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Is it normal to be so afraid to think about remarriage after divorce? Will my ex control things still?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Faded love, Family, Marriage problems, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 March 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 21 March 2015)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I got divorce last year and seperated for 2.5 years before that. I was searching online as no one from my family or friends are divorced.

I wanted to see how the second marriage works when you have a child, my daughter is 8 years old.

What I learned was so disappointing,many suggested that if you have an option don't get married untill kids are out of your home or wait 2 or 3 years before dating and date atleast 2 years before getting married. It said it takes atleast 7 to 10 years for the new family to blend if you have children from the first marriage.And you will lose your kids to other home!

About me , I am 37, educated and attractive I have a nice job. The age gap was too much with my ex I always felt negleted and the last priority if any! In the process of divorce one of my old friends, classmate, started communicating with me online, I knew him from many years ago but never saw him for 12 years. I had absolutely no intention to date anyone and not ready even now.

My ex found out eventhough it was none of his business. He just tried to ruin me for revenge and tell everyone that I left becauae of that while that wasn't true.I was shocked even cried as my friend told me just 2 months after my divorce that he got divorce and he did it just to be with me. I told him he shouldn't and he must reconcile with her. He really loves me but I just can't I think I have no emotions any more .

I would appreciate your help. I am really concern to even think about marriage or proper dating because I may lose my kid to his father. He is still trying to control me and take me back . I have mix feelings sometimes I think ok I wasted these best years so it didn't matter to waste more, atleast my child was comfortable.

my friend is a dream come true,I can't describe how amazing he is still I think it wont work because of my ex is a freak and won't let me live normally. He will seperat my kid from me and my research about the topic confirmed that too. I really don't know what to do.

I see my future so lonely. Has anyone had the same experience? if you remarried how it affected your kids from yor first marriage? how long did it take to blend well with new family? This pain will ever go away? how your ex deals with your marriage? Thank you for your help

View related questions: divorce, my ex, revenge

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A female reader, Keeley345 United Kingdom +, writes (21 March 2015):

Everyone's life is different. Some divorces end well and both partners move on no problem, sometimes it's rough riding e.g partners hating each other, playing tug of war with the kids or fighting over who gets what.

Some people go on and just date...or remarry. Some people never do. Some wait until the kids are grown up. Everyone is different. But a responsible parent will be sensitive about how their kids will feel and put their kids first. By all means put your kids first but don't neglect your own happiness.

This is a common question you've asked and sadly there is no single answer to it. I'd suggest you google parenting sites on the internet and speak to single mums AND dads on them. Take each day as it comes. There is a parenting section here too which i'm sure married or divorced parents read and can advise you. But like I say you will not get one answer but MANY answers and opinions. However you'll then feel more enlightened and might be able to decide what's best for you from the advice shared.

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A male reader, SensitiveBloke United Kingdom +, writes (20 March 2015):

SensitiveBloke agony auntHow your children cope will be largely affected by how the parents behave towards each other.

It sounds like your ex-husband is a nasty person, and he will communicate this hatred of you to your daughter whether he realises he's doing it or not. This is the worst thing he could do because the children will suffer terribly for it.

There are no fixed timescales on how long families take to blend. It depends on who's involved and what they're like. For instance, if your daughter really likes a new partner you have, it will happen much more easily. If she dislikes him, it may never happen.

Obviously in all situations your daughter must be foremost in your mind. If you are sensitive to her, talk things through with her and can get her to express how she's feeling, you have every chance.

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