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Is it ok to be dating my cousin?

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 August 2007) 40 Answers - (Newest, 28 December 2009)
A female United States age 22-25, *ovexgurl19 writes:

My boyfriend is my cousin, what do you think about that? We are in love, and I know people critize us, because its impossible, but when I am with him, I feel so good, so perfect. I mean I could date other guys and he could date other girls. But theres no guy like him, I love everything about him. And he feels the same way.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009):

There is nothing wrong with that, if you are in love then it shouldn't matter. Ignore what other people say, and i hope you are very happy. I am also dating my cousin and i feel exactly the same way that you do about yours. Soon we are getting married and hopefully will settle down soon. I wish you the best in the future.

Anisa.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009):

10th cousin is so far out that you'd have to go back about 400 years or so to find a common ancestor. Remember, even Obama and Cheney are 8th cousins...

The line is usually drawn around 4th cousins, by the 4th gen, ppl are so far out separated that they're no different than two strangers on the street...

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A female reader, ;;just wish it was right;; United States +, writes (27 December 2009):

;;just wish it was right;; agony aunti think its alright. i recently began having feelings for my cousin, however i think i will keep them in the voult bc of family discrimination. ): im afraid that with them knowing tht they will dis own me, however could they go along and would he aprove ?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009):

NO!! It is not alright to date family. Just because people are doing it does not make it right. You are a human being and not a farm animal, this type of behaviour can only end in heart break and possibly deformed children. Think about it, you are dating someone with you parents blood flowing through his veins. First it's a cousin, then it's a sibling, then why not your parents? It is sick and unhealthy and a dangerous practice for the human race. Settling for your cousin is just that .... settling. It is the easy way to a relationship. Don't settle, find someone else, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

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A male reader, Christopher Morgan United States +, writes (24 December 2009):

I'm 15 and my cousin is 13, I've knowen her all my life. When we were smaller we used to spend alot of time together. I've liked her every since the first time I actually knew what love is. It's way more then like! I dont even think it's love, I look at it as something I cant explain. Around age 10 I had the biggest crush on her, that crush grew. I turned 11 I felt a little more then a crush. 12 came around I just knew she was the one for me! When I was thirteen I could honestly call my feelings love. Now I'm 15 going on 16 and my love is still going on for her. I can honestly say without lying, she's the one for me. She's my soulmate! Everytime I've went around her I felt soemthing. I felt something like she had feelings back. I was emmbaress to say anything for the longest time. Finally I thought maybe I can tell her, maybe it'd help, maybe she likes me back. Finally I sent her a message telling her how I felt, saying I think we should be together. She said something back that detroyed my heart! She called me nasty, incest and all kinds of names. She said that she felt different about me now. I waited till I was alone and cryed my eyes out. I cryed till me eyes ran dry! It was the most I ever cryed in a lifetime. I've never cryed so much before, not even at a funeral. It felt like she took my heart and squeezed it all to hell. I cry almost everytime I think about that time that came upon me! I questian God why, why God why? Why cant we be together, are we just not ment? I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl, I promise I'll do whatever it takes. Not even God gave me a reply! Then I thought maybe if I talk to her closest friends, they'll help me out. I told them and they just laughed and called me names also. So I tryed telling others! I told friends and some family. I told my uncle & another cousin, they actually didn't laugh. They told me it that it happens everyday, people cant help who they love. I respected them more then for listening! & Honestly and truthfully NO you cant help who you fall in love with. It's not my fault were cousins, it my heart that gives me these feelings. I'm not saying I wish we werent cousins, because us being cosuins even pulls me closer to her. I know it'd be way harder to hurt her knowing she's my own blood and flesh relation. I just want to let her and whoevers reading this know, I'd do anything for her. I'd jump in front of a car to push her out of sight, knowing I only have time to move her and not me. I'd take my life for her but get no respect back, I wanna spend the rest of my life with her. I dont anyone else! & I wont have anyone else, I just hope one day things will chang

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009):

It's nice that everyone seems to believe in 'if it feels good, do it'. But deep down you all have to know that it is not okay to love, date, sleep with, have feelings for...your own flesh and blood cousin. If you really thought that it was okay, you wouldn't go online looking for someone to tell you that it was or was not right. Or okay.

