go for a brisk walk or jog. Hear the song the birds are singing to you, feel the divine breath blow through your hair as a fresh morning breeze. Open your eyes and look around... What does your community need? Can you provide it? What resources are available to you? Ever consider volunteering, opportunities abound! Volunteering not only helps others, but it helps the volunteer too! And you get to meet lots of great people. If none of that appeals and you can't quite motivate yourself, sign-up to be motivated; join the military - that'll get you all sorts of new experiences, discipline, and experience, and you'll be serving your country while seeing it... Who knows, some interesting assignment might land you right where you wanna be, whether you re-enlist or not. Of course there's always stuff like the Peace Corps/Americorps and other humanitarian orgs. The bottom line ironically enough is a marketing slogan... Just do it! Watch the Bucket List and Yes Man and get their messages: Stop saying no to life and live it. Get beyond yourself and good things will come to you. May the blessings of peace, joy and prosperity be yours. -K

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A male reader, sheperd United States +, writes (8 July 2009):

Hi there!

It's never to late your in a rut we all have them from time to time.

My suggestion is this. get on your computer and look up dude ranching jobs in another country for the next season. I live in Montana and it's to late in the season to do it this year but there are several in MT,WY,CO,NM to name a few. Usually you only have to worry about the air fare and then all the rest is taken care off as far as food lodging ect.

I live in a small town where the tourist industry is big for dude ranching. You can do anything from cleaning and serving food to working out side all day.

Every year we get young people from all over the globe that come out and do these sort of things. Some of them stay after the season is over and get jobs and live for awhile other's go back home with great stories a breath of fresh air and a new out look on life.

Another option if you dont want to wait to long is the winter ski season. The same applies, you come over and work and have a great working vacation.

Like I said I live in MT so I could maybe give you a hand if intersted. drop me a line if you like and I'll see what I can do.

Reaserch MT and some of the other states and see what appeal's to you. If MT looks like something you'd be into drop me a line I have alot of good friends in this particular industry and might be able to point you in the right direction.

I hope this will help I know that sometimes moving and getting away from it all is a big help, it can also make you look at your own situation in a different light. It def. helped me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009):

I know how you feel, i feel just the same, lonely.

there is no other way to describe it, for years ive been unhappy, failed my college course, got a crap job, lost that now, done a degree to meet new people but now that this has finished i didn't find any freinds there, not true friends, i rarely speak or see them now, so basically i done a degree just to meet people and it failed. now i am jobless, lonely and living at home, my life sucks. i would love to make a fresh start, not brave enough and plus i wouldnt know where to go in this world. whoever made the choice to start a new life are so much braver than i am. i'm very underweight and this is one of the reasons why i dont fit in or brave enough to meet people and i am very shy person, plus the one thing that i hate most is that i am angry, so angry because my life is crap and deep down i deserve better, just wish that i could walk away and make a fresh start, maybe one day.

You'll be ok, just figure out what you want out of your time and be brave and see where it leads.

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A female reader, katiecol United Kingdom +, writes (28 June 2009):

hey i really feel for you as i used to be in the same situation, after i left uni i didn't stay with the crowd i had hung out with during uni, and found myself kind of alone. i still hung out with the couple of school friends i had stayed in touch with and saw my brother and sister;s friends but i didn't really have a 'crew' so to speak! and i only saw those friends now and then, as they assumed i was mostly hanging out with my own uni friends like they were, and i was too embarrassed to tell them different and admit how i was actually pretty lonely. i missed having a group. but basically, i had kept in touch with a girl from uni who i had been friends with, though not close, and we met up a couple of times to go surfing which we were both into at uni, and started seeing a whole group of people i had kind of known at uni through her, and they just kind of became the people i most enjoy hanging out with. So basically all it takes is one person to introduce you to a load more and you're away! it can seem impossible if there isn't that one person who can introduce you to others, and i'm guessing you're maybe a bit shy, but the best way is just to start something new. moving in to a house share is a good way to start mixing, also working in a bar you meet loads of people. don't get disheartened if it doesn't happen straight away, sometimes it takes time to find people you like and enjoy being with. just do something new, branch out!please let me know how you get on! good luck kate

