A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HelloMy husband and I have been together for 11 months. Our relationship for the most part is very passionate and loving. We have had a few arguments but who doesn’t? Overall I love him a lot and want to spend my life with him There are a few things that bother me. One is his female friends. He has slept with them all and is in touch with them frequently. I can understand if he wants to have female friends but it bothers me that all of them were sex. I have told him this he feels I am being jealous I really don’t think I am being jealous I am being honest that I don’t think there needs to be too much contact because of his past with them . What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2018): It’s not abnormal, but it opens the door. I’d been friends with my ex online for decades. Just hey, how are you? What’s up in your life? Nothing more. One day he called and (I have to give him credit for patience) hearing that voice was too much. The love was still there. It started a full fledged, years long affair. I wouldn’t even care to say hello to anyone else from my past. So, if he still loves one of those ex’s there will be a problem eventually.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 January 2018):
 You have only been together 11 months and you are already married? Can I ask why you rushed in to getting married so quickly?
It sounds like you have a good enough relationship, you say you love him, but does he show you the same kind off love in return?
How frequent does he contact them? Is it daily weekly monthly yearly? Also how many women does he still keep in contact with? The big question here is do you trust him not to cheat on you?
I can understand why this isn't sitting well with you, personally if it was contact every so often it wouldn't bother me if they are friends, but if it is a lot then I can understand. Why not ask him to invite them around so that you can meet them for yourself, it might put your mind at ease if you are involved as well instead off him just contacting them via his phone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2018): I warn you honey, once you bring him over to Canada he will dump you, stay away now, you are being dupe, I am a Nigerian too, don't say I didn't warn you... I just feel so bad for you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2018): You're right.There is no reason on earth for any married man to keep in touch with all the women he has had sex with in the past.Even with infinite trust, you could be asking for trouble.As his now wife, what would my biggest fear be?I would worry he is keeping them all on ice, on a shelf in his candy store, just in case the need or desire to sample another flavour would ever present itself.If they are still friends, there is still an emotional connection present. And that is a threat. You have every right to ask him to cease contact.They will be like a carrot dangling in your husband's face. You are right to want to safeguard your marriage by removing these unnecessary "friendships."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2018): I don't think he should be keeping in touch with them regularly. Maybe an email every few years or so if he was particularly close with one or 2 just to say "hi, how are things in life" would be acceptable. I think though that either you GET why it is inappropriate, or you do not get it at all (or perhaps refuse to get it) and gaslight the other person as being jealous. But in my books it is inappropriate, and if you feel the same way he should hear you out and respect that. Should have been discussed before marriage though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2018): I totally agree with you, if he has slept with these women then there is no need for him to keep in touch with them anymore and I personally couldn’t put up with that, in fact I would have been gone along time ago.Have you ever asked your husband how he would feel if you were good friends with the men you had previously slept with, and would it be ok with him if they came to your house and you all sat down together and had a cup of coffee.Somehow I don’t think your husband would like this really. There is nothing at all wrong with the way you are feeling and don’t listen to anyone who says there is. If that’s the way you feel then that’s the way you feel and so would I.If your husband can’t understand and have respect for your feelings then I’m sorry but I would be leaving.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (20 January 2018):
 What do I think? I think he has sown his wild oats (lots and lots of them, by the sound of it) but have now chosen to settle down with YOU, not with any of these other ladies.
I also think it says a lot about his character that he has treated all these ladies well enough for them to remain friends after the sex side of the relationships has run its course.
HOWEVER, that does not mean YOU have to feel the same way and, in your shoes, I too might feel a bit uneasy. Do you TRUST your husband? If so, then you should try to keep reminding yourself of this. If you don't, then that is a different problem completely.
Have you met these ladies? I assume they know he is now married? Perhaps it would help if you were to make friends with them, so they would feel less threatening? After all, you would not like it if he started picking YOUR friends for you so why do you think you should dictate to him who he communicates with?
He has chosen to marry YOU, not any of these "friends". As long as their communications are not intruding in your life too much (someone posted on here the other day about their partner reading a text from someone while they were having sex - now THAT is out of order!), I would try to show him how much you trust him by letting him choose his own friends and not trying to control how much contact he has with them. He will love you all the more for your trust and generosity.
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