A
female
age
36-40,
*ena1
writes:Hi guys,I want to know is it normal that the man go without sex for a month?I ve just got married lately,and my husband is not that sexually active now, because before we got married he always was horny and wanted sex ,but I did not have sex with him because i was virgin and I did not want to lose that until after marriage, by the way before marriage I was in different country and I was seeing him once 4 or 6 month. But even that he always was telling me that he is horny.Well, I thought that we will have a great sex life, but after marriage I faced the reality and i am still in shock, how can that person who was giving me headache to have sex change to not caring person.I am pretty sure he masturbates which he always denied.can a man prefer masturbating rather than having sex?we don't even have a year of marriage and we can go month with sex, does your guys think that is normal?because i don't think it is. we are a new couple and we have this problem now, what will happen after years.It really hurt when i know he go to the bathroom and masturbate and not come to me and ask me for sex,I would like to know your idea concerning this matter?Thank you.
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female
reader, lena1 +, writes (1 September 2009):
lena1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for replying.
Do you think he prefers watching porn rather than having sex,or the porn satisfy him more than I do,but he was always happy after it.I am the one who doesn't get satisfied,because he never makes me cum.do you think that is the reason makes him this way?
By the way one day I told him lets have sex,and he asked me to turn him on,and he told me you do not even know how to turn man on,I told him how am I suppose to know and he is the 1st one in my life,may be he is used to the experienced women.
Well ,I can not understand where is the issue because every time he says something.
There is another think,i gained some weight after we got married,but I am still skinny and every one says that to me ,but he was telling me i got fat ,I don't look like the 1st day he met me.do you think that is the reason.
I am really confused,I know he loves me and i love him too,and I know he is not having affair with somebody.but what I dont know why he prefer porn.
when i tell him you watch porn he says why i will watch it and you are here.he thinks I am stupid I do not know what is going on.
any way ,I think i will just stop caring and be done with it,why bother myself over this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): I'm sure his age is not the issue. He may have health issues, but that doesn't sound like what you're describing.
You would benefit from seeing a marriage counsellor. If you can't convince him to join you, go alone. I think you need unbiased professional advice.
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A
female
reader, lena1 +, writes (1 September 2009):
lena1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBy the way I forgot to tell you That he is older than me,He is 35years old ,
Well I don't think he is too old for being sexually active.
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A
female
reader, lena1 +, writes (1 September 2009):
lena1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering my question,
Well before we got married ,I thought that he has high sex drive because he was always horny and always was giving me headache for sex,but after marriage every thing change,I know he is not gay,I talked to him about this and I told him why he is so cold,sometimes he says to me That because I don't ware sexy things that makes him think of sex,(by the way before I was waring normal clothes and if my stomach show he tells me cover it because he will get horny),but now he wants me to ware sexy thing.Ok,i wore sexy things but he is so freaking cold.sometimes,he tells me that My mouth doesnt make him think of sex(that mean I have big mouth ,when he does something wrong and I express my opinion that makes me with a big mouth).sometimes he tells me That he gets horny when he is not tired.(which is lie because i know when he comes from work he goes to the bathroom to masturbate).and also when we were apart always when he was coming from work he always was telling me that he was horny)
so I see that all his answers are conflicting which each other.
When he does this things he makes me don't want to have sex with him.By the way when we have sex I never cum ,I dont really know why,maybe because every times he stops me when he is ready to cum to not have babies (because I am not on pills)I don't really know,it feels good I just never cum.
He always tells me that If i was another women I would have cum 3 times.lol.
Well,What really bothering me deeply is not having sex is the change happened after marriage.before he was giving me headache and make me feel guilty by not having sex with him ,and now when i do he doesn't care.
usually,you find the man complaining to his wife or gf for not having sex for 2 weeks ,which makes me think there is something wrong here.
I tried to talk with him and I told him that i think he is addicted to porn,but he did not like that and he said that that he watch it once a while,which is lie.
I tried to make him jealous and i told him many time that i watch porn because I don't see my husband active enough,but he did not really seems really concerned because he did not change at all.
do you think a marriage life is normal without sex?
by the way there was sometimes I asked him to have sex but he turned me down,which makes me don't want to ask him again at all.Especially that I am really shy to ask such thing.
Do you think I am exaggerating because i had great image how my marriage was suppose to be.or there is really big issue here???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): I would think it very odd indeed that in a new marriage with people around age 20 it would only be once a month. Especially when it's not a case where you've been living together for years and become bored with each other. You seriously need to talk.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Well I always think when people say that you should wait till you get married before having sex is a huge mistake.
Being sexually compatible is one of the most important things about a healthy relationship. To wait until you are married makes it a guessing game in my opinion.
A christian colleague of mine found that her husband was a homosexual after they got married , he simply wasnt interested in sex. Now she's stuck married to a gay man and the shame is too much for her to do admit it.
I hope the same doesn't apply to you, but so early in your relationship I fear you two are not sexually compatible. Alternatively he may just have a very low sex drive ( though the constant talking about sex seems to discount this theory ).
Finally, and dare I say it, but as you were a virgin on your wedding day, are you energetic in your lovemaking or are you more shall we say 'traditional'. If you don't press the bell nobody's gonna answer the door.
Only you and your partner can answer these questions. But looks like you got problems allright.
Good luck.
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