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A male reader, acoustic_jc United States +, writes (29 April 2009):

I am going through the same thing right now. I am 22 and work pretty much full time, but its like college just passed me by. I am enrolled for summer classes to gget started, but I still have no idea what i want to go for. The thought of college scars the hell out of me because its one more step to perminent life change. I have a similar family like you. My high school years were ok i guess but my parents worried alot so it made it hard to go out. I moved out with my freinds after high school and it was fun and all but i ended up moving back home because we all got at eachothers throats and we just saw too much of eachother. Everyday for a long time now i have been wanting to move away and start over. It feels like the only way out. My friends are growing farther apart from me and i feel completely alone most of the time. I am single and havent dated in a while cause of my struggle with finding out what i want and need to do. Is it really supposed ot be this hard? I feel like im never going to get out of this rut. The only thing that calms me down is either playing guitar or some of my fav movies or music. My life right now now has hit a dead end completely and i feel trapped. All i can say is i definetely feel for you. I dont see myself as a loser either though. I know i have alot to offer the world. I think on such a deep basis alot of the time that its almost overwhelming, not many people understand. Please let me know if you ended up moving away or if you found happiness wher you live now.

Best regards,


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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009):


Dont worry--I would suggest better you find new partner/BF and start dating with will really 4gt your past and have a sex,if possible do smoke and drink.


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A female reader, FRNY86 United States +, writes (24 March 2009):

Maybe you are scared. You have to step out of your shell and go for what you want. You sound like a very bright girl I'm sure you do have friends somewhere, you just have to think. Be your own hero, don't be afraid to say hey lets go out, we should celebrate Friday Night. One thing I learned in life is that the peices are right on front of you, you just have to put themn together. I say don't just throw your life away, but make the most of it, make some changes, and grab the bull by the horns. Sit down and talk to your family, show them you will be alright because it sounds to me lie there is nothing wrong with you. If you want new friends, get new friends. Don't be shy, be yourself. You are on the right track, just be confident. You are only 21, your life is just starting. As for school, maybe you weren't studying what you wanted. What do you want? What did you like to do growing up? What gets you in your core? Do research and see what you can do with that! Girl it's life! Live it! Just have a good heart whie you are at it, I can't stress that enpough.

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A male reader, Wild Thaing Canada +, writes (30 July 2008):

Wild Thaing agony auntYou grow when you finally choose to step beyond your comfort zone. Any energy spent not stepping out of your comfort zone (like complaining about things you can clearly change but are afraid to do so) is a waste, a drain. If you choose to waste your energy in this way, you will suck the life out of yourself.

No one has responsibility for your choices but you. When you come to own the consequences of your choices you will see your life in a completely different light. Good luck and take care.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008):

Yes you can walk out leave it all behind, do it now before it's too late. Family? They can be replaced! Get new friends, get a haircut, change your name, walk out on the old you and reinvent yourself.... nobody else is going to do it for you.

Don't listen to the psycho babble about finding your inner happiness, you are an adult if you want to change your life and begin anew then just do it.

Buy an airline ticket, fly somewhere get a bar job, meet new friends find a lover and LIVE your life.You can come back one day, what's stopping you?... it should at least make for some intersting stories to tell when you are old.

Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008):

Oh, sweetheart, you are far too young to call yourslf or your life "buggered" or wasted. So college did not suit you,.. so what? There are other schools for practical job skills. Most of us just wind up going to work every day, no matter what kind of diploma or degree we have. But, it is good to be able to pick and choose our jobs as much as we can. You can if you get the right skills. You may feel in a "rut" now, but hon, you are so young...(sighing), You have an entire life ahead. You should be shouting joyous lyrics from the roof-tops....(smile). Ohhhh...Stay with your present job, but look for courses you can take to get some other skills. And get out and meet some people your age! And, it is difficult to start a "new life" from scratch. I suppose it may be easier for guys/blokes. I did at your age...younger,..but it was hard, and it took a long time to get where I wanted to be...and I made mistakes...I aged a lot before my time. You don't want to do that. And stay close to your family. They are very important. I gave mine much unnecessary grief. I am sorry for that they are gone. I did apologize, but it just was not enough..not for me. Be strong, but be wishes,

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