My sister is dating my first cousin. We grew up w/ him. We spent summers together, every summer. Until they both got hooked on drugs and decided to love each other more than they should. It has tore my family apart. B/c unlike every person on this website, Im not going to believe that it is okay. It's wrong. If it was right and supposed to be that way, then inbred children wouldn't come out with birth defects and serious problems.

So before you sit here and tell strangers that it is okay for them to date their cousins. Think about how it will affect not only them but their family. It has tore mine apart. And we were so close. If you think you love your cousin, get help. Don't put your family through hell b/c it feels good to you for the moment.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009):

it is perfectly fine to be dating your cousin, especially if your in love.i know exactly what you mean about people not understanding. my cousin and i have been together for about 7 months and we are so deep in love. we overcame the critics and are even stronger now.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009):

yes it is ok to date your cousin, as my cousin is my partner, and we are happy. its the best relationship ive been in. and we are first cousins,she is amazing. we never grew up together so we were like strangers,but still cousins have a special bond also, and wouldnt hurt there cousin in any way. anyway us cousins that are together have a far better loving relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009):

I am in love with my cousin. We are 3rd cousins and have only just found out our true feelings for each other.

When we were about 13 or 14 he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I told him we can't we are related. I felt so bad and I could see he was hurt.

After a few years, we didn't see each other so much and both ended up married to others. We just went on with our lives. Then just within the past few years we have started to see each other more at family gatherings,funerals, and other events.

It was only just a few weeks ago that we both were talking and both told each other that we had some very strong feelings for one another and wanted to take them to the next level. The only problem is that we are both still married and have alot to loose if this were to get out. But as I stated we still want to progress forward slowly.

This is very strange to us and we can't believe that we both feel the same way. I guess we will have to just go along for the ride and see what happens. All I know is that we both feel the same and it does feel very good. Oh what to do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009):

I'm dating my 5th cousin. I love him so much! He is so charming and sweet! I hate the fact we have to skip classes and pm over facebook just to keep in contact with each other! I havn't even told my parents yet, the only people that know are my close friends. I'm glad I can tell my friends, and also the fact they are okay with it. But I will tell you one thing though it will be very hard if you have really harsh parents Like mine. I can't tell them because they would freak out! I even liked him before I knew he was my cousin in fourth grade. He is just so compatible with me. We are both artistic and smart. Also some of the most smartest people in history has married their cousins.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009):

This may be a cleché answer, but "those that mind, don't matter, those that matter, don't mind"

and what happened to "love knows no bounds"?

As long as you're happy, then of course dating your cousin is fine. Many people do argue about the genetical side of things, but even the genius Einstein married his first cousin and had children and they turned out fine.

I used to ask myself that question when I was "seeing" my cousin and after talking it though with him, we decided to date even though we knew our parents were against it. Although we are dating in secret now, we know that one day we will have to come clean, but until then, we do whatever makes us happy, not what makes the family happy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009):

I have just started to go out with my first cousin, she is an amazing person and I have liked her for 3 years before I knew she was related to me, that itself is a long story, people saying it is wrong, should seriously keep their opinions to themselves, I am happy with my GIRLFRIEND because she makes me happy and vice versa.

DO NOT let people get you down, my friends have accepted it, our parents have accepted it. It may be strange at first but it becomes more and more normal as time goes on.

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009):

I met this guy my sophomore year of high school, dated for awhile and then went separate ways. May of my senior year, we started dating again. When I met his family for the first time, his mom told us we are third cousins. We were both shocked, we had no idea and had never seen each other at family gatherings. His family supports us, I on the other hand kept it from my mother and when she found out she flipped and now forbids me from seeing him. We fell in love before we knew we were cousins and decided to just continue dating for that reason. We recently broke up because of issues with my family.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. As long as its not your first cousin. I never knew how many people are actually in the same situation I am in and I feel better now. I was so depressed at first. You can't help who you fall in love with. According to science, everyone is 99% related some how. Follow your heart and do what it says.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009):

I feel that the whole male, Female balance is a little bit off so i'm posting this answer to even up the odds

Me and my cousin are in a similar situation; we both love each other and blah blah blah. But we both know how this will effect are family if we do date so we're not telling anyone and keeping it in the dark... this isn't helping any i just feel like telling someone this

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009):

Well i'm dating my 10th cousin and he's 15 and i'm 14. i met him over the fhone and we fell in love but at the time i didn't know he was my cousin and my moms thinks that we should brake up so i told her i was but then i thought bout how much i really loved him so i not going to and she doesn't no that but i dont give a damn what she said or anybody else about me dating him becaues i cant stop my feeings for him. This is my life and i'm living it to the fullest.

