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Is it normal for me to be so afraid of his penis?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 December 2009) 12 Answers - (Newest, 1 January 2010)
A female Canada age 22-25, anonymous writes:

So I've been seeing this boy for while now, and thing are starting to get intense, sexually. He rub me and makes me orgasm, but I'm too scared to do anything to him. I don't know what's wrong with me but every time I touch his penis I get jumpy and scared. I've given him a couple hand jobs and as far as I know he's understanding about it, but it doesn't stop him from trying to coax me into doing it. I'm not quite sure if he just wants to get off or if he thinks he's helping me over come this crazy fear.

Basically, my question is:

Is it normal for me to be so afraid of his penis?

and, Ami I being selfish for letting him get me off then leaving him hanging basically?

View related questions: hand-job, orgasm

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A female reader, bitch United States +, writes (1 January 2010):

It is ok to be timid about touching a man at your age and it is normal. Don't feel bad about yourself at all. If you don't want to do anything you shouldn't do it. And just have converstions with your boyfriend about your fears and what you are ready to do and not ready to do. Communication is very important and will help you both understand where you are coming from.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009):

Do you think it's fear of unwanted pregnancy that's driving this emotion in you? If you haven't done so already, a trip to your family doctor or an appointment with a Planned Parenthood in your area would be a good idea. Having a box of good lubricated condoms at the ready is a must! :)

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A male reader, anonimous123 United States +, writes (29 December 2009):

i don't think you're afraid of his penis, i think it's just that you're someone who actually isn't the typical girl willing to do anything... anything sexual probably is a big step to you and you're just not used to his penis... you will get used to it, and no you're not selfish. you will pleasure him when you're ready to.

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A female reader, Leo1989 Guernsey +, writes (29 December 2009):

Leo1989 agony aunti dont remember ever being afraid of a mans penis but we are all different i guess. all i can really suggest is take things slow and steady.

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A male reader, Kenneth United States +, writes (29 December 2009):

There is nothing to fear. As long as you are well lubricated/wet before he penetrates you. Avoid rough sex as much as possible. As a man, I don't know how it feels in a woman, but I am sure it feels good. Sex can be a lot of fun with the right person. Trust me!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009):

I understand, I really do. When I was younger and started having boyfriends, I used to dread doing anything sexual to my boyfriend, simply because I was afraid of his penis. I was afraid to touch it, even to look at it.

I think it might help if you try and find the root of your fear. Exactly what is it that you are afraid of? For me, there were several reasons. I had experienced some sexual abuse as a child, which left me scared of men in general. I was also very insecure and lacked confidence, and I was worried that I would be unable to give my boyfriend any pleasure, or that I wouldn't do anything right. I was even worried that I'd somehow hurt him.

Those were the things underlying my fear. Perhaps if you have a think about it, you might find a deeper reason why you are afraid? Just a suggestion.

To be honest though, I don't think it is a silly fear at all. Men do have something we females don't have. I used to view a man's penis as something which could potentially hurt me. Once I had resolved those issues, the fear improved. I'm not saying that this is how you feel. But I really don't think your fear is unusual or "crazy" in any way.

It's good if your boyfriend is understanding about it. He may think that by encouraging you to touch him, it will help. But only you know if that is the case. If it makes you feel worse, then tell him. Keep telling him how you feel, so he can try and understand. Be patient with yourself. And no, I don't think you are being selfish for letting him do things to you. But if it is bothering you, maybe you could try avoiding doing anything sexual for a while, until you feel ready to try again. I don't know how long you have been seeing this guy, but there is no rush. Perhaps if you just stopped the sexual stuff for a while, it might take some of the pressure off.

I understand how difficult this must be, as I have been in a similar position myself. But if you are not feeling ready to do things, then don't do them, even if you would like to please your boyfriend. Feeling fear suggests to me that you are just not ready right now, and that is perfectly fine. It won't last forever. So do what you feel is right for you.

I hope something here helps, take care. x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009):

It can be quite scary the first time cant it, I mean this is quite a new thing for you and you must be sure that your ready for it.

The worst thing you can do is force yourself as youll just end up making loads of mistakes.

You need to figure out what about his penis is making you so uncomfortble, you really should talk to your partner and explain how you feel.

If he is understanding you can gradually get used to it and then your all set.

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A male reader, doom France +, writes (29 December 2009):

doom agony auntit's normal for your age and as a begginer to feel such things.Everything comes with experience. Important, just do'nt force yourself.

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A female reader, Silence and Sorrow United States +, writes (29 December 2009):

Silence and Sorrow agony auntI agree with caring guy. I was afraid of my Dom's at first so we took things slow and gradually I got used to it. Also, I don't think you're being selfish because, if I'm reading it right, he's got no problems with pleasuring you. Take your time, start small and move at a pace that works for you. He should respect your wish to take things slow and do his part to help. I wish you well.

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A female reader, Anonymous_NF  +, writes (29 December 2009):

Anonymous_NF agony auntyes it is normal, I myself was very frightened but in time that feeling will past. :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009):

yes quite normal. from my experience many girls avoid touching it whereas others simply can not keep their hands away. I think it needs getting used to. Maybe female readers can answer this question best.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (29 December 2009):

Yes, perfectly normal. I'm sure if you ask a lot of women they'll say they were scared of their boyfriend's penis at first. Just relax and if you're not ready, then you're not.

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