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Is it ok to want other men to find you attractive if you are in a relationship?

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Question - (21 June 2010) 14 Answers - (Newest, 22 June 2010)
A female Ireland age 36-40, *amielle writes:

My boyfriend and I are best friends and we are very open with each other. He has told me on a few occasions that his friends think im beautiful. I am very flattered by this.

The truth is although I love my boyfriend very much and would never cheat on him, I do like attention from other men.

I would never flirt with his friends and do not fancy any othem, yet I do find myself wanting to look good when I am around them. I want to look good around all men.

I was at a party recently, sitting around a table with my boyfriend and his friends. I felt nervous and could feel eyes on me so I wanted to look attractive so I pouted a bit.

Do other women out there ever feel the same??

View related questions: best friend, flirt

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A female reader, BunnyTee United States +, writes (22 June 2010):

BunnyTee agony auntThat it does, Cindy, that it does. Provided you're not getting attitude all over the room, that is. No one hands it out, you bust your butt for it. So if you've worked for it, and earned it, what's the point of trying to conceal it? Look *good* all you want. I personally, see no reason to do the simpering pout thing, finding it unattractive. CONFIDENCE is the best beauty secret of all time!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (21 June 2010):

CindyCares agony aunt I thought all women felt the same ! Who is who wants to look unattractive after all ? Around men, around women, around hermaphrodites...perhaps it's nature, perhaps it's culture...anyway it just feels good looking good, doesn't it, Bunny Tee ?:)

Don't go overboard with the pout,though. You are doing what the French call a "moue" and it's very cute when it's natural, when you are born with it- like Brigitte Bardot. If it's clearly studied and practiced at home- much less cute .

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (21 June 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntYou might want to look in the mirror to make sure you look okay, but that sounds innocuous enough. Keep in mind that making that face and making long eye contact with someone could be misconstrued.

Personally, I prefer smiles and natural relaxed facial expressions, but whatever makes you feel confident and attractive should probably be okay. Just watch that eye contact!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

if it suits you and you think its attractive then yes. i see nothing wrong with that, mal

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

I have a really funny image of someone sat a party just pouting, lol.

Anyway I think it's normal to want attention frm other guys but as long as you can make it clear you're unavailabke and don't think you will cheat

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A female reader, samielle Ireland +, writes (21 June 2010):

samielle is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I just mean a kinda sexy confident look, slightly pursed lips?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

Of course it's normal, most of us guys are like that too, when we're able to be. I always want to look my best when I'm out with my girlfriend and her friends. I always get compliments from them and my girlfriend tells me which ones said I was cute etc. The same works for her when she's out with my friends.

She dresses even sexier when she's going on a girls night out and she gets a lot of attention from guys.

It's all about feeling good and knowing your boundries, just make sure you don't get carried away and start getting overly flirty with guys, always make sure that they know you're unavailable and not to try anything. This is easily accomplished by bringing up your boyfriend in conversations, most guys will take the hint.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

to be honest im not a big fan of pouting...it looks immature to me...and i like to be real in my dealings...im open and friendly, smiling and laughing....so pouting is something i dont find attractive. maybe the other aunts can help you out...mal

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A female reader, BunnyTee United States +, writes (21 June 2010):

BunnyTee agony auntDefine : "pout" for us?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (21 June 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntAre you talking about making that duck-face like Victoria Beckham with the 'pout a little bit'? Perhaps you could be clearer about that. I personally think the duck-face is bizarre looking, but then I'm not a young man, who might find contorted lips interesting or appealing somehow.

I think it's perfectly fine to dress well, carry yourself with confidence.

My husband has told me that men derive a great deal of satisfaction from having an attractive woman as a date/mate/partner, it's almost a status symbol. I think that's why so many men keep trading in their wives for younger models.

There's a balance, looking good/confident versus dressing provocatively with clear intent to tease or provoke. That being said, each culture has its own mores that more or less dictate what people, especially women, can or cannot wear. Or the woman is categorized by what she wears. In some cultures, bare shoulders will get honks and shouted comments, they're considered about as revealing as bare breasts.

I think your guy would be proud to have you looking good by his side. He probably wouldn't be so proud if you wore no undies, a short skirt and continually crossed and uncrossed your legs dramatically in front of his friends. Balance.

Just don't make that ridiculous duck-face and think that you're going to look good; they'll probably wonder what you ate for breakfast!

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A female reader, samielle Ireland +, writes (21 June 2010):

samielle is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Is it ok to pout a little in front of your boyfriends friends? (I have no intentions, just want to look nice) This is my first relationship. Thanks for all the comments so far:)

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A female reader, BunnyTee United States +, writes (21 June 2010):

BunnyTee agony auntI see nothing wrong with your wanting to look attractive, whatsoever. I think it's a great idea! I'm much older than you are, but I still bust it hard to maintain myself and defy gravity. I always try to look good. Even if it's around my husband's friends. I wouldn't want to embarrass my husband by looking like a unkempt slob. So what if you're high maintenance? I am and wouldn't have it any other way! Just because you take pains to look good, doesn't mean you're out to cheat at every given moment. I see nothing wrong with it at all! Work it, girl, use what you've got while you still have it!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

of course we do...how do you think the clothing and makeup industry survived...

we walk with a swing in our hips we wear lip gloss etc...because we like to feel sexy. we arent looking to cheat, or to even really flirt...just to feel attractive to the opposite sex. and truth be known i am also honest enough to admit i want women to think im attractive too. im not looking for relationships...im really not that vain...but yes i like it and its ok. mal

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A male reader, Kama New Zealand +, writes (21 June 2010):

Kama agony auntI'm not a woman, but this seems to be very normal. Just because your with someone doesn't mean that everyone else suddenly disappears. I wouldn't feel guilty or strange about it; as long as you are honest with yourself about your intentions, it seems just fine. Best to you

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