A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a question and would appreciate your help. I'm 40 and my boyfriend of 2 months is 44. We both have a kid from our previous marriage. He is a professor and I'm a nurse. I know it's too soon but things are going so well and fast! He is madly in love and I do love him too. All his family and friends know about me. He knows he may scare me and keep checking to see if I'm freaked out or not yet! Lol which I'm not. I'm comfortable and we meet almost every day and had a getaway for three nights already and everything was great. He is talking about marriage and planning it for the next 7 months to ease the children through it and also we can spend more time together of course. He said there may not be a proposal and we can just marry and have a nice wedding. So my question is if this is something unusual in the US to plan the marriage and wedding before a proposal and also getting married without a proposal? Thanks!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 March 2017):
 Honestly I think you should slow things down, only because a marriage is for life and you should go in to it with your eyes wide open, its only been two months, so wait until this time next year and see how you both feel and then you can start organizing a wedding, don't put the pressure on yourself just yet. As for the proposal for me I would like to be engaged for a while and enjoy that while planning my wedding, but its not hugely important either.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (17 March 2017):
 Kids are involved, which is why I think under a year is too soon for marriage. 9 or 10 months is still not a year :P
He shouldn't have met your kids yet, that should happen after 6 months. Please take it slowly. If it's meant to be, there's no rush. Why would you need to marry so soon, anyway? Live together for at least 6 months, after 12 months, then start planning to marry if you're still doing well.
You don't have to do the above, but it's very unwise not to.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 March 2017):
 "Others are together for 5 years, 15 years, 30 years and break up."
Exactly. You can't wait for 30 years just to test if the relationship/marriage would last another 30 years. Life is short.
But do check into his finances first.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 March 2017):
I don't think it's unusual. Couples often come to an agreement about wanting to marry, its rarely (or shouldn't be) a surprise question.
I don't see the point of having a "proposal" either. The point of it is missing in these modern times. You as a woman have the right to propose as well, or simply debate marriage with your partner, and come to an agreement. It's totally fine to get married without a proposal.
But if you want a proposal, just tell him. Or propose yourself.
And goodness grief, I think that by the age of 40 and 44 you are old enough to make your own decisions about life. Would it be too quick for teenagers? Yes. But by your age you know pretty well who you are and what you are looking for in a relationship, and you don't need decades to figure it out.
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A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (16 March 2017):
If someone brings up the issue of marriage and discusses it with you, then it is a proposal, even if it is not the traditional down on one knee type.
But after two months there is no way you should be thinking about marriage. Why is he rushing this?
Marriage is effectively a financial contract between the two of you. You are not ready for that, until you are planning a lifelong commitment together. Please wait at least two years till the rosy-glowed first flush has worn away, and see how the two of you deal with putting out the garbage and struggling with life's issues together, before you commit away your money.
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A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (16 March 2017):
If someone brings up the issue of marriage and discusses it with you, then it is a proposal, even if it is not the traditional down on one knee type.
But after two months there is no way you should be thinking about marriage. Why is he rushing this?
Marriage is effectively a financial contract between the two of you. You are not ready for that, until you are planning a lifelong commitment together. Please wait at least two years till the rosy-glowed first flush has worn away, and see how the two of you deal with putting out the garbage and struggling with life's issues together, before you commit away your money.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2017): Two months is way too quick to be getting married or talking of marriage. Slow it down, get to know each other properly and go a year or so maybe think about it then.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2017): OP- Thank you for the advices. I won't marry him until I'm completely comfortable with the idea and spend enough time and make sure this marriage is good for my child and his. He is talking about another 7 or 8 months at least which with this 2 months we are at one year. We see each other almost everyday so by then we should have a good idea if it's going to work or not. I don't take the marriage talk seriously for now even though he says it. I won't move in with him or anything so everything will stay the same until we exactly know where the relationship is going.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 March 2017):
Getting married without a proposal may be odd, but it's the time frame hats the problem. You don't know each other well enough to even talk about marriage yet. You should be worried that he wants something that marriage would give.I was with my boyfriend for nearly two years, spoke about marriage for our future and we recently had to break up for mental health and stress reasons. We're still in each other's lives, but we may never be a couple again.Others are together for 5 years, 15 years, 30 years and break up. My point is that 2 months is nowhere near close enough to know you're right for each other. We all fall in love and it's a whirlwind, but you need to take longer than 9 months to get married. You have families to think about and marrying a stranger during the honeymoon period (under a year) is reckless. Please postpone even talking about it. You need to slow down before you rush it too much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2017): Wow I think it is utterly crazy to talk about marriage after 2 months of dating. By this age you should realize that for the first year at least it is just the infatuation stage, you dont really know each other, or how each of you react under pressure and as time wears on...
You both had 1 failed marriage.Make EXTRA sure this is right with even more dating time. You have kids to think of too. It isnt fair to them to act like impulsive teens. Grow up and make thoughtful decisions over time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 March 2017):
 I think it depends on the people involved. And I think you two are by FAR rushing things. 2 months! That is how long you have been dating? Where is the fire?
There are KIDS involved so I really think you two need to put the breaks on the who marriage and one big blended foam lily. SLOW down.
Talking marriage is all good and well, but that doesn't mean he isn't going to propose.
My BIL proposed to his last GF after only 30 days dating and we ALL thought he was NUTS! (and it turned out he was nuts and SO was SHE.) She seemed like a REALLY nice woman, to begin with, but she was SHADY AF! Not only did she lie about her finances, she lied about her drug use, her alcoholism, her children, her ex-husband and her legal issue... All that came out of her mouth were lies. And it took BIL a good 6 months to accept that, and then another 3 to boot her out.
Take your time getting to know WHO he is and HOW good of a fit he is for you and your kids.
RELAX.
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