God said its ok becaues on Leviticus 18:6 said that "None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him,to uncover her neakness: I am the Lord"

so its ok as long as he/she is not your near kin.

but it happens you can fall n love with anybody love has no boundaries.

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A female reader, graciemuir United States +, writes (23 January 2009):

I am also in a relationship with my cousin and it has been 5 months and he is the most amazing person I have ever met I am deeply inlove with him...there is a connection with him that I have never had with any other ever...it is a hard road but if you feel your love is the real thing then take it all the way most people do not find their true love don't let it go...good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008):

everyone look... how many times can you find someone telling this girl not to date her cousin because of birth defects?! she already said she cant have kids anymore!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008):

My situation is a lot more complicated...I started talking to my cousin viathe internet. We saw each other maybe 3 times growing up and we only share the same grandmother. Here is were the twist is. I am currently married with children and he is currently living with someone. I cannot have anymore children; therefore, we don't have to worry about that. We live in different states (far apart) and we wer just goofing around a lot and then realized we were soulmates. We are talking about leaving our "others" for each other. I do not know what to do b/c it is my siblings and my children that I worry about a lot. Our family is so messed up that this just fits right in. I love him with all my heart and soul (I have dated a lot and have been married for years)I have finally found true love and this is the way it is.

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A male reader, just some guy United States +, writes (4 December 2008):

Yeah it is okay to date your cousin. Theres nothing wrong with it. This has been going on for thousands of years. Of coarse your parents arent gonna like it, but it is your decision.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008):

its nt lyk hes ur brother k?its legal k?wel wher i live newyz..so its totali fyn..chill k?thers nuthn to b ashamd abt..as fo da ppl hu r agenst u two..totali ignore dem k?coz dey jst wana find a fault in u..u shud b so proud dat ur standin up fo wt u believe n and for the person u love.. i'm realy happy for u and i thnk u shud b so grateful for findin the special person in ur life k?

I realy wish u two the best for the future..and i seriously dnt thnk u shud hv second thoughts k?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008):

I do not think that there is anything wrong with dating your cousin. Me and my my cousin have not talked or seen each other for ten years. It a death in the family to bring us together. We exchanged numbers and have talked ever since. I love him so much. Noone can change that. It may not be anything but its special.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008):

I honestly have nothing against having a relationship with a cousin but i do feel a certain boundary is required and where to draw the line.

my sister recently was dating my third cousin and they ended up just fine, although a certain distance is needed in the

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008):

if you are first cousins i will advice you to break up because you might have problems having 'normal' kids. I am married to my second cousin and my mum hates the idea. Her mum really suppports us and this has created a problem between me and my mum.I will advice you to discuss it with your parents and make sure your cousin is not just after sex.Make sure your feelings are real because a brake up affects the whole family. RICK ROSS

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008):

i think it is fine i like my 3rd cuz and my parents dont know but at the same time they say i flirt with him i am 14 he is 14 and he is a triplet he is so cute and sweet and i talk to him sometimes i just wish i could tell him we do not consider ourselves family as much as friends i am adopted so we are only related by last name i want to date him so bad what do i do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008):

i am close to same situation, and trying to fight the fall...i know it will be quite a complicated arrangement, though i see nothing wrong with loving a person, cousin or not...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007):

I can relate. I met a man at a wedding reception and we flirted and found out that he was my cousin. But I love him not matter what. He makes me laugh and I feel happy being around him. It's the greatest feeling in the world. If something would happen to him, I would be pretty much hurt.

