A
male
age
26-29,
*andom_teen97
writes:Okay, so I'm at the age of 19 and I have found myself falling for my family member named Rachel. She is not far behind me in age, in fact, less than a year younger. We both attend the same church, a Pentecostal church and she happens to be my second cousin which would mean we share the same great-grandparent. I feel crucially warm and soft-hearted and all I want to do when I'm around her is just smile and look at her(Not sexually). And I am around her constantly. In all honesty I do not know, because of my lack of skill with understanding women, if she is into me at all or has the same feelings as me. Even if she does, one problem I have is that her father is the pastor of my church. He is my 'first cousin removed'. And I do not know what they, or her, would think if they found out I was in love with their daughter or my second cousin. What do I do? Honestly, just to add to it, we were at a friends house the other day and it was their birthday party and Rachel and her family came as well as mine. The host family had an infant who was still bottle feeding and has not said first words yet, and Rachel was holding her(Casey)and when I saw her holding the baby I felt almost in tears seeing how gentle she is with a newborn baby with such a motherly instinct. I couldn't stop smiling and all I wanted to do was overlap my arms on top of hers as if the baby was held by both of us and for me to whisper in Rachel's ear that I love her. I know that it sounds really odd for me to feel that way but I want to be with her but I don't know what to do because of how I'm related to her. and keep in mind this has gone on for over a year now
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male
reader, random_teen97 +, writes (18 October 2016):
random_teen97 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea, i guess you all are right. I just pray for the Lords will to be done whichever way it goes. Thank you all for the inputs
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 October 2016):
 Am not sure never having a boyfriend at the age off 18 is all that rare in fairness. Anyway follow the advice you have been giving and get this fantasy out off your head. Be realistic, how would your family react? How would her family react? Am sure the reactions would not be positive ones and you may end up causing a lot of arguments. Then what happens if things don't work out? Families torn apart. Really there is to much that could go wrong here.
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A
male
reader, random_teen97 +, writes (16 October 2016):
random_teen97 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOf course! I talk to her all the time and she smiles at me all the time. And i feel like she might like me back but the ONLY reason i dont ask her is because...shes never had a boyfriend. Never been kissed either. Which doesnt bother me but its just something rare to see
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (16 October 2016):
 You have a crush, pure and simple. It doesn't matter that it has gone on for over a year. You haven't even asked this girl out on a date, yet you are already fantasizing about a life together. That is a crush, although I do not say this to take away from your feelings, because I am sure they are very strong and seem very real. It is not love though. Love comes from knowing someone and sharing a life together. Why don't you try to get nearer to this girl? Do you even talk to her? Make a point of striking up conversations. Ask her if she fancies going for a coffee or something. Nothing heavy, just friends. That should give you a fair indication if she is even interested in you. If she is, then you need to be open about your relationship (you have nothing to be ashamed of) and court her properly. Find out what she wants out of life, whether it is compatible with how you would like your life to develop. Only then will you know whether you are in love.Good luck. I hope it works out for you.
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A
male
reader, random_teen97 +, writes (16 October 2016):
random_teen97 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell its not that i plan on marrying her at the moment as much as it is that i have dated many girls but none shared the same values and principles as i do like she does. And she acts so different around me than she does evryone else and i wonder if she wants me to know that. At the current time i have no plans of becoming a husband at 19 most definately. I have a lot to learn and much experience in myself to go. But the main reason i ask is that i constantly think of her and feel the need to pray about "us" or whoever it os that God has in store for me and i feel she may be it but almost as if i have to wait for her...which im greatly more than willing to do.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (16 October 2016):
 You sound like a really nice guy and I hope things work out for you! However, let's get down to the practicalities. You're just 19, it's way too young to be thinking about marriage. What you want at 19 may not necessarily be what you want at 25. It also seems like you have a very restricted, small world and it's the people in your church that constitute your universe. The fact that you're second cousins doesn't make things any easier and you don't even know if she feels the same way about you.
Focus on studies and a career for now. If you ask for her hand and her father were to ask you how you plan to support her, what would your response be? If in a few years time you still feel the same way and she feels the same for you too, then you can consider marriage and see where it goes from there.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (16 October 2016):
 Honestly, I don't think it's wise to pursue this infatuation. "In love" is mutual, which is why you need to be realistic and understand that it's a crush. You're close to her and admire the lady she is, which would be better used to find you an unrelated girlfriend.
It's normal to have crushes on inappropriate people - teachers, cousins, therapists, etc., but you have to act appropriately. Even when it's legal to be with relatives, it's unwise because a break up could destroy the family ties.
I think you should focus on finding someone new, who has the qualities you like, and let the crush on your cousin fade.
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