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female
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anonymous
writes: Is it normal for guys to watch porno all the time? Should I be concern that he is constantlly watching porno videos?? I have been in a long distance relationship for a year now, but before we seriously started dating we had been seeing each other for about 5 years already...nothing serious back then..(he even had a girlfriend)...But, when we decided to get serious he moved away to study... However, everytime i check his computer.. the history is full of porn videos...I also found out that he even interchanged messages with one of the girls from those porn web sites.. He is also member of porn videos ..etc...I am worried 'cause I don't really have control of what he does since we are so apart from each other... What should I do? I confronted him, but he says that he is not addicted to porn and that is normal for guys to watch porn.. Is this true.. and if it is: How can I tell whether he is addicted or not; or whether he hasn't really have contact with any of those women..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (27 February 2006):
 Well, it sounds like he could be a bit addicted, yes! Especially if what you say is true about the history channel, joining a group, etc.
However, if you have a long distance relationship, this could be the way he fills his time when he feels horny but cannot be with you.
Of course you can't control what he does when you aren't around. You need to discuss this issue more with him and find out where your barriers are and what you are willing to accept.
It could be the simple case that he does view porn as a means of a sexual escape and nothing more; perhaps he wouldn't view it so much if you had a relationship whereby you saw each other most days? I'm not saying this is necessarily acceptable but it is another way of looking at the situation.
Does he have a high sex drive? Would you ever be concerned about him being unfaithful? All these things you need to think about and discuss. It is okay not to like what he is doing but you need to express to him why you feel the way you do and why you may wish him to stop. Then you will need to discuss ways and means of making things acceptable between you.
I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (27 February 2006):
 Hiya honey
It is not normal for a man to need porn *all the time* any more than it is normal for a man to want sex all the time. If this was the case you are looking at an addiction, be it psychological or physical.
If he acts in a way that offends you then you must confront him about it. Do not offer any ultimatums that you are not prepared to follow thru tho.
Also, you cannot *control* another person's behaviour. You could live in the same house and he could still be behaving in a way which offends you. All you can control is your reaction to it. If this behave offends you personally then you must look at whether you are prepared to continue to tolerate it, or if you are going to tell him to stop. If he doesn't or cannot then move on and find someone who makes you feel secure and loved and not used and jealous.
Good luck coming to a decision, and remember this is only MY opinion.
x
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (27 February 2006):
 alot of men who watch porn say that it is normal for men to watch it, but it is not a case of every man watches it and there are alot of men who disagree with it and find it imoral, i dont really think whether or not a guy id so called addicted that really is what determine wheher or not there is cause for concern, you say he says he is not addicted but what does that matter if he is unwilling to give it up? is that not the same as being addicted?
you cannot tell if he has had contact with these women without snooping but if you feel the need to do that then you must know there is no trust left.
you should be concerned if it offends and upsets you, or if you ask him to stop and he refuses, in a committed relationship, your partner and thier feelings should come before and cheap thrill.
hope this helps
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