A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Mod Note: OP's own title:I would think that it is normal to want to know about the relationship history of the person you are dating. Especially as you are getting closer to them and more committed. Some folks seem to disagree with me...but I can't imagine not wanting to know about my significant other's history (prior relationships, reasons for breakups, hurts, lessons learned). We all take our history with us into all of our relationships, so isn't wanting to know, simply a means to get closer to someone and understand them better? Isn't NOT wanting to know, showing a fear of intimacy? Just curious what others think...thanks. I would think this is an important topic especially prior to getting engaged/married....????
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male
reader, metalsman  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 I think it's essential to know the relationship history of the person you're dating as you don't know how something which is part of that history might affect your feelings, if not now, then maybe in the future.
Let me give you an example of how this scenario has affected me in my marriage. When I started dating my (then) girlfriend, now wife she mentioned very loosely her past relationships with guys prior to me. Some of these things bothered me then, such as quickly she seemed to have had physical relationships with them along with living with a guy within a very short period of them getting together - he turned out to be a loser druggie and was subsequently booted. This and other situations give me cause to believe my wife wasn't very good at making good judgement calls before giving her "all" to these guys.
A couple of years back, after 25 years of marriage, and 4 kids later some things came out of the woodwork which she'd hidden for all this time from me, the net result of which was an almost breakdown of our marriage due to be feeling as though i'd been cheated given that if i'd known these things at the time we were dating i'd have run a mile and never asked her to marry me.
so in answer to your question it's ESSENTIAL to know these things beacuase if the relationship runs good then something might reveal itself at a later stage, like in my case.
Of course to be fully fair, it might not, and there might also be nothing to be worried about in his prior relationship history, but #i do subscribe to the fact that if he's not forthcoming or is secretive then there's maybe some skeleton in his closet which he's protecting.
Best of Luck
A
female
reader, Lotsalove. +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Personally I think its important to know what has happened with their previous relationships etc as it gives an insight into what kind of person they are too i.e
Who ended it, Him or Her? Did anybody cheat? Were they married? Are children involved (although i'd find it strange if you didnt know this already) In some cases a partner died?
As much as you dont want to re-open any healing wounds, start talking to him about your previous relationships, why they ended, maybe they werent your type? Reveal what is your type.. etc. Then hopefully he'll open up to you.
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A
male
reader, kevin3007 +, writes (28 July 2010):
 of course it's not normal you HAVE TO KNOW HIS PAST ....you should know every thing about him he could be a killer a theif an alcoholic got a girl pregnant or even a spy ....ect (sorry but sometimes we have to be carefull)...miss i think you really should especially you'll get married(my best wishes for you in the golden cage)....well i hope he's a normal person ......good luck
ps: i wish he'll ask your hand very soon!!
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (28 July 2010):
I always want to know the history of the person I am dating, I think this is general date talk to be honest.
It is important to me and I often feel that if they dont want to talk about it then they are hiding something.
To me the history is important because it will effect future relationships.
if his ex cheated then you know he may be a little insecure, if he has had hundreds of partners then peronally i would suggest a health check before doing anything unprotected, if his ex died then you know he may be a little fragile and possibly put you on a pedastall.
The history helps you to understand some behaviours in a relationship.
to pay an interest in the history is to pay interest in the person and to not want to know simply seems a little detached from your partner.
I completely agree with you.
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