A
female
age
30-35,
*hnookims
writes:Hi allI'm wondering if anyone else experiences extreme jealousy from their mother's when it comes to the mother-in-law? Is it completely normal for your mother to get really upset at any inclination of you forming any type of bond with her? My future mother-in-law doesn't even live on the same continent but every time I send her an e-mail or she sends me one or she calls me, my mom gets really possessive. I am about to give birth to her second grandchild and am marrying her son next year so there is no way I can keep from having any kind of relationship with her but she's only been to SA 3 times for short visits since my fiance and I started dating so my mom's reactions seem petty and immature to me. She's also extremely possessive of my daughter and hates the idea of anyone having a relaitonship with either of us. For example my mother-in-law wrote a short note on my facebook saying that she hopes we're doing well and my mom had to prove that she's more important by writing an essay on my wall about how much she loves me, my fiance and our children and how strong we are, etc. I love my mom but I'm a mom with my own family now and constantly having to reassure her that she's still important is getting really old. She always makes comments about being needed but I don't want to need her and I don't want her to think I do. I want her to feel wanted but definately not needed as I am an adult. I've tried to explain this to her but she doesn't want to hear it. So is this normal?
View related questions:
facebook, fiance, immature, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): She does sound to the extreme. She has got the 'Empty nest syndrome' and needs to finds new things to fill her time and make her feel needed. Maybe she could do some charity work. I don't see the harm in letting her putting your washing in her machine, it has to be better than you doing it by hand.
A
female
reader, shnookims +, writes (29 July 2010):
shnookims is verified as being by the original poster of the question My fiance and I bend over backwards to make her feel needed. He works a full day job that's extremely demanding, the only realy quality time he gets with his child is the weekend and we spend the entire sunday, every sunday, at my parents. Occasionally, when he's really worn out, it causes problems between us. Saturdays we usually spend running the errands that we have to run. my parents also come to us every wednesday night and we are exhausted by the time they leave and our daughter is hyper (she's 2).
We don't have the space for a washing machine so my mom does it for us. When I told her I don't mind doing it by hand she got upset and told me she wanted to feel needed, so I left it. She gets upset when we don't offer for her to change our daughter's nappy, so we haven't done it when she's around since our daugther was a few weeks old. She even gets upset when we buy anything for our children, like toiletries because she says she wants to do it. my parents spend more on my children than I can possibly afford and it makes my fiance and I feel inadequate.
I can't talk to her becasue when I try, as nice as I try to be, as much as i explain I am an adult now, she explains that she just needs to be needed. To me she just sounds selfish, thinking only of herself and that all these "favours" are to try and have a hold on us, but maybe that's me just being paranoid. What do you think?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): You mum is having trouble adjust to the next stage in life. She has gone for a daughter that needs her to, you being with your boyfriend, having children and a future mother in law. Tell her that she has done such a good job bringing you up that you have turned into a capable confidant adult, she should be proud of the job she did. Maybe she could help out with her grandchild especially as you are about to have a second one. Trust me when I tell you having a mum that cares isn't a bad thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, shnookims +, writes (29 July 2010):
shnookims is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have a brother who's been allowed to be independent since he was 10, whereas I was very "protected" by both my mother and father. In my mind, the rules I had to follow were ridiculous compared to the sense of freedom my brother has been allowed to feel. he is a very troubled person as well. My way out was having my first born straight out of school.
My dad travels a lot and even when he is home, I wouldn't classify it as a happy marriage.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 It's very normal, for a woman with poor self-esteem that is. Just curious, do you have any brothers or sisters? Does your Mom have anybody else in her life, like your Dad/husband?
...............................
|
