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female
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anonymous
writes: Well my mate lost her virginity before me, but she wasnt in a long relationship like me and my bf. She used to always make me feel stupid, and give me the impression that i would lose my bf if i didnt have sex with him. She lost her virginity to someone who she wasnt even going out wit. But then ended up, after that he told her that he loved her and this has happened to most of my mates. I lost my virginity to my bf (not because of my mate) but he didnt say like i love you or anything reali. Im just wondering if this has happened to anyone, and is it just like a normal thing not to say. (im still wit him).
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female
reader, pebbam +, writes (1 October 2006):
have you said it to him yet? you didnt mention that so i need to ask maybe he is scared you will say no you dont love him too..do u love him? if you do then tell him as it does work both ways, you had sex with him too.he might not be in love with you yet or not comfotable saying it yetas long as you both enjoyed it and you were happy doing it then it doesnt concern your friends...maybe he said that to your friend as he thought that was what she wanted to hear!
A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (20 September 2006):
 yes it is totally normal.
Maybe your boyfriend hasn't told you that he loves you yet because he doesnt feel as if he does YET. that doesnt mean that he doesnt care for you and like you loads, its just love is a real big thing and maybe he aint said it to you yet because maybe he isnt quite there yet. Think about it like this, would you want your boyfriend to tell you that he loves you if he didnt?? Nobody would want to be told lies in order to feel a bit better, so give him time to tell you.
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (20 September 2006):
 Hi Wendy, "V Plates" must be a Mancunian phrase, I heard it since I was about 14 years old, "Have you lost your V plates yet?!!!" !!!! lol xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006): You say "I love you" when you love someone - having sex, or loosing or taking someones virginity doesn't necessarily have any thing to do with that.
To be honest, your so-called friend sounds a bit of a selfish bitch. She's not really a nice, nor supportive friend to say that to you. But, any how.
Sex increases emotional intimacy between people. That is why in your friends situations, they could have said the "love" word after they started sleeping together.
I wouldn't worry about it. First, just because your friends partners have said those words, it doesn't necessarily mean its true. Whether someone loves you can be seen in the way they treat you, respect you and care about you.
Also, the words "I love you" can mean *much* more to some people, so don't judge your boyfriend on not having said it as him not caring for you as much as your friends boyfriends.
Judge how great your boyfriend and your relationship is on how he treats you... the words will come later, I'm sure..
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (20 September 2006):
 Hey Bonym I like the way you wrote that! Straight to the point, but must at admit that "V plates" made me smile! Never heard that term before.
Of course you should wait for someone special and someone you love, but as Bonym said, this day and age is not like that and I think its more over a competition and who can lose thiers first, people are getting younger and younger starting a sex life, and to date it actually complicates things a whole lot more and of course causes a lot of trouble! and thats certainly not a good thing. Alot simply dont have respect for themselves!
Its good that you chose someone to have sex with that you are in a relationship with, but the fact he didnt say he loves you might not mean that he wasnt fond of you just he hadnt said so Equally though alot will just tell a girl they love her to get her in the sack! And some do beleive it to then get burnt. So however he feels about you, you are still together. The thing is hun, its done now, so no matter what the turn out of this you cant get it back, Its happend and thats it, and hope that this relationship pans out for you.
Take care x
x
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (20 September 2006):
Its nice to lose your virginity to someone you love and who loves you back, but in this day and age, most people just lose it for the sake of losing it, there is no love, no feeling, nothing, its just a case of take my "V plates" and replace them with "no longer a virgin plates" and move on with your life. In my view, virginity is precious and who takes it from you ought to be special. You cant lose your virginity anyway, its taken, once its gone, you cant find it again. Its gone forever, but maybe your man is not the expressing type, some men dont come out with the important three words, whilst some do. At least you are in a relationship, thats a agood sign. Take care. xXx
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (20 September 2006):
 Hello Anon,
Sometimes people don't really connect love with sex. Maybe this is how your boyfriend is. He may have been ready/wanted to have sex with you, but he does not yet love you. So I don't really think it's a question of it being normal since everyone's feelings are different.
The other side of this is that it might just be implied that he loves you and that he does connect love with sex. But I'm not sure, since I obviously don't know your boyfriend.
Have you talked about your feelings with one another before? If you haven't, you might consider doing this since you seem like you're a bit concerned.
I also suggest not listening to your friends about stuff like this in the future - it'll just get you worried like right now. How does she know when people are "supposed" to say I love you? She doesn't.
Take care.
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