A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m currently in a long-distance relationship. I met him last 2015 but our relationship become more interesting when he come to visit me in my country April 2017 and again Oct 2017. It is our first time to be together, it was fun and we got the chance to know more from each other. But things has changed. I am not sure if he is into this relationship. He stop saying I love you first. We’ll see each other again this February 2018 for Europe trip. And after that I am not sure what is the next plan. My question is, if its okay if I will ask him what is his next plan? And also can I ask him if he is really into this relationship. Thanks
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 December 2017):
 Off course it is okay to ask him what is happening and where does he see this going? If I am being honest with you though I cannot see you both having a future unless you both decide to move to be with one another. Meeting up twice a year is not a great basis for the start off a relationship. Talk to him and hopefully you can both come to a mutual agreement.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 December 2017):
 I have to agree with WiseOwlE here.
I met my now husband on a vacation. Nothing much happened physically but we did bond and enjoy each other's company. I don't think either of us thought it would lead somewhere, me perhaps less than him as he pursued contact and we started to visit each other several times over the next 18 months. After that? We sat down and talked future. Goals and plans. And it DID work out for us. 20+ years later we are still together.
But LDR's turning into something lasting are rare. LDR's take WAY more work and gives crappier "benefits" while there is the distance between people. Even more so when you are in different time zone and different countries.
You could ask him what he thinks should happen next, if there is something to build on between you two. I think the SOONER you are both honest and open about WHAT you want and WHERE you want this to go the better.
But before you do that, consider this... ARE you willing to give up living where you live, to be near family and friends and perhaps move to where he is? Is it even realistic? Can you get work there? Can he get work where you are at? In essence... IS there a future for this LDR to be an R - no more a LD...
If not, decide if you can stay "just" friends or not... and go from there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2017): I feel so sad for young people who carry the burden of long-distance relationships; when trying to love somebody only a mile away is tough enough. Longing and yearning for time together; with no set time-table when you'll actually be together. Living on little crumbs of togetherness, stealing moments of time to spend with someone you care for.
You're too young for this. It's one thing when circumstance separates a couple who have a well-established relationship; then the test of the strength and durability of that union is time and distance. It's a challenge brought on by life. It was forced upon them. If you don't have to put yourself through it, being so young...don't!
Yes, you should definitely determine what the next plan is. Don't be some lady in-waiting; while he may be seeing other women on his end. You should know where this is going; so you know how to program your heart, and bide your time. You need/deserve to know if all this is worth your emotional-investment.
Loving over distance puts a strain on every emotion you have. People already established in a relationship know they will eventually be together; and how much time they'll be apart is usually known. Their love-connection was made before the separation; and their love has elasticity and will stretch the distance. Hope has a basis, and it is only a matter of time. Distance is the test! It's a tough one to pass! I know, because I've been there and done that!
In your case, he lives in another country and you have no idea what comes next. Not only that, you don't even know if he's into the relationship! I am no fan of long distance relationships for very young people. Especially when you're separated by countries! Not cities, towns, the next village; but oceans or continents! It's fun for awhile, but the distance starts to press on your needs and desires. You need something real and tangible.
People need to experience learning how to conduct a relationship in real-time. Time spent waiting is more productively spent getting to know and understand your mate. Learning how to tolerate each other and adjust to your personalities, which can't be done unless you spend actual time together. Getting acquainted, and familiarizing/adapting yourself with/to their quirks, strengths, and weaknesses. Allowing them to become fully-acquainted with who you while sharing face-time and soaking-up you physical presence.
LDR's are fine for the short-time, and a waste of precious time when they drag on and on!
It's not easy to express emotions over a device, to an image on a screen. You get seasonal-visits, like friends.
Which family-members do you have the best relationships with? Which friends do you feel closest to? Those you can see whenever you like; or the ones you have to jump on a jet and can only connect with by phone or Skype?
I don't care how anyone preaches the gospel of LDR's, you'll never sell them on me! They are not worth the stress and strain, when you have a choice! I am not talking about people pulled apart by the pursuit of an education, a job assignment, performances in the arts, the military, or returning home to your home country during a family emergency.
I mean a relationship started online, carried-on between devices, and mostly experienced through a series of messages and/or images on a screen. You need to fulfill or stimulate all the senses; and work on communication and your interactive skills on a regular basis. You need first-hand experience how to handle a relationship; dealing with real-life issues and building am emotionally-centered foundation together. Face to face, up-close, and in-person. Every now and then is just not enough for me!
I'm too full of love and affection! I love touching my boyfriend, his smell, the taste of his kisses, and being in his arms! Everyday!!! Feeling his presence in room, and exchanging our vibes and sensations in close-proximity! Now that's what I call love! Yeah, we fight and argue; but we get to apologize in-person. We get to experience real-time emotion; so we actually share pain and suffering. Not depend on words and messages to translate or express our feelings.
I think if he isn't planning to move to your country, and has no answer to your question. Move on with your life.
Find yourself a young man who can give you all that you need. You need touch and affection! You need daily interactions on all levels; so you can learn how to handle a real-relationship on real-time, and over time. Feelings often fade over distance when the relationship hasn't had the opportunity to connect through spending quality-time together. Nature and human-chemistry still have to play some part in human romantic-connections. A visit here and there and months apart is okay for friends; but it's hell between two lovers.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Yeah, but what about the senses of touch, hearing, smell, and taste? What about the extent of patience and the cravings of desire? Sorry, but I guess I'm too human, and have well-developed skills in maintaining a relationship. I am mature and well-experienced. It came through trial and error, and doing it in real-time. Not using a device!
If he doesn't answer your question to your heart's satisfaction, my dear! Detach your heart and move on!
Don't accept any less from him, than you are giving!
You deserve love, affection, and every natural sense you have should be fulfilled. You deserve someone who can give you his time and attention locally, and on a full-time basis. You'll hear enough from people who advocate for LDR's, but the other point of view deserves equal-time.
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