Love who you love. I see him as my best friend. He wants to take the relationship further, but I am playing it by ear. If it's meant to be, then whatever. But I love him for who he is and not because he is my cousin.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007):

don't mind anyones comment to you. you go ahead, love him, and do this and that. who cares what others think. my friend dates her own brother. to me, you love who you fall in love with. like the saying goes: love is international and has no boundaries.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007):

it's cool to date your cosuin as long as you both love each other very much. iam dating my cousin and it feels weird like i love him a lot and all bu there are moments when i am like he;'s my cousin. but al im gona say is that if you care about him a lot then go for it don't care bout what people think

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007):

I dont think it is wrong to date your cousin. True love is something really special and is hard to come by and nobody can say that a positive emotions is a negative thing. Before we knew about genetics people were doing it, so why just because we have more knowledge about them should people stop. Feelings cant be turned off and will come back stronger when you try.

i didnt see my cousin for 8 years and when we met back up we just clicked. i dont know if it is love that we feel but whatever it is, its special and nobody can take that away.

xXx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007):

i do not see anything wrong with it though that might be a little 2 close. but i fell in love with 1 of my relatives but idont know how were related shes like my 20th cousin. the only problem is that she just thinks of me as a friend and that im "nice" i wish she thought more of me but if u think about it somehow u r related 2 probably everyone on the earth if u trace ur history

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007):

I understand where you are coming from. I met a man and fell in love with him. Never knew him before and he turned out to be my cousin. We never knew each other growing up so it did not feel like we was related. You can not help who you fall in love with. It is hard to find someone who will love you in return the way you love them. I say if you find love then take it cause true love does not come along very often. It is no ones business who you fall in love with. You and the special guy knows how you feel about one another and that is all that matters. Most people have alot of negative things in their life so they have to share that with others because they do not want others to be happy. I tell people you are not me and you are not him so mind your own business.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007):

im ? and i found out that my girlfriend is my distant cousin but nobody thinks we should see eachother,wat shuld i do?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007):

I love my cousin with all my heart. She means everything to me. i dont pay any attention to negative comments about loving her. You cannot tell your heart who to fall in love with. When you're in love, it dont matter if the person you love is a blood relative. All that matters is the love you both feel for eavh other.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007):

Well, I don't really have an opinion on this but....

My parents are first cousins with 7 kids and we all came out healthy. No defects, no disorders, no nothing. Just a regular looking family. Sure sometimes we poke fun at it but it's all fun and game and we're all alright so there's nothing really bad about it. Andd...Just a couple days ago, at a family gathering, I fell head over heel in love with my verrry attractive cousin whom I haven't seen in 10 years. Well, maybe that could be my disorder. I don't know.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007):

If you love him, then you love him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being with your cousin, a hundred years ago lots of girls married their cousins, have a trawl through history.

You're not a freak, there's nothing wrong with it and the chances of your children, should you have them, having anything wrong with them is only SLIGHTLY raised, but only if there was something in the family gene pool to begin with, and you can talk about this with a doctor.

Ignore people who have a problem with it - they aren't worth your time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007):

In about half of the US states there is no law against it, however in the rest there are either restrictions or laws against it.

If you are a Christian, it is morally wrong to marry a first cousin. Any genetic abnormalities or diseases carried in your families will be likely passed on to children born to first cousins...it is really kind of uncool to be dating a first cousin, this is your blood relative, there are supposed to be boundaries in place and being a family first comes to mind....with all of the other fish in the sea, why on earth are you limiting yourself to someone who shares 1/4 of your DNA?

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A male reader, somewhat_anonymous United States +, writes (20 August 2007):

If you like ending up on the Jerry Springer show and possibly have greater odds for having a retarded child, then by all means, go ahead. Although, some researchers are trying to disporove that with a little success. Some states also have laws prohibiting the marriage of cousins.

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (19 August 2007):

Jamer70 agony auntWell its kinda hard to say.

You can date her but society will frown upon this relationship as its not the norm to date a blood relative. Also if you have a child with her the chance this child will have some sort of defect will be much higher and shold best be advoided.

Overall i reckon if you really really wanted to you can but people will look down on it, but an intimate relations should be advoided.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007):

Whether he's your cousin or not, it doesn't really matter aslong as you're both in love.

Ignore peoples negative remarks, because at the end of the day, it's not them who's going out with him is it?

It's you.

Love is a very stong bond, and it's a wonderful feeling.

Nobody can help who they fall in love with.

It just happpens.

So keep your chin up, be happy, and live life however you want to live it.

x

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A female reader, loveableprincess United Kingdom +, writes (19 August 2007):

loveableprincess agony auntif you are in love with him, then relations don't matter.

you can't help who you fall in love with so everone who critises you just needs to get a life basically, people shouldn't deney true love. don't date other people because people tell you to, just ignore everyone, because if you two are ment to be don't let anyone get in the way.

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